


SAUDADE

by YumKiwiDelicious



Series: EUNOIA [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Established Relationship, Genjutsu, M/M, Memory Loss, Nightmares, Post-Chuunin Exams, Song: Wake Up (EDEN), Time Jump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:28:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 50,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25696546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YumKiwiDelicious/pseuds/YumKiwiDelicious
Summary: SAUDADE (noun) - a deep emotional state of nostalgic longing for someone that you love who is absent|| Rock Lee wakes up missing the last five years of his life ||
Relationships: Gaara/Rock Lee
Series: EUNOIA [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1902385
Comments: 108
Kudos: 145





	1. sweven

**Author's Note:**

> SWEVEN (noun) - a vision or dream

Rock Lee's consciousness floated in a sort of warm syrup, distantly aware of pain, but not directly experiencing more than a vague discomfort; the same as he felt when he slept in the wrong position nowadays. He felt itchy all over. There was a voice coming from far away, but the words made no sense. The shinobi recognized the speaker, but only vaguely; an acquaintance perhaps. Someone he had only met a handful of times. He couldn't find the name or the face that went with the rumbling sound.

Gripped tightly in a stuffy darkness, Lee tried to climb out of his stupor, clinging to the familiar -but not really- voice. As he emerged the words became more clear and he could make out a dry throat and rasping monotone. Rock Lee recognized the cadence of someone who had been talking for a long time and cared little for the material; had heard it enough times from the third Hokage in his time. A speech? A mission report?

" ...The way of the martial artist is the way of enduring, surviving and prevailing over all that would destroy him.”

The Way of the Ninja. Someone was reading it aloud. 

Lee’s eyelids finally lost their weights and fluttered open so his eyes could slip and out of focus on the lights above him. He was laying on a bed, the smell of antiseptic strong in his nose, and an intravenous line running into his arm beneath several bandages that were not his usual training ones. The owner of the rasping voice sat beside him, face bent over a flimsy book. His eyes were heavily lidded and he was clearly bored, but seemed intent on continuing regardless.

“More than delivering strikes and slashes, and deeper in significance than the simple outwitting of an enemy, Ninpô is the way of attaining that which we need while making the world a better place. The skill of the Ninja is the art of winning.”

Rock Lee blinked over and over as the voice and the face finally sparked a wave of recognition in his brain. He knew that man and knew him well, but he’d been a boy when he’d seen him last which was...beyond odd. 

The Leaf nin’s mouth and throat were too dry to shout and shout he would have. Instead he merely slammed his eyes shut once more hoping the Sand shinobi hadn’t spotted him. Internally he could feel panic clawing its way up his throat but he calmed his breathing and tried to ease his form back into that of an unconscious person. Sweat was pooling around his temple and lower back as he tried to formulate a plan of escape.

From the darkness he heard the little book shut with a soft noise.

"Lee?" 

Concern.

Hope.

Emotions that did not match with the person who was emoting them.

The taijutsu specialist held himself utterly still and considered his options carefully. Gaara of the Sand had obviously taken him prisoner at some point. Lee didn't remember fighting him again, but that meant nothing. He may have been ambushed somewhere near the hospital, taken when he was already vulnerable and still weak from the exams. He may be suffering from the after-effects of a powerful jutsu. The means by which Lee found himself in his enemy’s grasp meant nothing; his main concern had to be escape.

The light through his eyelids dimmed as a gust of hot air blew across his face. The room grew still and quiet and the smothering force he hadn’t realized was Gaara’s chakra signature pushing down on him disappeared. Lee’s eyes snapped open and he took in his surroundings at a lightning speed. He was definitely in a hospital room in Sand. Somewhere off in the distance, there was a flicker of several chakra points, barely registerable to Lee. More enemies were approaching. He flopped back onto the bed and he continued his ruse once more.

Hot wind like a desert breeze swirled through the room again and Gaara of the Sand was hovering right over his prone form. His chakra pushed and pulled at Lee’s very essence and the invasive feeling made his skin crawl. The Leaf nin knew he was still too weak to take on his opponent full force again, nowhere near healed from his injuries in the exam, but he would not go down without a fight. He centered himself, ready to wrench open at least the first two gates, even if it killed him, when suddenly there was a touch to his forehead. A pair of dry, course lips pressed to his brow and then were gone.

Gaara had kissed him.

Lee's kunai sharp concentration broke and his eyes shot open as he yanked his face away in terror and confusion, all pretense at remaining asleep lost in his need to shrink away from this menacing creature. "Get away from me!" he shouted, or tried to shout; his throat was raw and dry.

Rather than back away, the beast smiled, and that was even more unsettling. A cold sweat broke out all over Rock Lee’s body. It wasn’t the same calculating grimace from the exams, but it still looked unnatural on Gaara. Especially since somehow he had managed to...age in the short amount of time Lee hadn’t seen him. He looked like a man now. A daunting, terrifying shell of a man.

Lee tested his muscles, ready to spring. Shockingly he was not restrained, but he was still bound to the intravenous line. Much worse, now that he was fully awake, he felt the discomfort of a catheter under the blanket. Immediately after the exam, after his first encounter with Gaara, he had woken up in the Konoha hospital in much the same position feeling broken and embarrassed. It had not stopped him then and it would not stop him now.

The Leaf shinobi tensed, readied himself for the pain, then rolled hard from the bed, away from Gaara. The boy-man startled, but made no immediate move to attack, seemingly taken off guard. Lee’s hand quickly yanked out the line in his arm as the catheter tugged free. Monitors tore stickily from his skin, catching on his scant body hair as he tried to muster the energy to open a gate. He stumbled toward the door, muscles screaming in protest. He wasn’t supposed to be moving this much this soon. He wasn’t healed yet. He needed to walk. He needed his crutch. His limbs were gangly and awkward and felt too long for his body. Everything was heavy and hurt.

The man behind him who looked like Gaara called his name, and suddenly the girl was there. The blonde one with the fan who stuck close to Gaara’s side appeared in a swirl of sand blocking the exit. She was a young woman now and her eyes widened in confusion at the scene before her. Behind her the puppet master walked through the door, now twice the width and height he had been before. As Rock Lee went to rush past, he felt the two intruders reach out and push him back with strong arms and knew if it came down to brute strength he could not compete like this.

Behind them a sickeningly calm voice advised, "You need to calm down, Lee. It's just the anesthesia, you have to rest." 

The itchy feeling Lee had noticed earlier suddenly intensified and then he was being lifted slowly off the ground. His bare toes dangled a mere few inches above the tiled floor, but still the taijutsu specialist froze. The skin tight wrap of sand he hadn’t even realized was on him levitated Lee back to the bed. Gaara’s smothering chakra signature brushed against his mind and Rock Lee realized all at once it was genjutsu. It was not as it appeared. 

“Release me!" Lee insisted, vainly hoping he could break the jutsu through will power alone. Tenten had once, but how? How had he even gotten trapped in it in the first place? 

The sand pressed him down into the mattress gently but firmly and Gaara reached out to hold his hand.  Just then, two petite women came through the door, politely excusing themselves around the other two Sand shinobi. They were dressed in standard medical ninja uniforms and both wore hitai-ate with the engraved symbol of their hidden village around their upper arms. The taller of the two looked a bit stunned to see Lee sitting up in bed and all the fuss he had created, but her expression smoothed almost immediately. She was giving the young man a professional, placating smile.

"We’re so glad you’ve woken up, Lee-san,” she enthused, stepping forward and pulling a pen from her pocket. The other held back as Gaara’s companions pulled her aside to talk.

“He seems agitated,” the man grumbled, arms tucked behind his head and looking very put out. The blonde nodded her agreement as Gaara huffed and Lee struggled to pull himself from the illusion.

“He’s perfectly fine, Kankuro,” the monster murmured, voice as bone dry as it had been in the arena. 

Lee blanched and then remembered what Tenten had done to practice breaking genjutsus with Neji. He wasted no time in swinging his free arm up and sticking his thumb in his mouth. With a vicious yank of his head, he pulled his thumb back with his teeth until a severe ‘crack!’ sounded and shouts of surprise went up around the room. Lee spit out a mouthful of sand.

“Lee!”

“Gross!

"What're you doing?" Gaara demanded. 

A sort of worried franticness had entered the man-boy’s voice as the shorter medi nin stepped forward, hand glowing, and tapped Lee on the forehead. The Leaf nin reeled, the pain in his hand suddenly barely registerable. Why hadn’t it worked? A sticky grogginess started to drag him down.

"A creeping sedative. The patient may require restraint."

"You're not restraining him," Gaara insisted, which was odd. Lee was having trouble making out his words again. "Lee? Can you hear me?" He felt a hand against his face. His muscles didn't want to react. His vision had gone frighteningly blurry.

"Gai Sensei?" He didn't know why he was being held, nor if his call could be heard, but he could do nothing else with the lax stupor setting in. He couldn’t break the genjutsu. He felt one of the women mending his thumb as the other reattached his intravenous line, but thankfully not the catheter. He boggled at still being stuck as they carefully replaced the monitors to watch his heart and other organ functions.

The genin’s eyes filled with the vision of his second arch nemesis, who appeared not to have slept in days, the circles around his eyes looking even more pronounced and his hair disheveled and limp. "Lee, don't go back to sleep. You just woke up."

"You are not a boy," Lee croaked back in confusion. His mind was swimming. “Get away.”

"I'm not leaving you." The Sand nin stroked at his hand again. Lee was too dizzy to pull free. "They said to keep talking to you, that maybe if I just kept talking, you'd hear me. I should have known it would be one of the fighting texts Gai left that worked." He smiled again, crooked and sad, and Lee shuddered. "Temari suggested a book on flora, but I know that doesn’t truly interest you."

He was trying to steal information from Lee’s mind, that was the only explanation. He was looking for a way to finally finish what he’d started the day of their fight; whether with Lee or the whole of Konoha was unclear. Why show himself at all? Didn’t he figure Lee would be more forthcoming with a friendly face? His teammates? His sensei? Not that Lee had much Intel for him to bring down the Hidden Leaf; he was just a genin.

"Lord Fifth, may we speak privately?" asked the taller medical ninja in a benign voice. "The patient requires rest."

"He's been resting." That awkward smile again. The other Sand ninjas had crowded the bed. The blonde was frowning down at Rock Lee and the puppet master actually looked a little worried. Lee's stomach turned.

The woman gave Gaara a tight smile of her own before turning to Lee. "Can you please state your name?"

He almost didn't, but they had all called him by name enough that there was no point in trying to keep it secret. "Rock Lee, ma’am."

No need to be rude.

"What is your date of birth?"

He wasn’t sure why this would be considered information vital to an invasion, but figured it should be kept secret anyway. He rattled off the day he had met Gai Sensei off the top of his head, figuring that was a birthday in some ways just as much as his real one. The trio at his bedside all frowned. 

"That's wrong," mused Gaara with a tone somehow even drier than it had been. “He was born in November on the seventh day. That other date is the first time he met his mentor.”

The sedative was hitting him hard. "How do you know that?"

The woman asked, "What is today's date?" Lee shook his head. He was getting dizzy. "The date, Lee-san."

Lee recited the last date he remembered, which seemed like it might be a few days ago. Somewhere tucked safely within the hospital back home, his whole body broken and bruised from his failed attempt at becoming a chunin. He had no way to find out how long he'd been imprisoned, but it didn’t matter. Escape was his only focus.

The look on Gaara and his companion’s faces changed to poorly masked fear. Good. Lee didn't intend to be the only one scared out of his mind.

"We should speak," the medical ninja repeated coolly.

"I'll be right back." The beast slipped away from Lee, dropping his hand back to the bed. The other two followed after him, throwing concerned glances Lee’s way as they went. The shorter medi nin moved up his bedside, fluffing his pillows, and Lee followed her with eyes as round as saucers.

"Please do not let him back in," the taijutsu specialist pleaded dully, his head heavy against the bedding. Even if she was just part of the illusion, he had to try to appeal to someone. "Do not let him near me, I cannot fight properly like this."

The medical ninja gave him a compassionate expression. "If you feel unsafe, we can help you. I can call for an advocate from your village."

Lee dropped to a whisper. "Are you from Leaf?"

From outside, he could make out the brisk tones of the warriors from Sand talking lowly. The girl, now woman, said something about "cerebral damage" and the puppet master added "memory loss" in his deep timber. Gaara’s voice was smooth and dry like a salt flat, but there was an edge to it that left Lee sweating. He couldn’t fight like this.

The medi nin, her name tag said Yome, leaned over Rock Lee and pulled the blanket up over his lower half. He couldn’t move at all anymore. "I am a citizen of Sand, but if you need me to, I can forbid your husband from being in the room with you unsupervised no matter his rank."

"Who?" A horrible feeling grew in Lee’s stomach as Gaara returned. Yome glanced at him warily, then turned back to her unwilling patient.

"Let me know," she said gently, and returned to her position by the door.

Gaara attempted another sharp smile upon his return to Lee’s side; a forced attempt at civility that chilled the Leaf nin. "They're very pleased that you're conscious. That's a good first step since your injuries were so severe. You suffered internal damage, which they've repaired. You're healing up, but you should be alright in a week or so." 

He took Lee’s hand again and there was a sound like two pebbles being smoothed together. “Ameno would like to scan your brain again to check if they missed anything.”

"Stay out of my head!" The adrenaline rush pushed back the fog of the sedative, making Lee giddy. His round eyes tracked his enemy, head too heavy for his body.

"She thinks you might have a deeper injury than they saw at first. They just need to check why you're having trouble."

"I am not having trouble,” the shinobi huffed indignantly, puffing his chest. It felt wide and heavy like a sake barrel. “Release me and you will see how much trouble I am."

“Lee, please.” His voice was like snakes slithering under Lee’s gown. “I don’t want them to restrain you or put you under completely. Stop fighting.”

“Never!” 

Lee would never stop fighting!

“Lord Fifth,” Yome intoned politely but with a touch of flint in her voice, "Do I need to ask you to leave?"

“Why do you keep calling him that?” Rock Lee asked the ceiling, eye squeezed shut to stave off nausea as he tried to fight the effects of the Glowing Palm.

“I will not leave his side.” There was a ripple like static electricity through the room as Gaara’s chakra flared and ebbed. Everyone shifted uncomfortably.

"He's frightened of you," the woman insisted, "He asked me if I was from Leaf and you heard what he said about the date."

"He's just confused."

"I am not confused! Let me go!" Lee tried once more to rip the gates open and felt his minimal bit of chakra control grow taut then snap like a wire. Energy whirred and fizzled out in his chest leaving him feeling empty and frayed. Gaara frowned down at him; he had felt the snap.

"You know you can't open the gates anymore, Lee,” he explained, “Not since our fight in the exams. Do...do you know who I am?”

The question spiraled up at the end, almost a plea, and Lee huffed angrily, cranking his eyes back open. He could at the very least clench his fists in fury and did such as he glared up at the other ninja from beneath his brow.

"I know who you are. You are my opponent, my rival! No matter how you change your appearance!”

The blonde woman was suddenly there, a hand resting on Lee’s forearm and causing him to tense further. She looked much like she had at the exams though taller and more feminine. Her fan was still strapped to her back and Rock Lee watched it warily.

“Lee,” she murmured, taking a very familiar tone as the redhead on Lee’s other side turned away in apparent shock. “Try to remember. Think about your home here in Suna; the way you’ve changed the Kazekage manor.”

“You’ve got weights piled in every corner,” the puppet master added, brow also furrowed in feigned concern. Lee glared at him. “Even in my workshop.”

“You love training,” Gaara rallied, “You run five laps around the village everyday at sunrise and you help teach taijutsu at the academy every week. This is your home and I’m your-”

"This is a trick,” the Leaf nin interrupted hotly, not wanting to hear any more lies that didn’t even make sense, “You merely want me to give up Konohagakure’s secrets."

"Konoha has no secrets from us, Lee, we’re allies."

“Lies.”

"You don't remember now, but you will. You don’t have to worry, we've got time." Lee did not immediately respond, occupied with holding back tears of frustration and confusion. Why couldn’t he snap out of it? Why was this happening to him? "Lee?"

"Lord Fifth, I'm going to ask you to wait outside while I perform the scan,” Ameno informed, palms already taking on an otherworldly blue glow, “You can rejoin your husband as soon as we're finished."

"I am not his husband!" Lee spat, dull horror eating at him. The feeling was kept partially at bay by the sedative; an abstract that he could observe but not experience. "He is a monster."

"I was," Gaara said quietly, something dark lurking in the corners of his gaze. Everyone else in the room seemed extremely uncomfortable to witness the young man’s vulnerability, but the Sand shinobi only had eyes for Lee. "I changed after our fight and we've been married for almost two years. I'll be right outside."

Lee blinked, refusing to believe his words as the other two followed him out with worried frowns. Yome sidled up and took Gaara’s place holding his hand as Ameno raised her palms to the taijutsu specialist’s temples. The sensation was like a cool breeze rustling his hair and the sedative finally claimed him.


	2. selcouth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SELCOUTH (adjective) - strange, unusual, rare; unfamiliar; marvellous, wondrous

The slant of the light had changed; there was a high window in his hospital room that the blistering desert sun filtered in through. Rock Lee sat up slowly, reaching for the distant light like a Konoha flower turning its face towards the sun. Gaara of the Sand sat slumped in the chair beside his bed, half-asleep which was an odd look on him. Lee noticed for the first time he did not have his gourd with him, the cursed item that carried his ultimate defense, but Lee knew it could not be far. He still felt a scratchy layer of sand all over his body. 

Still, while Gaara’s guard was down, the Leaf nin could strike. There were enough objects within his reach that he could use as weapons. Blunt trauma, strangling, even the needle in his arm could slash. Then the window, and freedom. His enemies, though conniving, had made the foolish mistake of removing his leg weights; they’d never be able to catch him.

"Good morning," Gaara murmured, blinking himself fully awake as Lee assessed the heavy feeling in his legs. "How are you today?"

"Why am I here?"

"Ameno insisted you remain here while being treated. I’d have you at home if I could.” Lee huffed his annoyance since his home was in Konohagakure and he didn’t know how a lie stating otherwise was meant to help this plan. He still wasn’t sure of the reason for this charade, or why the beast of Suna insisted on using a genjutsu to make him and his team look older, but it didn’t matter. His focus had to be on escape.

“How was I injured?” This was simply part of the whole deception, Lee knew these injuries were from the exams several weeks ago as well as after effects of the surgery he had undergone to heal them. Still, perhaps he could distract his captor.

"It doesn’t matter, you're safe now."

"I want to know what happened."

"Do you remember the Akatsuki?"

Nothing came to mind, not even from his time before capture. "No."

"They’re a group of missing-nin that have been around for decades," he explained with no true hint of emotion on the matter, like he was simply reciting information he had heard several times over. “They take different forms and have different leaders over time, but their goal is always the same. 

“They accumulate power and murder anyone in their way to create their idea of a perfect world. They have members that have defected from nearly every hidden village and their abilities as a whole are almost unmatchable. They even have Itachi Uchiha in their ranks.”

Sasuke Uchiha’s brother. Lee, like every ninja child in his age group, had heard the chilling story of the way the prodigy of the clan with the red fan had massacred his entire family leaving only his younger brother alive. It was a scary story whispered in the corners of the academy of what happened when someone wandered away from the teachings of the village. The tale had always made Lee feel very sad for Sasuke for he knew what it was like to have no one.

"I fought one of them?"

“They had infiltrated our village in an attempt to get to me and you intervened and were hurt in the process, but you did manage to fight off the members that came.”

An interesting fabrication; both specific and yet very vague. Lee nodded and made another quick sweep of the room. They were alone today and Gaara never carried any weapons besides his sand so there was nothing the taijutsu specialist could lift from his person to fight with. A quick assessment of his condition found him still with a dull, aching pain and unable to truly center himself to open the gates. His arm and leg were sore. 

"Why were they after you?"

"For many years a big focus of their organization has been collecting the tailed demons from their hosts. As a jinchuriki I have been on their list for quite some time along with Naruto Uzumaki.”

“Naruto?” Lee blinked in surprise, forgetting momentarily that it was all a trick. He had heard of the Nine-Tailed demon that had nearly destroyed their village years ago, every genin had, but never would he have guessed it was sealed in one of his old classmates. How had Gaara, a resident of a rival village, found out about the Fox? And he was a jinchuriki as well?

The Leaf nin managed to reel in his surprise at the bit of true information that Gaara had managed to fit into this entire fantasy. No matter what details he had already uncovered, Lee would not be his well for more. He had to protect his friends and his village.

“Tell me why I am here. You cannot trick me with genjutsu just because I am in a weakened state from my surgery.” 

The redhead let out a frustrated growl, a shocking display of emotion for him. "This isn't a genjutsu. When your memory returns you will regret being so strident and Kankuro will never let you live it down."

“Who is Kankuro?”

“My brother.”

A blank look.

Gaara’s eyes turned sad again.

“The puppet master.”

Lee pondered this with a tilt of his head, his hair falling over his brow. There was really no reason for the sand beast to fabricate a familial relationship with one of his companions so this must have been a nugget of truth meant to make the illusion seem more real. He supposed he could see the resemblance. “So then the blonde woman is…?”

“Temari, my sister,” Gaara informed, settling back in his chair as he adjusted his long coat. He even dressed differently here. “The three of you get along quite well. You’re friends.”

“I already have friends,” Lee sighed, missing his team not for the first time since waking up. This whole lie made no sense if the people he actually held dear to him were not there. “Where is my team? Why have they not visited if I was so seriously injured?

"You're not cleared to have visitors yet. We both know your sensei can be...enthusiastic, and once you’re allowed to see people he’ll have this room overly crowded."

"And yet you are here." This wasn't fun. This wasn’t the invigorating bouts of physical sparring he was used to, but still Lee parried every addition to the mind-trick with the flowering power of youth. Gaara just blinked at him from out of his black rimmed eyes.

"I'm the only one permitted to see you for now."

"Because we are married?" his prisoner asked with incredulous disbelief.

“Yes, but also because I am Kazekage, I can go wherever I want.”

“That is not true!” Lee fussed, suddenly very irritated with the proceedings. Every other mistruth could perhaps serve a purpose to distract him, but Gaara fabricating a lie about reaching a higher rank was just too ridiculous. “You are a thirteen year old,  _ unstable  _ pawn of Sand and your village is led by Rasa who  _ betrayed  _ us during the exams after you  _ crippled  _ me!

Rock Lee was shouting by the end and his chest was heaving with the force of his angered breaths. He couldn’t handle this, he couldn’t handle the persistent lies out of this monster's mouth as he idled there in bed, unable to move and fight to his full ability. It wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right.

Gaara watched him looking like a ghost of sadness and regret. “Lee...that was years ago.”

“No, no you all  _ killed  _ our Hokage!”

“Hiruzen has been dead for ages,” he insisted, leaning in as if to really grab the Leaf nin’s attention. Lee yanked himself away. “So has my father, I took his place when Orochimaru killed him and betrayed us.”

“Stop trying to trick me!”

“Try to remember,” Gaara beseeched, the plea not matching his dry voice. “I fought Sasuke and Naruto and was defeated. I changed after that, I got close to Temari and Kankuro again, I repaired our relationship with Konoha. I sought you out and asked forgiveness for hurting you and you forgave me-”

“Please do not lie to me!” Lee’s eyes were filling with tears of frustration again. Gaara was smothering him, his chakra pushing in on his body and mind.

“You said the challenge of healing made you a better ninja and you and I have been friends since then. You taught me how to be a friend and then...you taught me what love is...” The word sounded twisted and wrong from his lips.

“I want to see my sensei.”

"No visitors."

The shinobi tossed himself back on his pillows in a huff, fairly confident now that Gaara would not harm him further in this genjutsu; it would go against his laughable ploy of being a doting husband. Still, the yarn had to end somewhere and Lee would not allow himself to grow comfortable and lower his guard. 

"These lies make no sense,” he grumbled, not meeting the other man’s gaze, “Telling me your heartless leader is dead and that we are married will not convince me to give up my comrades.”

Either the comment on Rasa or on their fabricated marriage seemed to have irritated Gaara greatly, because the redhead snapped, "I can have Temari bring you pictures from the wedding."

“Your sister can visit, but not my mentor? I would rather she stay away and someone bring me the mission report from my injury.”

"Fine." He shoved his chair away. "I'll bring both. Maybe they'll jar your memory." He stormed out of the room, the unsettling sound of sand rustling followed him though his gourd still was nowhere to be seen. Lee listened to his light footed retreat down the corridor grow muffled with the other sounds of the medical center.

Alone at last, he slid out of the bed. There was only the line in his arm to detach and Lee made sure to silence the alarms on his monitors before removing the pads stuck to his flesh. He wore a thin gown, and his beloved uniform was nowhere to be seen. He patted himself down feeling figuratively and literally naked without his leg weights and kunai. Curiously, his body felt different beneath his hands. He was taller for one, and the wiry muscles he'd struggled to build in his youth were fuller and more defined. At the same time he could feel where his figure had grown soft while he was unconscious, his backside having more to offer than it ever had before. He felt like a man. 

The changes in his body startled and slightly embarrassed Rock Lee, but he reasoned a powerful enough genjutsu could affect his sensory intake. This was not his body, not really. This was simply the body the ninjas of the Village Hidden in the Sand wanted him to believe he had for some reason. The genin shivered to think how Gaara could benefit from such a detail. 

Speaking of the beast of the desert, Lee had to flee before he returned. His own two hands would have to be weapons enough. Outside the room, there were no guards posted and members of medical teams moved throughout the hallways, but none of them seemed to be overly concerned with Lee. Still, he made it a point to keep to the shadows and use skills he had learned in academy to avoid being deterred. Around one corner a cart of medical supplies stood unattended and the taijutsu specialist glanced over it briefly, muttering angrily when there was no scalpel or anything sharp for him to take. 

As he limped from corner to corner he wondered how Gaara and his siblings had expected him to fall for any of this when he was still clearly recovering from his surgery. A powerful enough shinobi, which Lee was sure they all were, would be able to plant the illusion in the Leaf nin’s head that he was healed. Of course that would mean he would attempt to fight back and that would not serve them at all.

The sandstone corridors yawned endlessly before him and made him feel small. In his youth, Lee had often had nightmares of stumbling through endless hallways looking for the family that had abandoned him. This felt similar if more frightening because now someone was bound to be in pursuit. Had those dreams been premonitions?

The genin had completely lost his bearings now. The architecture and layouts of Sunagakure were too different from his own village and he found himself passing the same rooms over and over. Whether due to the genjutsu, or his own poor sense of direction, Lee could not seem to locate an exit or even a staircase to another level. Medical ninjas passed with increasing frequency and he forced himself to calm his pace and walk as if he had a known destination in mind; like he belonged there. Easier said than done in a thin gown and bare feet.

He was rounding a corner near his own room when he ran straight into Tenten. Startled and on edge, he raised his fists, the motion coming far too slow for his liking, then dropped them when he recognized his teammate. 

"You came!” he cried, crushing her to his chest as the tears he’d been fighting off for what felt like years started to leak down his cheeks. He willfully ignored how different his friend felt in his arms. Taller, curvier; a woman now rather than a girl. More of the jutsu tricking his mind.

"Of course we did." Tenten hugged him back. Her arms were longer and stronger than the last time he’d seen her, wrapping all the way around his broad chest and squeezing him tightly. She’d never hugged him like this.

Neji appeared at her side, cool eyes looking simultaneously bored yet invested in the goings on. He was taller too and his jawline was even sharper than it had been and his hair nearly brushed the floor. "Do you have any idea how troublesome it is to sneak into this place?" His tone spoke of being extremely put out, but he scanned his teammate up and down from where he had not yet released Tenten, terrified of her vanishing. 

"We have to hurry," Lee finally sniffed, taking Tenten's hand and starting to pull her towards the way he'd come. She frowned in confusion, the two familiar buns on her head tilting comically as she blinked at him.

"Hurry where?"

"Out of here. Unless there are other prisoners?" The genin pondered for the first time that perhaps other members of his village had been captured as well. After all, there had been other vulnerable shinobi in Konoha’s hospital when he’d been kidnapped. Maybe Hinata was here somewhere?

"There are prisoners?" Neji asked, voice serious, veins jumping into sharp contrast on his temples as he started to scan the surrounding area. "Have you seen them?"

Lee shook his head, exhausted. "Just me. Gaara of the Sand is here, we have to go before he finds out I have escaped."

His teammates exchanged matching looks of distress and shocked confusion. Behind them, a door opened and a chakra signature as big as the building oozed into the hallway. Lee swore he could feel himself breathing in Gaara’s very essence and scowled. The other man approached them casually as if he didn’t believe his prisoner’s teammates would have brought weapons to liberate him. 

"There you are. When you weren't in your room, I was worried."

"He is using a genjutsu," Lee warned, not letting his eyes wander from his opponent, ready to fight his way out if it came to that. "It does not work on me, but you cannot believe a thing he says. We should immobilize him."

"Tempting," the older Neji murmured, ignoring the irate look the supposed Kazekage shot him.

Tenten had not released Rock Lee’s hand and now reached her other arm out to gently brush his back . Lee could have melted into the touch; he was so tired of fighting alone and now he wouldn’t have to. "Lee, what's going on?" 

"You two aren't supposed to be here," the demon informed huffily, "I told you, he's not allowed visitors yet."

Neji made no move to leave. Instead, he snorted derisively, "You said he was having memory problems."

"I am not having memory problems!" Lee turned to Tenten. "He is trying to trick you!"

She smiled placatingly at him and brushed a set of cool fingers across his cheek. "It wouldn't be the first time,” she teased, “Let's sit down. You're exhausted and I don't think you're supposed to be on your feet yet."

"We have to run!"

"He thinks he's being held hostage," Gaara said in his signature monotone though that phantom sadness from earlier touched his face once more. "He thinks it's five years ago."

"You cannot let him confuse you! You broke in here to rescue me!"

"No," Tenten soothed, looking truly perturbed now, "We broke in here because we got tired of Gaara not telling us anything about your condition. We've come to Suna to visit you.”

When he didn’t immediately respond, the young woman pressed a hand against Lee's head. He could never recall her being this touchy before. The genin stared blankly, hoping against hope that he'd snap out of this nightmare being forced upon him. His teammate’s gaze stayed on him, sad and growing in alarm. Her face looked different, more mature. Her headband was gone, replaced with gold chains that dangled from her ears. Lee noticed for the first time neither of his friends were dressed in their uniforms, instead sporting casual civilian attire. Tenten didn’t even have her scrolls with her. 

"You really don't remember?"

Neji snorted a laugh off to their side and quickly covered his mouth. His voice was even deeper now, a low rumble down in his chest as rich as Gaara’s voice was arid. 

"Sorry,” he snickered, unconcerned with the icy glare Tenten was shooting his way, “Sorry, it isn't funny, I know he's not okay, but he really doesn't remember anything?"

"I told you." Gaara folded his arms, bored with the conversation. Lee offered nothing, still stunned at hearing Neji actually  _ laugh _ .

"You did  _ not _ !” Tenten seethed quietly, “You said Lee got hurt in battle and had a few lingering memory issues. You said we could come visit in a few days when he was better,  _ not  _ that he has no idea who you are!"

"I know who he is!” the topic of their discussion piped up. “He is a monster and a  _ murderer _ !” He'd heard about the unfortunate shinobi in the stairwell.

Tenten pat his shoulder comfortingly like he was a child throwing a tantrum. The other men just watched on in bemusement. "You knew that when you married him."

"We are  _ not  _ married!" The shout took the last of Lee’s energy as he tried and failed once more to access his gates. A comically small chakra flare sparked and fizzled in the hallway between them all and the Leaf nin could feel his patience and willpower running thin. He couldn't believe his teammates would be in on this deception which either meant these were imposters, or they had already been trapped in the genjutsu before finding him.

The taijutsu specialist refused to consider for even a moment that any of this was real. He scowled at the beast of Suna. "What have you done to them?"

The sizzling anger the young man always seemed to be wearing just below the surface of his sand armor reared its ugly head and he scowled right back. "Why do you think I've done something?"

"Because to him, you're still the creepy little brat that crippled him five years ago," explained Neji. "He probably thinks this is just another attempt on his life, any halfway competent shinobi would."

"Well then you must not even be halfway competent, Hyuga.”

“Kazekage-sama, please,” Tenten intervened, smiling tightly. Lee flinched at the honorific. The young lady eyed their companion with a frown and hissed, “Be nice.”

Rock Lee looked on in shocked horror as his childhood rival seemed to sigh his frustration out in a great whoosh and then toss an apologetic glance at the Sand shinobi. Lee watched them talk, watched the ease of the conversation his two friends had with their sworn enemy. If they were elements of the genjutsu the resemblance was uncanny. He squeezed Tenten’s hand and received a warm, confident squeeze in return. She felt real.

“I don’t mean to make light of his condition,” Neji assured, turning back to Lee with eyes more open and concerned than they had ever been in real life. “How can we help?”

"This is not real," the genin mumbled, reminding himself as hopelessness tried to crack its way into his ribcage. He watched the pity flash over Neji's face. Tenten worried at her lip and an expression Rock Lee suspected was despair deepened the frown on Gaara’s mouth.

"We should get him back to his room, he needs rest. Maybe you two can help him regain some of his memory. I thought I had some pictures in my bag, but I couldn't find the ones I wanted." 

His friends pulled him back through the halls gently. Lee tried to struggle, but couldn't. He blinked and he was back in his bed, settling in, as if no time had passed. It was so strange. 

Visitor ban or not, all three of them gathered around him in the small hospital room. Tenten pulled up some photos on her mobile phone and Lee decided not to comment snidely on how technology had apparently blossomed in the last five years; he could follow the concept well enough. He watched as they flicked through a set of images: Lee wearing a traditional white kimono with symbols of Sunagakure painted across his brow, him leaning on Gaara and both smiling, a few of Tenten and Neiji.

"Whoops." She quickly swiped past one, a blush splashing across all their faces as Lee felt his heart stutter minutely.

"I didn't want to see that," Gaara complained.

Neiji glared at Tenten. "You said you were going to delete those."

"And I'm going to." 

They chatted and Lee listened, but the words were disjointed. He wasn't certain if another medi nin had come and jumbled his head again when he wasn’t paying attention, but he felt even more displaced than he had already. The shinobi stared up at his teammate.

“Tenten, may I speak with you alone please?” 

"We'll wait outside," Neji said, grabbing Gaara by the shoulder.

For a split second Lee expected a wave of sand to come hissing through the door, but the two walked out of the room without incident followed by Gaara's vaguely threatening, "We'll be right here."

"That guy does not get less weird," Tenten mumbled, pretty eyes squinting after them. Lee licked his lips nervously.

"Ten, please, tell me you are not fooled by any of this."

"Any of what?"

"Listen to me, we've been captured by Sand, but their strategy is not working as it should. I still remember everything, but Gaara of the Sand has tricked you and Neji into thinking..." 

The young man faltered. Into thinking what? That this was the future, and they were free citizens of Konoha visiting Suna for a friend? Lee didn't want to know how their enemies had obtained the photos he’d seen, especially the one where Neji and Tenten hadn't been wearing any clothes. His heart ached again and he gripped at the young woman more fiercely. "This is all wrong. Please, we have to get out of here."

The kunoichi sighed and gripped back. "Lee-kun, nothing's wrong except your head, but that’s nothing new." Lee felt a flutter at the title and could not return his friend’s smile. Slowly, it slipped off her face. "You'll get your memory back, but it's going to take time. Do you remember the day we met?"

He nodded. "It was our first day at the academy and you came to comfort me because I was crying about stepping on a caterpillar.”

"Good. Do you remember our second go at the chunin exams?"

Lee shook his head. "I have not healed enough to attempt them and will have to wait until the next one in two years."

“You already passed them,” Tenten informed sadly, her shoulders slouching under the weight of her worry. Rock Lee felt true sorrow at causing his friend such heartache, but he knew she was merely under the effects of the genjutsu and would soon return to herself. He tilted his head of shiny black hair back on his pillows.

"Why are we in Sand? Why is he here?" He nodded towards the door. "His village betrayed ours and murdered the Third Hokage. He admitted himself he fought with Naruto Uzumaki and Sasuke Uchiha.”

"That was a long time ago. Gaara’s father was behind that whole plot and Orochimaru betrayed him. When Gaara took over he became an ally of Leaf."

The ninja shook his head. "He and his siblings would never."

"Temari-chan is married to Shikamaru Nara and lives in Konoha now," Tenten gently berated, seeming to get defensive for the blonde woman’s sake, “She’s only here now because she’s worried about you and Gaara.”

Tenten stayed by his side and relayed small events from the last five years that could not possibly be true. She looked hurt every time Lee’s eyes widened in confusion or narrowed in distrust. She truly believed her friend was suffering from some sort of brain injury and had lost years of happy memories. Rock Lee felt his chest tighten as he slowly started to realize he could not trust her. 

“Ten,” he beseeched once more when she seemed to be running out of steam, “Tell me something only you and I would know."

She shrugged. "There are a lot of things, Lee. Do you remember the day I tried to teach you bukijutsu?"

"No."

Her smile teased him, but it was sad. "Maybe that's for the best, you weren’t very good. Better with your hands I suppose. What about when you asked Sakura-chan out in front of everyone at the chunin exams?"

Lee blushed, but noted internally that Gaara was present for that memory, even if he’d been off in the distance. "Yes, but everyone knows that.” 

"What's the last thing you do remember?"

He thought back. "I survived Lady Tsunade’s surgery and she took her place as the new Hokage."

"Do you remember your hospital room in Konoha?"

"I do."

Tenten glanced at the door and then all at once was leaning flush over Lee’s form, her arms folded and bent like she meant to cradle his head to her chest. Her teammate squirmed and blushed, but ultimately went still under her odd embrace. She cupped one of her hands over his ear, brushing his hair aside, and her breath ghosted over his neck warm and damp.

“Sakura-chan and Ino brought flowers to your room when you were unconscious. Everyone was worried about you and me, Neji, and Gai Sensei took turns sleeping in your room after Gaara broke in the first time.” She swallowed down something unspeakable and went on, “You fussed in your sleep and had horrible nightmares about the sand. The only way you could feel better was if you exercised, but that only made things worse. You cried yourself to sleep every night.”

Lee’s heart was pounding at her proximity and his ears were ringing with the truth of her words. He tried to reason this should not be considered adequate proof of anything, but as she pulled away and looked deeply into his eyes the shinobi reeled at what he saw there. The missed opportunities of childhood and roads not explored due to devotion to their own ninja ways and others that crossed their paths more boldly. Tenten believed what she was saying, she believed this was the future and that she and Lee had made decisions that ultimately lead them here of their own volition. 

“What...changed?” he dared to ask, blushing as they both silently acknowledged exactly what he was implying, “We were friends…” He lingered on the long forgotten thought that one day they could have been more. 

"We’re still friends.” She eased herself away from the bed and into the seat Gaara usually occupied, her long body folding in on itself gracefully. “We went out a few times, I wish you could remember…but we figured out we were better off as good friends. I started seeing Neji and you fell in love with Gaara after he apologized and started making reforms in Suna. You got married about six months after we did."

“We all got married very young,” the genin grouched off-handedly, not sure where exactly his emotions were about all this, but not feeling happy in the least. Tenten merely blinked slowly at him before letting out her breath in a great gust.

"Well, for the record, none of us like Gaara very much, but we love you and we'll put up with him for as long as you do. He's not as big a bastard these days."

"He helped murder countless shinobi of Leaf."

"Nobody can change the past, Lee-kun, they can only decide to do better in the future."

"That is unreasonable." He watched her mouth quirk into a wicked little smile. "Did I say that?"

"About Gaara no less,” the weapons specialist tittered, another, less heavy sigh falling from her lips. She reached out and touched his hand lightly. “I know this is difficult, but you’ll get through it. If you don’t want to go home to the Kazekage’s house yet, you can come stay with me and Neji. You haven’t been back to Leaf in months, we all miss you.” 

"Excuse me,” Yome was suddenly there and Lee blanched, hating to break rules and inconvenience her even if she wasn't really real. “No visitors, I must ask you to leave."

"Sorry," Neji said from the doorway, looking in, Gaara next to him. Tenten stood up from the chair. "They saw us."

"When may I have visitors?" Lee quickly asked the medical ninja. As confusing as this whole situation was, he knew he was safer with his friends here. "I am feeling much better." 

"You attempted to leave the facility less than an hour ago, Lee-san."

"I am still here," he countered brightly, "And I am remembering more. I have been married to the Kazekage for two years and these are my friends. They got married six months before we did."

Tenten gave him a stern look, seeing through him easily. Gaara pushed his way into the room and grabbed his other hand. "I’m so relieved." He smiled his weird smile, but Lee wouldn't let himself shudder and pull away. He had to have more control.

"Seeing them helps me," the taijutsu specialist continued to Yome who was looking over his machines and charts critically, "May they please come back tomorrow?"

The woman stared around at the small assemblage. Tenten looked uncomfortable, but said nothing. Perhaps she could be trusted after all. "If the visitors are assisting your recovery then they may return."

After quick hugs and promises to see him in the morning, Tenten and Neji left. Gaara took the chair beside his bed. "I got word from Maito Gai. He was on a mission but now he’s headed here. He should arrive in two days.” Lee said nothing, his mentor would definitely be able to break him out of this, but he did not want to give him away. “What else do you remember? Is it coming back in pieces?"

"Pieces," Lee lied. He felt a brush of sand start making its way up his naked leg. That horrible gourd was still absent, but still he trembled at the contact. "Please do not do that." The brush retreated.

"Alright." Gaara smiled again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told y'all it was done. Any guesses as to what's going on? Some changes to the original timeline are becoming apparent...


	3. lacuna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LACUNA (noun) - a blank space or missing part

Rock Lee opened his eyes to a cool half-darkness. There was a blanket thrown over him, but it was stiff and uncomfortable. He sighed, pushing it away as he felt the bed dip near his feet, someone shifting about on its surface. He rubbed his eyes roughly and they focused; Tenten was sleeping at the foot of his bed, her petite body bent over the edge from out of the chair she occupied. There was a large flak jacket tossed over her and in her sleep she’d reached out and gripped her teammate’s ankle lightly.

Without disturbing the girl, Lee shifted his leg away from her grasp, squinting at the bare walls and empty corners he had grown accustomed to. He was out of the woods enough that he no longer needed a machine monitoring his heart so the only sound was the heavy breathing of the weapon’s specialist. In the distance, beyond the door, he could hear the regular routine of the medical ninjas at work.

He was back in Konoha Hospital.

The genin shook his head as if to clear out the dream and his bangs flopped across his brow. Details echoed through him; the dry air of the Suna hospital room, the grit of sand against his skin. Lee felt as if he’d spent days trapped with a somehow even more disturbing version of his chunin exam opponent. A shudder passed all the way down his exhausted body and his limbs creaked in protest. He had tried and failed to do another hundred push-ups yesterday, stopping only when he lost consciousness, and he was feeling it today. 

He honestly wanted to sleep more, but did not want to risk falling back into the nightmare. With a light huff of a decision firmly made, the Leaf nin reached for his crutch. Tenten shifted in her sleep, murmuring lightly and Lee froze. Her face, young and clear once more, was turned towards him and she had her arms folded under her head. He considered for a moment placing a chaste kiss on her cheek, his long buried affections for her stirred by the dream, but the vision of an older Neji flush against her side pulled him away. It didn’t feel right. 

Out in the hall, Konoha medical ninjas nodded politely at him, already knowing he would not be cajoled back into bed and that he was on the mend anyway. He limped through the corridors dazedly, hoping the cantine would be open with the sun barely cresting the horizon. As the day wore on he would have physical therapy, accompanied by one of his teammates, and Gai Sensei would visit and give him dazzling speeches of his inevitable return to duty. However, he usually started the morning alone and as he lowered himself stiffly onto a bench, Lee couldn’t help but think back on his dream from the night before.

It had seemed so real and yet the shinobi had known instinctively it could not be. Besides aging five years in one night (and he was  _ very  _ glad to be back in his own body, achy though it was) nothing else of the delusion had made sense. That he, Rock Lee, genin of Konohagakure, Handsome Devil of the Hidden Leaf Village, would be married to Gaara of the Sand was just unfathomable. The scrawny teen had almost literally crushed his dreams of becoming a splendid ninja. There was no way, even in five years time, that Lee would ever be able to forgive him for that.

A kindly kunoichi brought him a paper cup filled with black coffee and he bowed to the best of his ability, whole spine creaking throughout the process. When he straightened she was gone and he was sweating. Lee slumped in his seat, crutches knocking against his knees as he sipped slowly at the hot liquid. He missed his coffee maker back home, but there was still no word as to when he’d be well enough to leave the hospital. His tongue blistered and he cringed at the bitter taste as he thought again how he would never forgive Gaara for doing this to him.

It was a touch brighter out when his sensei found him. Maito Gai walked tall and proud and Rock Lee noted how he was not wearing his jacket before he remembered the oversized garment keeping Tenten warm back in his room. She had probably woken up and left by now. 

“Good morning, my precious pupil!” Gai’s voice echoed through halls and several sharp eyes cut in his direction. Lee smiled.

“Good morning, Gai Sensei!” 

“You are up with the sun,” he noted with an obvious touch of pride. Early into Lee’s recovery, the genin had slept through most of the day, his body trying to rebuild itself and needing rest to do so. “Going to train?”

“No, sensei, I had a nightmare.”

“What about?”

The dream from last night nudged at the ninja again. He recalled how his body had felt taller and fuller in that world. Wounded still, but not frail and thin as it was now, several pounds having sloughed off his form since the exams. As of now, there was no concrete evidence he would ever move without some level of pain again, let alone be able to train his body into a muscular physique. Lee gripped his skinny upper arm self consciously and shrugged, not meeting his sensei’s eyes for the shame he felt.

“I was with Gaara again,” he mumbled, the true terror of the night catching up with him at last. Tears pricked his eyes as Gai immediately sat beside him and pulled him into a firm but gentle hug. This was becoming a common occurrence after bad dreams. The young boy’s narrow shoulders heaved with the weight of despair. He had been so scared.

“There, there, my star student!” the older man soothed, making a rather manly effort to keep his own tears at bay. He hated seeing Lee cry, but his own tears had no place here. “I have no doubt you will come back from this defeat an exceptionally stronger ninja and for that we owe some level of thanks to Gaara!”

"You're up early.” Tenten’s voice was a wispy sigh and her friend and team leader looked up to see the girl approaching with a tray of food and Neji at her side. The Hyuga had Gai Sensei’s flak jacket thrown over his arm and passed it to his mentor as they moved to sit. Neither mentioned the tear tracks on Lee’s face, used to his excessive crying by now. “I woke up and you were gone.”

"I had a nightmare and did not want to go back to bed." The taijutsu specialist shifted awkwardly as his two teammates joined him on the bench with Gai. He watched them out of the corner of his eye and tried to decipher if these looked like two people who would be married five years from now.

Tenten glanced over his coffee cup and lack of breakfast and sniffed, "What kind of nightmare?"

"Do not pester him, Tenten,” Gai advised, reaching a massive hand out to rest upon her shoulder. “I’m so proud of you two for watching over your teammate while he heals!”

“Not really anywhere else to be,” Neji grumbled, ignoring his sensei’s devolution into tears. The long haired youth was sat in a patch of sunlight coming in through a window and Rock Lee noted how his face was still smooth and small with touches of childhood even as his eyes sat cold and indifferent below his hitai-ate. His unconscious brain had rendered a rather convincing estimation of what he would look like as a young man. 

“What’re we doing today, sensei?” Tenten buried an elbow in Neji’s ribs, shooting a pitying look at Lee who had sagged at the Hyuga’s complaint. 

They had all failed to beat their opponent in the chunin exams, but the taijutsu specialist had been the only one to be nearly wiped from existence. His injuries had left him practically shackled to the hospital bed and as a show of solidarity his team had suffered the confinement as well. Now even after his surgery, he was not yet ready to go home or on missions. Rock Lee thought of the detail from his dream where Tenten described how someone remained by his side after he sobbed himself into slumber every night. 

His leg ached. 

“Well, of course we must insure Lee completes his training,” their master announced, a hand poised at his chin as if their schedule ever changed anymore. “Then I must meet with my rival to check on his progress.”

“You do not need to help me,” Lee piped up, “I can train on my own for today.”

“Shut up.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

His teammates’ dismissals overlapped and berated him and Gai began on a rousing speech about how asking for help from a comrade was an honorable show of trust and there should be no shame in it. By the time he was finished, the sun was well in the sky and it had been decided Neji would accompany Lee to physical therapy. The other two members of Team Gai departed with promises to return before sunset to share a meal and relieve Neji. Lee watched them go with a pit in his stomach and then glanced up at his rival.

“Let’s go then,” the genius sighed, looking anywhere but at Lee as they started their way back into the main section of the hospital. 

The taijutsu specialist hobbled along, his armpit aching from the crutch propped up under it. Neji did not slow his pace at all or glance back to ensure his teammate was keeping up and the shinobi was glad for it. His rival was probably the only person who was not treating him like some form of an invalid in the midst of his defeat. Tenten had curbed her sharp and abrasive attitude so as not to hurt his feelings and Gai Sensei, for all his well wishes, treated him as if he were a delicate crystal figurine rather than a boy well on his way to manhood. Neji continued to be snobbish and demanding of Lee and the Leaf nin liked to tell himself it was because the Hyuga respected him too much to do anything less.

Iyashi met them at the rehabilitation center and nodded at the two genin politely. He was a very serious medical ninja and often left much to be desired in the conversations Lee had with him, but he was good at his job and devoted to his patients. He along with Lady Tsunade had crafted a specialized physical therapy schedule to ease Lee back into movement so that he could continue to recover while building up his muscles once more. That day he left the boys with a simple task.

“Climb the stairs to the hospital entrance up and down until you can’t anymore,” he recited, raising a brow when Neji and Lee leaned in as if expecting more.

“Riveting-” Neji’s sarcastic comment was over cut by his teammate who had stars in his eyes and a fist raised towards the sky.

“If I cannot make it up and down the stairs one hundred times by dinner then I will walk around the hospital on my hands until sunrise!”

“You will do no such thing, Lee-san,” Iyashi sighed, eyes roaming his chart lazily as he marked some notes here and there. “Do not push yourself to pain, only to exhaustion, do you understand?”

The Leaf nin made a quick bow at the waist, a twinge of pain shooting up his back at the abrupt movement. “Yosh!”

“I leave him to you,” the older man draweld at Neji before walking off to visit with other patients. The Hyuga sighed, side eyeing his group member in annoyance where he bounced on the balls of his feet, confusingly excited for the challenge ahead. He sneered, as was his habit, and followed Lee’s quick hobble to the stairs at a leisurely pace. 

The first trip down the stairs was easy because of course it was and the trip back up only left the taijutsu specialist feeling a little winded. His leg and arm ached, but no more than usual and he smiled at Neji taking the opposite side of the stairs beside him. The dream was far from his mind now.

“Soon I will be back in top form and able to fight you!” he ensured, setting his eyes back in front of him as his foot caught on one of the steps. From his peripherals he saw the Hyuga’s whole body stiffen with a scoff.

“You’ve never beaten me before and you likely never will,” he grumbled, hands buried deep in his pockets and eyes on the horizon. It was a nice day out, not hot and dusty like Sunagakure. Lee tripped again. “People don’t change.”

“You said the same thing about Lady Hinata,” the other boy observed not unkindly, using the formal name Neji always used when speaking of his cousin. “You said she was not brave enough to fight you and she did. Likewise, Naruto was not a failure in your-”

“I was-!” Neji’s statement, hot and clearly angry, got bitten off and he scowled across the village. Lee continued down the stairs, picking up speed only when his leg felt strong enough to do so. He could feel the annoyance rolling off his chaperone, but left him room to think. “I was...wrong...about Naruto.”

“Only about Naruto?” the taller shinobi tested, not truly wanting to raise his teammate’s ire, but curious as to where his head was at after all this time. The Hyuga scoffed again, his hair snapping about as he turned towards Lee again. 

“Hinata has not  _ changed _ ,” he reasoned coldly, “She only wants to impress Uzumaki.”

“Naruto is her most precious person,” Lee acquiesced. A blind man a mile away could see Hinata was in love with Naruto and yet the fact seemed to elude the blonde, too focused on his goal of becoming Hokage. “Improving for a cherished one is an honorable pursuit.”

“Gai Sensei has filled your head with flowers,” Neji grumbled, eyes flashing over Lee’s form as he took a brief breather at the bottom of the staircase. “You should train and improve for no one but yourself.”

Rock Lee decided to spend a few laps catching his breath rather than arguing back. The conversation was admittedly making his therapy task more difficult, but it was also the most he and Neji had ever spoken civilly. He hobbled slowly up the steps, bad knee trembling as he contemplated his response. Obviously Gai Sensei had instilled each of them with the drive to chase their dreams with the unending energy of youth, but he had also acknowledged they may all pull inspiration from different places. He spoke often about how his ongoing rivalry with Kakashi Sensei was the reason he pushed himself so hard.

“You train to defend your branch family’s honor,” he noted at last, the bright Konoha sun causing a light sweat to break out on his temple. He kept his eyes staunchly forward, just a touch frightened to face his teammate while speaking on the taboo topic of his family hierarchy. “You will become the best in your clan just to prove you can. I train to prove I can become an admirable ninja with no ninjutsu or genjutsu, but also so I can one day beat you in battle. 

“I think...we all want to be honorable Leaf shinobi at the end of the day, but we have other motives that also drive us towards that goal. I think just because Lady Hinata wants to get stronger to impress Naruto does not negate the progress she has made.”

They were at the top of the stairs again, the taijutsu specialist panting lowly as the Hyuga thought over his words in a stony silence. They were not a chatty team in general, but Lee and Neji especially did not often share kind words together. The Leaf nin counted himself lucky his teammate had not simply shoved him down the stairs before continuing on with his day. Instead, it looked like the boy was honestly considering the observation. 

They were halfway down again when he finally mused, “You shouldn’t keep pushing yourself just to beat me.” Rock Lee raised a sweaty eyebrow at him, grip white knuckled on his crutch. “You’ll never manage it and plus we’re teammates. You should set your eyes on Gaara of the Desert.”

A tired and shaky breath rushed out of his chest and Lee flung his head to the side to toss his damp bangs out of his eyes. The bottom of the staircase was approaching and he craved the break. Still he huffed, “I can fight you both.”

Neji let him rest at the bottom for a beat longer than he had been, but then he started up again, tossing a challenging look over his shoulder when his teammate did not follow immediately. The two boys went up and down and up and down for a while longer until Lee’s faithful green jumpsuit was drenched with sweat and his whole body trembled with the effort just to make it up one step. When he nearly collapsed at the top of the stairs, Neji called the day much to his chagrin and stated they should start preparing for their teams return anyway.

The slow trudge back to Lee’s hospital room was blanketed by their usual silence and the genin took that time to think over his dream once more. As the day and his therapy had stretched on, he had shaken off most of the after effects of the vision, but certain things still stuck with him. He thought about the sorrowful look older Gaara had carried and the way he crowded around Lee like he cared for him. Like he cherished him. It was a weird place for his subconscious to travel after all that had transpired, but he considered the comments Neji and Gai Sensei had made about the Sand shinobi that day.

In a sense, Gai had observed, Gaara would be responsible for Rock Lee becoming a stronger shinobi in the long run. Neji had suggested Lee make the Sand nin his new reason to improve, the goal towards which he plowed with renewed vigor. Even in the dream, older Gaara had claimed the two of them fell in love after the taijutsu specialist admitted the  challenge of healing made him better. In some ways...it made sense? The Leaf nin did  _ not  _ agree that such feelings would evolve into a romantic inclination, but he could see how his brain may be trying to tell him Gaara was...important in his life. Besides Neji and of course his sensei, Gaara of the Sand was the first person to hand Lee such a complete and devastating defeat. Perhaps he had grown too confident in his abilities and needed such a challenge to humble him and make him work harder? 

Rock Lee sighed the heavy thoughts away as they finally reached his cool, dim room. He took a light sip of the bitter medicine Lady Tsunade had made for him. It was late into the afternoon now, he had not reached his goal in physical therapy and he bemoaned this fact as Neji helped him undress to bathe with an irritated scowl. There was still so much he could not do, but he swore to himself it would not be long before he was independent once more and stronger than before. Perhaps he could thank Gaara for that new drive at least.

He washed, redressed, and followed Neji back to the canteen. His teammate would never be so accommodating as to grab his tray for him, so Lee shuffled awkwardly across the room trying to balance his food, drink, and crutch without causing too much of a scene as the Hyuga watched his approach with an indifferent stare. Once they were both at the table, Tenten found them, looking refreshed and rested compared to how she had appeared in the early morning. She took the seat besides Neji and the taijutsu specialist flashed back to his dream again. They certainly didn't act like they would fall in love one day.

“How was therapy today? Are you feeling better?"

"I am,” Lee ensured brightly, “Therapy went well but I did not meet my goal so I must continue pushing myself!”

His teammates rolled their eyes in perfect synchronization and maybe they did have some chemistry. Tenten filled in the gaps of her day since they saw each other over breakfast. She described visiting Ino at her family’s flower shop and added her best amateur sound effects recounting her solo training session. She was apparently improving greatly with her fuinjutsu skills. Lee listened, enraptured, and occasionally glanced at Neji to see if he appeared any more or less interested than usual. His chilling eyes remained on his meal.

Gai Sensei joined them once they were nearly finished, bringing with him another mountain of herbal medicine balls and news that Kakashi was fully recovered and ready to leave the hospital. Tenten and Neji expressed varying levels of relief that the Copy Ninja was back to his old self while Lee choked down the first bitter ball and tried to keep tears from flooding from his eyes. The team talked and laughed and made plans for the near and distant future, none of them mentioning that they had lost count of how many times they had eaten dinner in the hospital cafeteria.

When the sun was falling behind the mountains, Neji and Tenten wished them goodnight and headed home to their families, Lee watching them go with a sort of hollow joy echoing through his chest cavity. Gai Sensei placed a heavy hand on his shoulder and steered him towards his room, talking all the while about how sleep was not only rest for the body but for the soul as well. Tucked into the corner of Konoha hospital, the taijutsu specialist listened to his master talk about his own time as a genin, how he had met Kakashi, and how his students would all grow to be exceptional ninja’s in their time. His usually booming voice was low and soothing and Rock Lee felt his eyes growing heavy with each passing sentence. He fell asleep between one breath and the next, confident that nothing could hurt him here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooooooh thoughts?!


	4. oneirataxia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ONEIRATAXIA (noun) - the inability to distinguish between fantasy and reality.

Rock Lee's eyelids fluttered open. He was feeling pleasantly warm and he turned his head hoping to catch a glimpse of his sensei.

"Good morning," said Gaara of the Desert, watching him from his chair beside the hospital bed, blackrimmed eyes piercing him coolly. Lee’s whole body tensed, but he refused to panic. He blinked slowly back at the Sand shinobi and felt his throat bob as he swallowed around a dry mouth.

"This is not real." The taijutsu specialist clutched that knowledge to himself like a security blanket. He remembered waking up back in Konoha. He could still feel the ache in his body from climbing the staircase for hours with Neji the previous day. This was not reality. He didn't know why he'd come back to this same place, but it was only a dream and he could mull over the reasons behind it when he woke up again. 

Gaara watched him, clearly disappointed though Lee couldn’t pinpoint how he’d be able to tell. His face was like a statue. "I thought you were feeling better; you said your memory was returning."

"I do not have a memory problem, I am simply dreaming about you."

"If you say so." The Leaf nin felt the itchy sensation of sand sliding over his skin again and sat up in revulsion. "I won’t hurt you, Lee, it’s for protection."

"I do not need protection from a fantasy. Do not touch me please."

Gaara frowned, his features tiny and petulant even in adulthood, then extended his index finger and deliberately pushed against the other man’s shoulder in a childish display of defiance. Lee chose not to rise to his goading though he pondered why he would imagine his rival doing such a thing. Granted the whole premise of the dream was beyond his understanding so perhaps small details should not matter.

"Maito Gai will be here soon," the redhead informed when he realized he would not get a response for his troubles. “Please avoid telling him you don’t think he’s real, you know he’ll just cry about it.” 

Lee also diligently ignored the underhanded jab at his sensei and sniffed, "When can I leave?"

"The hospital? Ameno planned to discharge you next week, but if you’re not improving I’m sure she’ll want to keep you longer."

"Is that a challenge?"

The faux Kazekage ran his fingers down his face, scraping at the layer of flaky sandstone there. Gaara looked as though he hadn't slept in days himself, which was saying something. He sighed, “Not everything is a challenge, Lee. We all just want you to get better.” 

"What day is it?"

"Tuesday."

The genin nodded absently, a bit impressed since it actually was supposed to be Tuesday. His subconscious was at least keeping track of the week. He was staring off into nothing, still pondering which of his daily activities could be causing him to return to this strange nightmare scenario when he felt a heavy gaze on the side of his face. Gaara was watching him with a look so sad and distant it actually made Rock Lee feel uncomfortable to see it on a living creature. He licked his desert dry lips. 

"You really don't remember,” the redhead seemed to finally admit to himself, voice hollow. “I thought maybe you were trying to play one of those practical jokes Kankuro is always talking about...or maybe you wanted an excuse to leave me and return to Konoha."

"I do not need an excuse to leave you because we are not together." Lee settled back into his pillows, at ease if only just. “This is just a nightmare.”

"You've said that before,” Gaara mused, head tilting in a reptilian imitation of a thoughtful pose. His make-believe husband frowned at him. "Only once though, when you weren’t allowed to go on a mission to Sound with me because someone had to look after the village."

Lee huffed, a bit irritated at his own brain for creating such a silly fabrication for him to navigate. "I know this is a dream because I would never marry you and I would never allow myself to miss out on an important mission."

"Getting married was your idea, not mine,” the beast of Suna huffed right back, irritation bubbling just below his tone, “I was fine with what we had, but you said our villages would never truly accept our relationship unless we became one.” 

"I would not have said that."

"You did," he snapped back, more than a touch accusatory, his ability to show emotions far beyond what it had been when Lee had seen him last. “Our marriage raised your rank and meant you were just as responsible for the safety of Sunagakure as myself and so some missions had to be missed.”

Before the Leaf shinobi could process the audacity of his mind to suggest he would take a step back from his ninja duties to dabble in politics he heard a noise outside the room. Two men stepped in and Rock Lee balked at the image of his beloved master and Kakashi Sensei as older gentlemen, no longer wearing their Konoha uniforms but instead in civilian clothes and smiling warmly at him.

“Lee!”

“Gai Sensei!” He couldn’t help it, he was always happy to see his sensei, even this unfamiliar version of him that had grey streaks in his hair and wrinkles around his mouth and eyes. The tall man stepped over to his bedside and immediately there was a large hand resting on his shoulder. “You came for me!”

“Kazekage-sama,” Kakashi greeted, reaching out to shake the Sand shinobi’s hand. “How are you?”

“Well, thank you.” Gaara dipped his head politely and shot a look over to the bed where Lee was still looking over his sensei critically, seeing him for the first time. “You received my message?”

“Our priceless protege has lost his memories,” Gai recited, tears already pouring down his face as he also seemed to study Lee. The two looked less similar now, but the younger man figured this was how he’d always imagined his team leader would age.

Gaara nodded. "I’m glad you could come. I'll give you three some time."

He left and Kakashi came to the other side of Lee’s bed. He had also aged though less obviously. The genin could see creases in the man’s forehead, his hitai-ate long gone and a simple patch covering his Sharingan. His hair was less wild and the air around him no longer crackled with carefully suppressed energy. He seemed tame somehow.

“We came as soon as we could,” the Copy Ninja stated, “We were traveling through Mist when Gaara managed to get a message to us. Their Mizukage was wondering if we’d be interested in teaching temporary classes on taijutsu and fuinjutsu. I was actually going to recommend Tenten-"

“Rival, please!” Gai grouched loudly, arms full of his student as he glared at his old friend, “Lee does not want to hear about our boring lives in retirement!”

“I do!” the younger man insisted, wiggling briefly to loosen his master’s grip around him. He looked up at the former Anbu. “Thank you so much for accompanying Gai Sensei back Kakashi Sensei, but…”

The awkward question faded out, the Leaf genin not wanting to appear rude. However, he was very confused why he would dream about the white haired shinobi traveling with his master. The two were as close as rivals could be, but Rock Lee personally had no relationship or real interactions with Kakashi so his presence at his sick bed felt a touch odd even if it was not real. Gai guided his students' gaze back to him with a rough hand on his chin. He looked sad.

“Lee, what’s the last thing you remember?” The black haired youth once more explained his successful surgery and added the detail of beginning regular physical therapy. His master sighed through his nose and nodded. “So then you would not remember Kakashi and I married after we retired four years ago.”

“ _What_ !?” Lee yelped, not sure what was the more shocking detail. That his beloved teacher would ever do something like retire from ninja life, or that he would marry the man who had been besting him for decades. Why was he dreaming these things? “Did _everyone_ get married in the last five years?!” 

The two older men glanced at each other worriedly.

“Lee, your surgery was seven years ago,” Kakashi drawled, his good eye studying the Leaf nin lying there in the bed.

“No,” he replied absently, still reeling from the madness of the situation and honestly trying to shake himself awake, “No, Gaara and I have been married two years and the exams were five years ago.” He relayed the false truths he had been continuously fed in this nightmare and watched as his master and his apparent husband chuckled uncomfortably. Gai’s wide frame moved up and down as he gave an exaggerated shrug.

“Lee, that would mean you and Gaara were married at sixteen and seventeen.”

“That’s kind of young, kiddo,” the Copy Ninja joked dryly.

The younger man frowned at them, ready to argue back once more when he recalled his comment to Tenten the day (night?) before. He had complained they had all married oddly young in an attempt to challenge the genjutsu he had still thought he’d been under. Now his subconscious was trying to piece things back together in a way that made more sense. And yet it still did nothing about the fact he was married to his chunin exams opponent. He pinched at the bridge of his nose, a headache somehow blooming behind his eyes even as he slept.

“How old am I?”

“You’re twenty-one and Gaara just turned twenty last month.”

The taijutsu specialist tossed his head back onto his pillow, the meat of his palms digging into his eye sockets as he groaned tiredly. 

“When will this dream be over?” he whined, hot tears making another appearance much to his anger. He felt Gai and Kakashi resting hands along his side and just kept willing them away quietly. These were not his mentors. His mentors would never retire, they would die on duty defending Konohagakure. 

This was not real, this was not real; this was only a dream, a nightmare, an illusion. 

* * *

Rock Lee woke up with a jolt, eyes crusted with sleep, and knew at once he was really awake. His sensei was already up and gripping his ankle much like Tenten had as he quietly read a fighting manual. He was young again, hair black as night and face smooth with youth. Lee swallowed around a lump in his throat.

"Hello," he rasped, waving groggily when Gai caught his eye. 

“Good morning, my delightful disciple!” Gai greeted, jumping to his feet and striking a Nice Guy pose to start their day. “You were quite active in sleep. Did you dream?”

“Yes, about you and Kakashi Sensei.” 

“Ah! My forever advisory!” The older man’s eyes seemed to flash with a competitive flare and Lee blinked, again wondering if this looked like a man who would be married in seven (five?) years. “Were we in the heat of an invigorating battle?”

“You were older,” his pupil informed, still not rising from his restful position as he tried to shake the dream. Even having spent very little time with Gaara, the illusion left him feeling shaky and frightened. “You...seemed to have put the rivalry behind you.”

Gai’s wide face shifted through an array of comical expressions before he rested a hand to his chin thoughtfully. His large eyebrows were furrowed as he seemed to struggle with the idea of one day not challenging Kakashi Hatake. Lee drank in this version of him, the real him, and was comforted when his idol merely laughed loudly, whole body moved with humor. He swiped a hand through the air in a dismissive wave.

“Perhaps one day I will allow Kakashi a reprieve from my challenges,” he enthused with a wink, “But not until I have won at least once. Perhaps your dream was a glimpse into the future when such an event has already occurred!”

The comment, meant to be a joking comfort, made the genin blink owlishly. He had been so staunch in his belief that his dreams were simply that, he had never considered they may be something more. As Gai helped him from bed and the two made their way towards the cafeteria, the older man talking the whole way, Lee only continued to wonder about glimpsing the future. 

When Tenten and Neji joined them at breakfast, Gai Sensei bid them all a good day and stated he had much to attend to for the new Hokage. The village was still recovering from the attack by Sand, their forces cut in half and several ninjas still recovering or mourning comrades. When the three genin were alone, Lee glanced nervously about the cantine before he leaned towards his teammates conspiratorially. 

“Is it possible for shinobi to have visions of the future?”

The other two Leaf ninjas had been mid-conversation on new fighting techniques and looked taken aback by Lee’s sudden interruption. Tenten, a bit of pork dangingly from her lips, nudged Neji with her elbow and the Hyuga sighed as if the mere act of answering a question was very tedious to him. His chopsticks sliced through the air as he spoke.

“To date, there are no recorded ninjas who can use any type of jutsu that allows them to see the future, but the Great Toad Sage is famous for making very accurate prophecies about it.”

“The Great Toad Sage?”

“Gamamaru,” Tenten mumbled around her mouthful of food, wiping at her chin as Neji continued eating. “He lives on Mount Myoboku in the Land of Toads and is like...a thousand years old.”

“So he really is...a toad?”

“Obviously,” Neji huffed, shooting a rather annoyed scowl at his teammate as they all returned attention to their meals.

Lee pushed his rice around the bowl, but found his appetite had still not returned. He figured Gamamaru was one of those creatures he would have heard about regularly if his parents had been alive or his aunt and uncle had taken any interest in him. Neji and Tenten seemed to know a great deal about him and about the inability of shinobi to see into the future.

So he wasn’t seeing the future.

What was with this dream then?

They finished eating and Neji left with no goodbye. Tenten made idle conversation as she walked with Lee to rehabilitation, and he tried to make polite replies when prompted, but his brain was elsewhere. He kept seeing Gaara and Gai and Kakashi whenever he blinked and he felt tired and drained by the time they were finally standing in front of Iyashi. The medical ninja took in his rumpled appearance and weary eyes.

“I told you not to over do it yesterday,” he accused lowly. 

“I did not,” Lee assured, leaning heavily on his crutch. A bruise had begun to form under his armpit along with a rather unpleasant smell. “I am just tired.”

Tenten cast him a concerned look and Iyashi just grunted, “Leg lifts today. We want to improve range of motion.”

The medi nin set them up in a corner of the rehabilitation center on a padded mat on the ground. Lee sat with his legs outstretched and Tenten knelt before him, hands lifted and facing down. The taijutsu specialist had to lift his leg to kick lightly at her palms before lowering it and lifting the other. Left leg, right leg. Iyashi watched them repeat the exercise the first few times, encouraged short breaks between sets, and then was gone. The weapons specialist joked lightly that she and Neji were better physical therapists than he was, but her teammate just kept kicking his feet slowly without comment.

“Are you alright, Lee?” the kunoichi asked after a long stint of steady leg lifts. Lee mourned the loss of the endeared title from his dreams and glanced at her confusedly. “You seem...off today.”

Left leg, right leg. 

“I had an odd dream last night.”

“Another nightmare?”

Lee strained to lift his bad leg and kick his friend’s hand. “No, it was not...scary, but…”

“You didn’t like what you saw?” she surmised, smiling encouragingly when the tip of his sandal brushed her fingers. The Leaf genin nodded. “What did you see?”

Left leg, right leg.

“It was Gai Sensei,” he grunted, feeling a twinge in his thigh but pushing through it. “He was older and...different.”

“Hm,” Tenten mused, eyes hidden below her lashes as she shrugged, “Well we’re all going to change when we get older. Even sensei.”

“You were in it too,” Lee informed, recalling the original nightmare that had seemed to drag on for days. His teammate glanced up at him and flashed a rather roguish smile, not unlike the one the older version of her had dawned at different moments.

“Oh yeah, how did I look? I bet I’m a total knockout when I’m older.”

Left leg, right leg.

“You were very beautiful,” the taijutsu specialist observed absently, rolling his bad shoulder back in a testing motion, not truly focused as he thought back on his last few nights of troubled sleep. “You wore jewelry and were tall with a pretty face and…” He glanced over and caught his teammate watching him with wary eyes, lips pursed as if trying to decide if she should be angry. “A-And you were married to Neji.”

“What?!”

In the heat of her irritation, Tenten apparently forgot about Lee’s injury because she smacked his bad leg back to the ground rather aggressively. He cringed all over, gripping his thigh as tears gathered in the corners of his eyes. “Ow! Tenten-!”

“Why are you dreaming about such things?!” she berated shooing his hands away as she readjusted his foot to be right in front of her knee. She lifted her hands again, higher this time, no doubt to spite him. “I would _never_ marry Neji.”

Lee pouted at her but braced his arms behind him to continue with the therapy. His bad leg shook now when he lifted it. “That is what I thought too.”

“Peh!”

They continued on in silence, Tenten occasionally tapping a corrective finger against a bent knee or slacking calf. Left leg, right leg. She periodically raised and lowered the level her hands were at and Lee had to agree that she seemed to take his physical therapy far more seriously than Iyashi did. Her eyes stayed focused on the back of her own hands, but after years of working together the taijutsu specialist could tell she was deep in thought over something.

“Is that what upset you about the dream?” she asked at last, not meeting his gaze when he looked up at her, “Me being married to Neji?”

“No,” Lee insisted, shaking his head vigorously, “There were other things far more...disturbing to worry about.”

Left leg, right leg.

His friend hummed lightly, taking his words at face value before she finally looked up and caught him in an understanding but pitying look. 

“Dreams are just dreams, Lee. They can’t hurt you.”

* * *

“Kirigakure has changed a lot in the last few years, but I’m not surprised they still have so many missing nin,” Kakashi drawled, good eye rolled towards the ceiling, “Their academy students still have to fight to the death to advance.”

“Not to mention all that mist is terrible for one's appearance,” Gai added gravely, large frame tucked beside his student’s on the greenhouse bench. “My hair was a complete mess the entire time we were in that territory.”

Rock Lee snickered lightly and sighed a little contented sigh. He was dreaming again, but it was better now. Gai and Kakashi had gotten him out of the hospital, stairways and corridors Lee had struggled to find seeming to materialize as soon as the older men guided him out of his room. The Suna sun was too harsh to meander in, so his sensei had piggybacked him the short distance to one of the village’s greenhouses. They sat amongst the succulents and aloe plants and talked amicably about everything else Lee couldn’t remember. His legs still ached from therapy and so he couldn’t explore the greenery, but he was still enjoying himself.

"You're still recovering," Gaara had warned Lee when he'd seen the other two shinobi helping him from the room. The taijutsu specialist was still not entirely comfortable with his brain’s depictions of the Sand ninja and so had just mumbled some excuse about wanting fresh air. The Kazekage had not joined them.

The greenhouse was unlike anything Rock Lee had ever experienced, more plant-life and flaura than he had ever seen even in the forests of Konoha. On the far sides were meter high fronds that looked like the starting and end points of a leafy maze and there were rows upon rows of brightly colored flowers he could not hope to name. The Leaf nin wondered how he could dream of things he had never seen, but decided to enjoy the change of scenery anyway. At the end of the day he had never stepped foot in Sunagakure in his entire life so everything he was seeing was of his own creation. It wasn’t too bad when Gaara wasn’t around.

"Tell me more about your travels," he gushed as Kakashi made another idle lap around a man-made koi pond that acted as the center of the greenhouse. “Have you seen all of the Great Nations?”

Miato Gai grew magically more animated as he launched into a detailed retelling of their trip through the Land of Lightning, not even letting his husband get a word in. Lee lapped up all the information about Kumogakure and wondered how much of it was actually accurate. He had always been interested in all the rules and traditions of other hidden villages, but genin life left very little time for leisurely travel or vacations. He swore one day he would see these places in real life, even Suna, and compare them to his fantasies. 

Outside the greenhouse, citizens of Sand passed by going about their daily lives. Some glanced through the windows and waved to the taijutsu specialist or bowed their heads respectfully. It made the Leaf nin feel awkward, but it also made sense. Dream Gaara had explained how his rank had changed upon their union, so it would only stand to reason that people would acknowledge him out in public just as he would acknowledge Lady Tsunade in the village. The young man pondered if his brain had conjured this particular detail just so he could dream of people actually noticing him for once.

They returned to his room when the sun was retreating back across the desert. Rock Lee convinced them to stay through dinner, barely tasting the bland fantasy of food Yome dropped off. Kakashi made a comment about barely seeing Gaara the last few days and the taijutsu specialist sniffed dismissively. He hoped this meant he was starting to get more control over his dreams; that if he could not be rid of the little Sand demon then at least he could keep him at bay.

"Do you remember mine and Kakashi’s house in Konoha?" Gai asked. "We put a personal training field in the back and I had been looking forward to you trying it out during your next detail to Leaf."

"I do not remember." This was becoming Lee’s least favorite phrase in this fantasy world. "Can we go back when I am released?"

"Sure, kiddo," Kakashi said, and he said something else, but Lee’s hearing suddenly garbled, or else he fell asleep, because he blinked and he was laying down with a vague memory of his mentors leaving. Gaara of the Desert sat in his usual seat, reading something out of a folder. Perhaps a mission report. Lee wondered how he could dream of a Kage being absent from his work for so many days in a row.

"You can leave."

The redhead looked up from his reading, seemingly just noticing that his husband was awake. "Do you know what day it is?"

“Wednesday.”

"Do you know who I am?"

"I know this is not _really_ you, but yes I know who you are.”

He folded his arms. "What's my name?"

"Gaara.”

"What's my last name?"

Lee balked, irritated at his own busy brain for testing him with things he could not possibly know. He was not even sure citizens of Sand took last names or belonged to clans. And even if they did he had never heard Gaara’s mentioned, not even in passing during the exams. He scowled at the man across from him and crossed his arms angrily.

"How many guesses am I allowed?"

"I'm staying." He dropped his eyes back to the folder.

"Where were you today?"

The other man’s chilly gaze flickered to him then back to his report. "When?"

"I was out with Gai and Kakashi for quite some time and you were not here in the room. Where were you?"

"You understand while you’re here I have to run the village by myself, right?"

"I am not Kazekage."

Realizing he wasn't going back to his work, Gaara set it aside with a raspy little huff. “No, Lee, but you are my partner and you do hold a fair bit of power here. I know you don’t remember but you went through several months of private lessons in order to take on a leadership role. That’s how you and Temari got so close, you took her place as my advisor when she relocated to Leaf to live with her husband. 

The taijutsu specialist blinked confusedly. “You trust me enough to take care of Suna?”

“I trust you with my life, Lee...I wish you'd remember."

He went back to his reading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> your guys' comments are sooo fun to read and I want to interact but I dare not give anything away


	5. sciamachy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SCIAMACHY (noun) - a battle against imaginary enemies

Lee woke in the hospital room to several changes. He rested in the chair Gaara usually occupied, alone and not haunted by his would-be spouse. He wasn't wearing his hospital gown, but instead his usual green jumpsuit and legwarmers, sans sleeves. It was odd seeing his arms with no bandages and the Leaf nin ogled the skin along his damaged arm. 

Here in the dream, now seven years in the future, his wounds from the exams were long since healed and no more than a spiderweb of thin scars along his bicep. It was so strange to see the cuts, red and angry when he fell asleep, reduced to barely there stripes of pale raised flesh. The familiar ache beneath them revealed the truth though. 

This was still only an illusion.

A small rucksack was packed and sat innocently on the bed and Lee stood to dig through it curiously. He found his weights, a scarf the same color and material as his leg warmers and a set of robes that looked suspiciously formal and built for the desert. Not Kage attire per say, but very similar. There was also a rough shaped ring of quartz that looked about his size, but he ignored it and grabbed his weights, leaving everything else behind. This was the genin’s dream and he was finally getting out.

The weights pulled at his legs, this being the first time he’d dawned them in over a month, and as he stood to leave Gaara stepped through the door. He blinked as if not at all surprised to see the patient up and moving towards the exit.

"Are you ready?"

"For what?" Lee asked tensely. He considered dropping into a fighting stance, but decided to see where this was going. He was still not in fighting form yet.

"You're coming home today. I just signed the last of the release forms."

"Why did I not see them?"

Gaara did that thing where he tilted his head like a desert lizard and frowned. "Did you want to? They're dull, and say we agree that if you're showing any regressions, we'll come back to Ameno for help, but it's not the hospital's fault if we don't.”

The taijutsu specialist flashed back to a previous dream. "Tenten said I could stay with her and Neji when I was discharged." Not that Tenten’s presence in this dream was any more real than anything else, but Lee would trust a version of his teammate in any reality more than Gaara of the Sand.

The Sand shinobi’s face darkened, a sort of tangy sourness permeating the air as his chakra rolled and crackled. He was unhappy. "If that's what you want, when they get back from their trip, you can contact them."

"What trip?"

"They're traveling to Iwagakure so Tenten can visit their weapons specialist and find new items to seal in her scrolls. Neji told you the last time they visited."

The memory popped into Rock Lee’s mind like a thick, murky bubble. They'd come, shown him an unfamiliar weapon they had confiscated off a missing nin, and promised to bring back souvenirs that weren’t deadly. This wasn't a real memory the Leaf nin observed with an off kilter fascination, just a dream of one. "Oh...I remember now."

The redhead walked with him out of the hospital into an impossibly dry day. Sunagakure was busiest right after dawn and in the low light of dusk. Now, in the middle of the afternoon, it’s residents had taken shelter from the sun indoors and Lee could see for miles out into the salt flats without a human figure impeding his view. He was trying to guess exactly which direction to flee in in order to reach Konoha when a stiff arm wrapped around his slender waist.

The flat palm he lashed out with to strike Gaara was blocked by a wall of sand that shook under the force. A sound like rolling thunder echoed through the empty streets. Hand still up, the shinobi watched as the wall slowly disintegrated to reveal the Sand nin looking as nonplussed as ever, arms folded tightly over his chest. He squinted at Lee as if he were a minor annoyance and not a formidable enemy.

“Don’t do that.”

“Do not touch me!”

“I was going to transport us home.”

“I can run there on my own!”

“You’re not supposed to be running yet.”

“Then I am perfectly capable of walking!”

“Do you even know where we live?”

Lee hesitated, waiting for another false memory to take root in his mind, but nothing came. Glancing around the area of the village he could see from their location, it was impossible to tell which building may be the Kazekage’s house. They all looked the same. He grumbled irrately as the beast of Suna once more snaked his arm around him. His face had not changed from its usual mask of cool indifference, but Lee could swear he  _ felt  _ smug.

“Close your eyes and mouth,” he warned dryly.

His companion scoffed. “Do not tell me what to-!”

A burst of air, even hotter than the natural temperature of the literal desert they were standing in suddenly kicked up all around them. The Leaf nin yelped as the miniature sandstorm incased his body, tiny granules of sand stinging his eyes and face. It was over as quickly as it had begun and Lee pushed Gaara away roughly, coughing painfully around the mouthful of sand he had inhaled. He was bent in half, hacking violently and tears coursing freely in an attempt to eject the tiny invaders from his eyes. Gaara merely watched him, again, oozing smugness in all his silent observation. 

“I warned you,” he noted factually and the other shinobi wished he was less well mannered so he could reply with a nasty word or an offensive hand gesture like the ones Naruto was always using. It was as if Gaara could sense this desire in him, because his eyes went cold and the air between them grew tense. “Welcome home.”

The last of the sand scraped from his tongue, Lee straightened up and looked all around him. The house was large and cool and dark, very few windows allowing the scorching sun to peek through. The walls looked like they had been carved out of the very mountains themselves and the furniture was all rough stone covered in plush fabric. They were standing in an entryway. There was a doorway to the left that led towards what looked like a kitchen area and another to the right that opened into a study. The stairs directly ahead of them climbed up into the upper levels of the house and the Leaf nin wondered what was up there. All in all it was...nice.

“I live here?” Lee murmured in awe, not used to having such a large space to call home. Pulled by his own curiosity he began to explore the lower level, Gaara close on his heal. 

“ _ We _ live here.”

And it did seem to be the home of two. Lee could see traces of himself tucked into corners; an extra set of weights by the door, a sweatband tossed onto a side table. There were pieces of decor and furniture he could not imagine a Gaara getting for himself and so he had to reason he had picked out. In the study, a cushy green armchair beside a bookcase overflowing with fighting manuals as well as history books of Suna. Delicate lamp fixtures that looked like the falling leaves of Konohagakure. 

He wandered into the kitchen, transfixed, and spotted his coffee maker from home sitting innocently on the counter. The exact one, old and dented from being passed down from Gai Sensei. The genin gave a startled little laugh at seeing it and began to poke around in the cabinets. His favorite protein mixes were present in the cupboards and the fridge was stocked with all the ingredients to make curry pilaf. He could feel a set of intense green eyes on his back and straightened. 

“Now I am positive this is a dream!” he declared triumphantly, slamming the fridge shut with vigor as he turned to face his illusion. The Kazekage looked a bit taken aback by his sudden change in mood, but humored him all the same. 

“How do you figure?”

“Because,” Lee insisted, arm straight out to poke a finger in the other man’s chest, “I have been in the hospital for weeks! Certainly all my groceries would have spoiled by now!”

The look the redhead leveled him with was equal parts confused, concerned, and annoyed. Annoyance appeared to take the lead as he rolled his eyes and swatted the Leaf shinobi’s hand away. “I know what foods my husband eats and the Anbu don’t usually let us go long without fresh food.”

“Your Anbu get your groceries for you?” The older man wasn’t sure why that note of all made him stop short. It just seemed like a weird detail. Gaara nodded, arms still crossed over his chest and protecting his soft insides. “Surely they have more important duties to see to.”

“You and I both usually agree we do not need the extra protection and prefer our privacy for...intimate moments.”

The absolutely  _ horrified  _ look Lee dawned at the mention of any type of intimacy being shared with Gaara was interrupted by a loud gurgle from his stomach. A blush painted his cheeks as he grasped at his rumbling gut, wondering how he could be hungry when he ate with his team before bed last night. The redhead looked unfazed and merely nodded towards the fridge. 

“There’s left over sunagimo in there if you’re hungry.”

“Suna what?”

“Chicken gizzards.” At another horrified look from his partner the Kazekage made a wet clicking sound with his mouth. It took Lee a moment to realize he had kissed his teeth in irritation. It was oddly human of him. “You like it, we eat it all the time.”

The Leaf ninja did not care for this dream logic and said as much before declaring he would prepare a hearty meal of spicy curry. The beast of Suna warned he would grow angry with hunger by then, but was merely shooed from the cooking area. Only to be called back a few minutes later when Lee realized he did not know where anything was stored in this kitchen; it was nothing like the set up he’d had in his apartment. The two men moved warily around each other as Lee continued to point out all the ways he was sure this was a dream. 

“It is not even consistent,” he grumbled some time later, sweat peppering his brow as he simmered the chunks of chicken he had sliced up on the stove. Gaara watched from the corner, lips and fingers greasy with reheated sunagimo. “One day I am told it has been five years since my surgery and the next I am told seven.”

“We’ve all been saying seven, Lee.”

“Peh.” 

He could not devote more to his retort because it was taking all his focus and control to not be too aggressive in his mixing of the pan. Lee’s stomach grumbled consistently now, the painful ache clawing at his gut as he continued the tedious, meticulous work of preparing the perfect curry. He was still at least twenty minutes from a meal when his arm began to tremble and shake. The pan clattered on the stove top and then Gaara was there. 

“Do not-!”

“You’ve over exerted yourself,” the dry voice cut over him coldly. Gaara had one arm around his waist and the other easing the pan from Lee’s grip when the taijutsu specialist realized he was shaking all over and had sweat pooled in his hair and down his back. “I shouldn’t have let you be so stubborn.”

The stove was flicked off with a wave of sand and the Leaf nin wondered, not for the first time, where the gourd was. The redhead eased him back into a waiting chair and Lee let him because he was suddenly very lightheaded. His breaths came in short pants and he realized this was the longest he’d been standing in quite some time. At least without doing therapy or some sort of exercise to help his muscles adjust. His leg ached and his arm felt numb.

“I am fine.”

“You are pigheaded,” his rival shot back, concern buttoned up in a thick armor of displeasure. He shoved the remaining bits of his own dinner under the Leaf nin’s nose and then turned back to the stove. Lee eyed him and the food warily before his stomach growled again and he decided there was no way a fantasy could poison him.

The chicken gizzard was good and well seasoned, and Rock Lee wondered when Gaara of the Desert had learned how to cook as the shorter man bustled about the kitchen finishing what Lee had started. He was as coldly efficient with his cooking as he was with his fighting, eyes narrowed and focused as he moved spices and veggies about effortlessly with his sand. He checked the heat of pans with his hands, the sizzling sound that followed letting his husband know sand protected him from true harm. In a relatively short amount of time he was finished and traded Lee for his empty plate.

The rice was perfectly fluffed and the curry the type of dry spicy that burned the back of his throat and made his eyes water. It was perfect. The genin wolfed it down as thankful as he was suspicious of Gaara’s cooking skills. The two kept a stony eye contact the entire time he ate. When the plate was empty and he no longer felt shaky and weak, Lee handed the dish back huffily.

He grumbled, “Thank you, it was delicious.”

The dry huff Gaara let out was not a laugh, but something very similar, and he turned his back to begin cleaning up the mess he hadn’t made. “You can never set your manners down even when you’re annoyed with me.’

“Am I annoyed with you often?”

It was the first true inquiry Lee had ever made about their married life and he noted how the Sand shinobi’s shoulders stiffened for a single moment before he shrugged. “Not usually.”

Very hard to believe. “How long have we lived here?”

“Me, my whole life. You moved in right before the wedding. Before that you had your own residence in the village.”

The black haired youth found this to be an interesting fabrication, but figured if he were ever to fall in love with a person from a far away land he may move to be closer to them. The thought that he had relocated to be closer to Gaara still made very little sense to him, but he merely hummed his understanding and searched his mind for more questions. 

“We live alone?”

“Kankuro stays here sometimes between missions, but he prefers the barracks.”

“Why?” A sharp set of eyes caught him over Gaara’s shoulder and he gulped. “Oh.”

Another insane idea.  That he, Rock Lee, genin of Konohagakure, Handsome Devil of the Hidden Leaf Village, would share intimate moments with Gaara of the Sand was just mortifying. The thought that he would share his first kiss and so many other vulnerable firsts with the man in front of him was very off putting and made his skin crawl a bit. Luckily there was no sand covering him. It was not that Gaara was unattractive, the Leaf nin admitted to himself shamefully, face growing hot there in the kitchen. It was just there was too much history between them. Too much blood and too many broken bones. And for as much as his team seemed to think he owed a debt of gratitude to the Sand ninja, Lee could simply not see that turning into a romantic or sexual fondness. Ever. 

“What are you blushing about?” Rock Lee nearly fell out of the dining chair as he waved his arms wide in surprise. Gaara dodged the sloppy fists easily and ownly frowned as the other man dropped his eyes away. “Do you feel sick?”

“I am perfectly fine, thank you,” the taijutsu specialist grumbled, embarrassed at his own mind’s wonderings. Gaara did not retreat. Lee scratched at his temple. “It’s just...we are married?”

“Yes.”

“We have kissed?”

The Kazekage seemed to catch on to the mood and blinked. “Several times.”

“And done...more?”

“Only with each other.” Lee’s whole body seized as another false memory pushed into his head. Two pale bodies wound together delicately in a symphony of gasps and whispers. He stood abruptly, entire form aflame. Gaara eyed him closely. “Do you remember?”

“Leave me alone please,” he grit out before fleeing the room, stumbling as he went since all his blood seemed to have suddenly rushed south. He tripped through the entryway and up the stairs, only realizing at the top he had no idea which room was his. He spun on the spot, panting and fanning himself as he tried to wake up, wake up, wake up.

This wasn’t real, it couldn’t be. He was asleep in his hospital bed in Konoha, Neji was watching over him. Tenten was still young and brash and Gai Sensei had no plans of ever retiring, not even with Kakashi. These hyper realistic dreams were merely that. Not reality, not visions of a future where he had relocated to Shunagakure to be with the boy who crippled him. This wasn’t the path he was going to walk in life. No, no, this wasn’t real. If it was that meant that Gaara was real, no matter what title he took on. Lee refused to accept that as a possibility.

“Wake up,” he whispered to himself, squatting in the hallway unsure of which door to walk through, “Wake up, wake up.”

A tiny voice that sounded suspiciously like Gaara during the exams permeated his brain. It whispered that this was real and everything else was the dream. He was only recalling his time in the hospital, but he had lost everything else. This was real and he couldn’t escape, the voice said. He would never escape. Lee squeezed his eyes shut and tried to will himself awake. Tried to wrench the gates open. Nothing happened. 

“Lee.”

That voice.

“Do not touch me please.”

“I won’t,” Gaara intoned, ignoring the wet quality of the Leaf nin’s request. He was standing just behind Lee, staring down at him with his head cocked at an unnatural angle. “Let me take you to your room.”

“I-I couldn’t find it,” the taijutsu specialist explained, standing shakily, damp eyes still closed. “I couldn’t remember.”

“It’s alright,” whispered that voice. Lee shivered. “It’s alright now, you’re home.”

The room Gaara led him to was spacious and once again reflected the presence of the both of them within. There was a mini weight training set up in the far corner next to a wardrobe full of green jumpsuits. Opposite that, a small writing desk where the redhead’s ceremonial hat lay, dusty and forgotten. The bed was neatly made with the straight corners Lee always liked and he blinked confusedly at it still being made despite him not sleeping there in some time. He glanced at his husband.

“Where do you sleep?”

“I don’t.”

The statement was as confusing as every other bit of new information he had received since waking in this nightmare and the Leaf nin merely shrugged it off, turning to Gaara to request a moment alone when a large object behind the door caught his eyes. His blood ran cold and his vision narrowed down into tiny pinpricks as he began breathing rapidly, hands shaking where they started to raise into fists.

“Lee?”

“Get that thing out of here,” he growled, backing away as Gaara seemed to notice his gourd for the first time. It was propped against the wall, casual and unimposing in its stillness, but Lee could suddenly feel phantom granules sliding up his arm and leg. His heart raced. “Has it been here this entire time?”

“Well, yes, I don’t carry it into civilian areas anymore,” the Sand shinobi explained, hoisting the grotesque thing onto his narrow back casually. “It scares the people.”

“I do not want it in here!”

“Lee, calm yourself-”

“Get it away from me!” His volume seemed to upset the restless sand because suddenly it could be heard churning in the gourd, thrashing against it’s confinement as Gaara frowned at the Leaf nin. “Take it away!”

“Lee, I’ve always kept it in here-”

“NOW!”

A violent surge of chakra rolled through his body and cracked the sandstone around his feet, making the building tremble. In his terror Lee had managed to force open the first gate and he got to watch in sick satisfaction as Gaara’s eyes widened in confused horror and he took a step back. Energy was quickly fading from the other man and the Kazekage seemed to realize this as he backed out into the hallway, eyes narrowed.

“You need to rest and then we  _ will  _ talk.” It was not the allowing and calm facade he had been using thus far with Lee. It was an order. The exhausted shinobi only managed to keep up his defensive stance until the redhead was out of site and then he quickly staggered over to the bed and collapsed into it.

* * *

It was as if he fell through Gaara’s mattress and was thrown out onto his own. Lee sat up with a gasp, and realized immediately Neji had a death grip on his shoulders. The older boy's eyes were narrowed at his teammate and he was using the byakugan to scan him carefully. When the taijutsu specialist’s breathing calmed and he came back to himself, he poked the Hyuga’s wrist. A sign he was tapping out.

“Lee, what the hell?” he asked gruffly, all but tossing the other boy back into bed. “You were tossing around in your sleep and then you opened a gate. The whole hospital felt it."

“It was just a dream,” he breathed back, relief flooding him. He reached a hand up to his face. His nose was bleeding.

“Some dream,” Neji scoffed, irritation painted all over his face. “You keep complaining about nightmares and now this? You need to tell your doctors, or talk to Gai Sensei before you hurt someone, you freak.”

And he did.

As soon as his master arrived for the day, bringing protein balls to celebrate Lee no longer needing his crutch, the young boy asked Maito Gai if they could please talk in private. Neji pulled Tenten away to some unknown place, whispering in her ear as they went. Lee explained everything from the first dream to the last to Gai; how real everything felt, how there details about him and others that could not possibly be fabricated, how the reality of the fantasy kept shifting to suit him, and how he could not wake himself up no matter how hard he tried. The leader of Team Gai listened concernedly and rubbed his chin when Lee finished.

“You do not seem overly concerned about it now,” he observed, not accusatory in any way. His star pupil shrugged, eyes black rimmed and arms heavy.

“I was able to open a gate last night,” he mused, “To defend myself.”

This had been the detail that seemed to concern his master the most. During his panic and fear at seeing Gaara of the Desert’s gourd, Lee had managed to yank open a gate not only in his dream, but in real life. Neji could attest to the fact his chakra had flared and grown as he called upon the Gate of Opening to protect himself. That had not been a dream.

“My respected recruit,” Gai murmured seriously, pulling Lee in by the back of his neck, “The Eight Inner Gates are there to limit our destructive power and must only be opened in extreme peril. To open them while you sleep is very rare and very dangerous. If you do not learn to control yourself, you could easily hurt someone.”

“But the dreams feel so real, sensei,” Lee explained, hot tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. He had been well and truly scared upon seeing the sand gourd and had felt a sincere need to protect himself even knowing it was a dream. “And I cannot change anything about them no matter how hard I try. Is there a way to control one’s dreams?”

“Lucid dreaming, only I do not know how to do it.”

Lee’s head, leg, and arm ached. 

When it came time for physical therapy, no one accompanied him and Iyashi took one look at his bedraggled form and sent him away with strict orders he needed to rest. The idea of falling back into bed both called to and repulsed the taijutsu specialist as he staggered back to his room, mind and body exhausted as when he had woken up. There were so many things to consider about what he was going through but he simply did not have the energy. He flopped back into bed and let sleep take him.

* * *

He woke up in the same position he had fallen asleep in; on top of the covers and half slouched off the Kazekage’s bed. His mouth was dry and his head was fuzzy which was probably why he did not immediately fly off the mattress when a painted face pushed its way into his line of site. The puppet master had a confused and maybe worried frown on his face as Lee glared at him before pushing himself up with a groan. Did this even count as sleep? 

"Hey, champ, you nodded off for a bit there,” the larger man joked, standing back with his hands behind his head. He was missing his usual eared hat and the paint on his face was smudged and old. “You feeling alright?"

"I am fine,” the younger man rasped, recalling his visitor’s name from a distant memory. “Thank you, Kankuro."

"Cool. Gaara already headed to the office. Let's grab some water and get after him."

Lee huffed, blinking around the room. The gourd was gone, thank the First. It had been high noon when he passed out and seemed still to be around high noon now. He had been gone nearly all day and yet returned to the same spot. It was odd. He shuffled out of bed groggily, accepting the robes and coverings Kankuro offered in a hazy stupor before following him out of the house. It was still unbearably hot outside.


	6. exulansis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EXULANSIS (noun) - the tendency to give up talking about an experience because others cannot relate to it

One moment Rock Lee was standing outside the Kazekage’s house, hot Suna sun burning into his back, and the next he was right in front of a wide set of office doors. Time passed strangely in this dreamscape and he glanced at Kankuro beside him who looked unphased at their sudden transport. The Leaf nin certainly _felt_ like he had walked through the blistering heat, even his hair was hot to the touch, but he had no recollection of traveling here. He blinked at the puppet master confusedly.

“Well, don’t just stand there looking like a turtle,” he grumbled snidely, aiming a sharp elbow into Lee’s side. “Lets go, the meeting already started.”

Beyond the double doors was a long room that centered around a narrow, official looking table. As the taijutsu specialist and his escort entered, a large group of elder Sand shinobi turned to face them, Gaara at their head. They were each dressed in the pale dust colors of the desert and had protective wear around their heads. Lee noted quietly he should look in to such attire as he made to take up a post near the entrance, arms folding behind his back in an at-ease pose. There was a scoff beside him and then Kankuro nudged him forward roughly. Lee stumbled and glared at the older man, but he only nodded his painted face towards Gaara. The genin glanced over and noted a vacant seat beside the Kazekage, not as large as the beast of Suna’s but more detailed than others in the room. He glanced back at the puppeteer who gave him a ‘hurry up’ gesture and deduced that must be his seat.

It was very awkward, making his way up the meeting room. He had only ever stood within his own Kage’s office to receive orders or deliver a message; he was not even sure where Lady Tsunade met with her council. He bowed his head respectively at every wary gaze he caught and not too soon was right beside his husband. Gaara wore a still mask that withheld whatever he might be thinking and merely invited his partner to sit with a nod. Lee lowered himself into the chair and stiffened when the redhead laid an arm across his lap. His Kage robes pooled around him and draped over the Leaf shinobi’s legs as he felt a calloused hand take his beneath the table.

“As we were saying, Kazekage-sama,” a stone faced woman began from the other side of the table, narrow eyes fixed coldly on Lee. “We need to start rebuilding the strict borders we had in your youth. Our alliance with Leaf has made us seem weak and it is only a matter of time before another Hidden Village takes advantage.”

Lee balked at the audacity of a member of the council to speak so callously of his village right in front of him. He glanced at Gaara from the corner of his eye and witnessed the same blank mask, but beneath his billowing sleeves, he squeezed the other ninja’s hand. 

“Ikanago-san,” he began calmly, low voice sounding like the dry breeze over a dusty salt flat, “Our alliance with Leaf was not meant as a political move, nor as a military tactic. My sister and I both wed members of their village, our ties to them are personal and friendly.” 

The last word seemed foreign in the young man’s mouth, but Lee nodded his agreement all the same feeling somehow comforted by the bland dismissal. Even in dreams he did not care to have his beloved village slandered in such a way. Plus any alliance could only make two villages stronger, no matter why it was forged. The woman, wrinkled and sun dried with age, shifted about in her seat and frowned down the table at them, still seeming particularly focused on the taijutsu specialist.

“I am perfectly aware of who and why you married, Kazekage-sama,” she sniffed, mud brown eyes squinted as she nodded her head at the other man. “I’m glad to see you are well, Lee-san.”

A quiet murmur went through the room, but even if it had remained completely silent the genin would have noticed the way the air grew stale and electric as Gaara appeared to tense, his hand gripping tight and claw-like around Lee’s. His gourd, lent harmlessly against the side of his chair, stirred as the sand within began to bubble and hiss. Across the room, Kankuro shifted his weight from one foot to the other, glaring openly at the old crone who was annoying his baby brother.

“You will address my husband with respect,” the Kazekage seethed, crystalline eyes wide and angry, “Or not at all, Ikanago.”

Several bodies in the room readjusted in their seats and the Leaf shinobi got to watch as the woman tried and failed to maintain eye contact with her village leader. Eventually, she dropped her gaze to the table, muttering a lackluster apology that barely reached Lee’s ears. Beside him, Gaara was still locked in the throes of obvious anger and, fearing the worst, the taijutsu specialist squeezed his hand back beneath his robes. The redhead’s eyes flickered.

“Perhaps,” a rasping voice spoke up. Lee glanced over and saw a positively ancient man painfully raising himself from his seat. “We should end this meeting for today. A sandstorm is rolling in this afternoon and I’m sure the Kazekage and his honored husband would enjoy more time to recover at home.”

“Thank you, Ebizo-san, that sounds good,” the Leaf nin offered, finding the courage to speak along with the man’s name buried somewhere deep within his mind. Gaara had still not moved from his attempt to set Ikanago on fire with merely his glare and so Lee stood and bowed low to the others assembled. “Um, thank you all for coming.”

The shinobi around the table all bowed in return and began to filter out of the room slowly. Some came to Lee’s side briefly to welcome him back and wish him speedy recovery, but for the most part they all seemed rather eager to flee their Kazekage’s poor mood. Ikanago had not exited and made no move to do so as Gaara beckoned his brother over.

“Kankuro, please see Lee home,” he ordered, finally rising, robes dragging behind him as he made his way down the table, “I must speak to my council member alone.”

“You got it, bro.” The puppet master gave a lazy salute before taking Lee gently by the elbow and steering him from the room. The doors slammed shut ominously behind them and the Leaf nin noted how his escort shivered exaggeratedly beneath his baggy clothes. “Man, I do not envy that old bag.”

“Why was Gaara so upset with her?” the younger man prodded, confused as to why anyone besides himself would have been especially offended by a slight at Konohagakure. “I know he is meant to be my husband, but-”

“No buts,” his pseudo brother-in-law corrected, leading him briskly through the hallways, “You’re Gaara’s husband which means you’re higher rank than the average shinobi, she's way outta line to not address you by your proper title.”

The genin pondered for a moment what title the man could be referring to before recalling the old woman had addressed him as ‘Lee-san’. Not ‘Lee-sama’ or, even more formal, ‘Rock-sama’. It was odd to think anyone, especially someone so many years his senior, would ever address him so respectfully, but he reasoned the dream logic made sense. If he was married to the highest ranking ninja in the village then any and all citizens were technically his subordinates. It was a dizzying thought.

Outside, the wind had picked up and Lee raised the edge of his robes to protect his eyes as sand swirled up around their feet. More people were out now, but they looked as if they were rushing to go about their tasks and head back indoors. All through the streets windows were being boarded up and stalls were being tied down. The Leaf shinobi remembered what the old man had said about a sandstorm and had a wild idea intrude into his mind.

“Damn,” Kankuro cursed, arm raised to block out dust and sun as he glanced around his home worriedly, “The storm is coming in sooner than expected.”

“What should we do?” Already Lee had to raise his voice to be heard over the harsh wind. Kankuro pulled a set of goggles down from beneath his hat and raised his face mask up over his nose.

“Do you remember how to get home?” His charge nodded. “Good, head there. I need to help the villagers get ready to shelter in place.”

With a firm slap on his shoulder, the puppeteer left Lee standing in the middle of the road and rushed off to help a woman who was struggling to pull down the awning above her shop. The taijutsu specialist watched him for a moment before hurrying along on his path. He had lied of course; there was no way for him to remember how to get back to the Kazekage house because he could barely remember leaving it. He supposed if he looked around enough he may be able to recognize its exterior, but that was not what he had in mind.

Now was his chance.

He was getting out of Sunagakure and going home.

It was not especially difficult to locate the entrance to the village, the gates of Suna towered threateningly over the other structures. What was difficult was getting there quickly since every single citizen of Sand Lee passed seemed eager to rush him back indoors and ask why he was out in the approaching storm without his husband. It was awkward, shouldering the concern of all these strangers, but the Leaf nin strained to smile at each new face so as not to raise suspicion. He was a high ranking official, it was normal for him to check their walls before a storm.

“I just want to ensure the guards are ready to shelter in place,” he’d say, using Kankuro’s terminology to bow out of conversation after conversation.

When he finally reached the gates, the storm was nearly upon them and very few shinobi lined the great barrier. Wind like fire swept through the land and dust clouds obscured vision further than ten yards away. Now was the perfect time to escape into the desert and return to Leaf before anyone could notice or follow. Lee scaled the wall slowly, tossing himself over the top with a groan, not used to this much movement yet, but then he was out. He was standing beyond the village and there was no one around to stop him. He broke into a run, determined to put as much distance between him and Gaara as quickly as possible. His muscles screamed with the sudden movement, but he pushed through. He debated opening the first gate to give himself the energy he needed, but then recalled Gai’s warning that he may hurt others around his sleeping form. He would have to go it alone.

The desert seemed to claw at him, almost like it was trying to drag him back the way he’d come. Running on sand was not easy and Lee felt himself slowing every time his foot met the malleable surface of the dunes. Breathing was already difficult, the dry quality of the air stinging at his lungs, and he had no protective gear for his eyes or head. Before too long he was lost. Every direction was blurred by sand devils and Rock Lee turned aimlessly trying to get his bearings. It was just approaching evening and yet the sun had been blotted out by dust clouds and even on the horizon he could not see Sunagakure even though he knew he still had to be within visible distance of it. If not for the storm. He had to stop running. If he continued he could drive himself further into the waste land, or even right back into Sand. Lee had tried to maintain a straight shot, but the give of the sand left him tripping and stumbling as the wind pushed him around. He could not continue on, but he could also not find his way back. The young ninja glanced in every direction to see more of the same; sand. 

Lee’s eyes were stinging badly and crusted with dirt and his lips had begun to crack and bleed nearly as soon as he’d vaulted the gate. He tried to calm himself knowing there was no need to panic about dying in a sandstorm in a dream and yet the way the wind and grit tore at him felt real. The scorching blisters blooming on his feet _felt real_. The genin wanted to force the Gate of Opening, but was not even sure how that would help in this scenario. He did not know which way to go.

“Wake up,” he coughed around a mouthful of sand, folding in on himself as heat exhaustion started to set in. This was his dream, he could not control it, but it was his. Lee thought manically that if he somehow managed to die there in the desert he would merely wake up in Konoha. Shaken and maybe a bit thirsty, but alive. This was not real. “Wake up!”

Tears were getting trapped within the crusted curves of his eyelashes when he heard it. A faint echo of a voice in the distance. It was calling to him. Only vaguely familiar; an acquaintance perhaps. “Gaara?”

“Lee!”

A break in the storm. A tight circle of calm in the madness as the beast of Suna approached from seemingly straight out of the dust. The sand beat violently against an invisible barrier that encircled the Kazekage, leaving him a three foot radius on every side as he came upon Lee. The wind ceased and the Leaf shinobi fell to his side wearily as he was finally able to catch his breath. His skin was dry and cracked under his minimal coverings, his ears and nose bleeding already as Gaara squatted down beside him.

“What are you doing?” he demanded angrily, reaching out to fist a hand in the front of his husband’s robes. The taller ninja only coughed and shook his head, not even sure if he knew anymore. “I got back to the house and you were gone.”

“What the hell?!” Kankuro’s shout was drowned out in the cacophony of the storm, but his presence was a dark splat at the edge of Lee’s vision along with the team of Anbu that had accompanied him out into the waste. They were all wrapped up head to toe in gear that protected them from the worst of the storm and they had all come looking for the Leaf shinobi.

“I felt his chakra flickering,” Gaara explained, reaching down to sling an arm around the genin’s waist and haul him up. His rough, jerking motions made it clear he was very irritated with his husband. Lee allowed it, still winded and terribly dehydrated after what could have only been ten minutes tops in the storm. “Come close, I’ll take us all back to the village.”

The search party huddled in around their Kazekage and his partner. Lee did not need to be reminded to close his eyes and mouth because Gaara merely reached up and splayed his free hand over the other man's face. Then there was a tingling of sand and the heat and intensity of the storm vanished. The taijutsu specialist painfully blinked his eyes open as wide as they could go. They were back in their house.

“Ensure the villagers are safe.”

The Kazekage’s orders were brisk and dismissive and with a synchronized salute, his brother and his Anbu left the house, trailing sand and dust behind them. The redhead kept a tight arm around Lee and pulled him through the house, ignoring the way the taller man lagged and dragged, exhaustion slowing him down. When they reached a tidy little bathroom on the first floor, the Leaf shinobi’s husband deposited him none too gently on the closed toilet seat and turned towards the shower.

“You’ll need to use all your water rations for the day to wash,” he explained stonily, fiddling with the nozzles, “Any sand left behind may cause infection or Sand Rot.” 

Lee only coughed out another mouthful of dirt and smacked his lips messily around the blood congealed there. The Sand ninja shot him a heated look over his shoulder before yanking back the shower curtain. The water was running. “Get in.”

“Give me privacy, please.”

“I’ll help you bathe.”

“I do not need hel-” The taijutsu specialist did not get to finish his waspish retort because suddenly Gaara was right there. Right in front of him, nose nearly brushing Lee’s as his sand crashed up and around them looking like a sea wave frozen in time. The Kazekage was furious.

“What do you need then, hm?” he hissed acidly. “Do you need to die out in the desert like some infant before you wake up and see reason?!” His husband balked. He had not heard the shinobi lift his voice in such a way since the exams. “This is _real_ , Lee! Why can’t you accept that and stop being so difficult!”

The sand slithered back into the gourd as quickly as it had come and Gaara turned his back on Lee, arms crossed over his chest as if to keep all his soft broken bits held together. The Leaf nin noted how he trembled and quaked all over like the weight of the world rested upon his shoulders. His sand armor cracked and shifted in different places, trying to grow around his overwhelming emotions.

Lee felt...really bad.

He folded his bare hands into his lap and bowed his head shamefully. He did not feel like crying, thankfully, but a pit had grown hot and sticky in his stomach and it made him feel nauseous. He thought over these last few nights of dreaming and had to admit something quietly to himself; this version of Gaara had been nothing but kind and accommodating. While yes, initially Lee had believed he was being held captive in a genjutsu, he was sure he wasn’t anymore. This was all just a fantasy of his own invention, Gaara included. The taijutsu specialist’s mind, for whatever reason, had breathed life into this statue and gave him a mind and a heart that seemed to center around Lee. It was a silly, sad wish that lurked in the darkest corners of his heart and the Leaf nin had been fervently rejecting it for days. There was no way Gaara, the dream, could make up for what Gaara, the boy, had done, but he was also not responsible for any of it. Because he wasn’t real. He was a piece of Lee’s self conscious, just another part of the genin’s own mind. Why was he fighting himself?

The taller man stood, hands still folded before him like a chastised child. He bowed his head, sand falling out and dirtying the bathroom floor just as the shower shut off. He had wasted his water for the day. “I am sorry, Kazekage-sama,” he apologized sincerely, feeling foolish as the Sand shinobi shot him a suspicious glare. “I was...wrong to treat you the way I have been.”

“No,” the younger man sighed through his teeth, a crease forming on his brow as he seemed to struggle with the idea of not being angry. “You’re recovering, I should not have been so harsh.”

Lee blinked at him warily, but nodded. Illusion or not, this was all a lot to adjust to and while he needed to carry himself with the dignity of a proud shinobi of Leaf, it would be nice if all the characters in this little facade would take it a bit easier on him. The constant changing of facts and push to remember fake memories was a tad exhausting. 

“I do not remember the life you do,” Lee mused after a beat, eyes focused on the other man’s ear rather than his eyes. Gaara still unsettled him a bit. “But I will do better to...”

The statement was left unfinished just like so many other things, but the redhead nodded understandingly. He stepped away from the other man, looking like he meant to retreat as he mumbled something about Lee being able to use his water to wash. Before he could escape through the door a large hand touched his elbow and he looked back at his husband in surprise. 

“Thank you, Gaara.” Lee slid his hand down to grip at the Sand nin’s fingers and got to feel the odd sensation of his dream gripping back. 

“Of course, Lee.”

* * *

"How'd you sleep?" Tenten asked him in the morning, the check-ins from his teammates becoming a daily ritual just like breakfast and therapy. Lee glanced up from his rice pudding and nodded.

"Well."

"Are you sure? You were tossing around a lot."

"Did I wake you?"

"Only for a minute and only because I fell asleep on your foot,” the kunoichi shrugged. She seemed more concerned for him than irritated. "Does that mean the bad dreams are back?"

The taijutsu specialist considered carefully what he would consider a ‘bad dream’ these days and then shook his head. “I was rescued from the scary parts."

"That’s good then.”

* * *

Gaara’s older brother stayed with them an entire week, seeming to bask in the chance to annoy his younger sibling. “It’s been so boring ever since Temari moved away. It’s hard to get a rise out of the little cactus.”

“Do not call me that.”

"It is wonderful that you can stay with us," Lee assured, sticking to his self-rule to be nicer to his dream residents from now on. Much like in the real world, he was regaining his strength steadily and enjoyed the puppet master taking him on walks through the village so he could get reacquainted with Sand. Gaara came when he could, but often had Kage responsibilities to tend to that Lee was not yet ready to tackle. Even asleep, the idea of leading was daunting. The Leaf nin knew this wasn't real, and yet he still found himself intimidated and impressed by his husband’s role to the people.

Kankuro talked ninja skills with him whenever he wanted and even expressed interest in learning taijutsu when Lee was fully recovered. The genin also learned a great deal about puppetry and visited the Sand shinobi’s workshop and observed him applying his face paint. They bickered occasionally about how often they should intrude on Gaara, Lee believing it should be as little as possible and his escort feeling it should be the exact opposite. Still, the older man was good company and Lee found himself wondering how close this Kankuro’s personality was to the real teen’s. 

Dream Gai Sensei made more appearances as well, he and Kakashi stopping by randomly until they decided it was time they made their way back to Konohagakure. The two men were similar to their real-life counterparts in many ways, but Lee noticed a softness and pleasure in their faces that he had never seen before. Perhaps it was their union; the genin had always hoped his master may one day find a fine ninja to share with him the passionate springtime of love and in this world he had. The taijutsu specialist got used to seeing his senseis hold hands and lean into each other and poke good naturedly at Gaara over dinner. It was a joy having them there.

"Try not to wind up in the hospital again, kiddo,” was Kakashi’s farewell and Lee could hear Gaara’s sand shift uncomfortably behind him. He swore to be more careful.

“And do not forget to practice the exercises I showed you!” Gai reminded, large pack on his back and ready to travel. Gaara ensured he would make sure Lee practiced, but not over do it. 

And then they were gone.

* * *

Rock Lee stopped talking about his dreams during his waking hours. When asked, the genin merely said he had slept well. Tenten believed him and Neji didn’t care. Gai Sensei, however, was worried, his student could tell. The older man never pried though, leaving his pupil to the privacy of his musings most of the day. Lee worked diligently to keep his two lives separate, focusing on his physical therapy in the real world and keeping in mind all the notes on his recovery he received while asleep. 

This caused some issues.

"What are you doing?"

"A leg swing?"

"I can see that," Iyashi nodded, circling around to observe Lee where he had frozen mid swing, wounded leg hovering almost perfectly perpendicular to his body. “But at this stage you shouldn’t be able to lift your leg that high. The abductor muscles should be too tight from disuse.”

“Oh,” the boy murmured, lowering his leg slowly to an angle that seemed more acceptable. He smiled shakily at the medical ninja. “I suppose that did hurt a bit!”

Lee berated himself internally as Iyashi had him move on into another stretch. He would have to be more careful about rushing his therapy just because he was getting two sessions a day; one while awake, one while asleep. Out of the corner of his dark eyes he noticed his sensei slipping out of the room.

* * *

Gaara surprised him with a trip back to the greenhouse. During Kankuro’s stay he had bragged proudly about his little brother single handedly saving Suna’s agriculture by suggesting they build and cultivate greenhouses to grow and store more food for use and trade. Lee had recalled the sea of greenery he had visited with Gai and Kakashi and been excited to go all over again. Gaara agreed one random day during his lunch hour and transported them to right beside the koi pond. 

"What sort of plants do you grow here?"

"Mostly useful desert flora,” the redhead mused quietly, walking over to a rack with hats and aprons on it. “Aloe for burns, turpentine broom for medicine. Things like that.”

He handed Lee a hat and apron and the Leaf nin delighted in dawning the odd outfit. He had grown slowly used to his pseudo Kage robes and now even had a hood to protect him from the sun. The greenhouse was cool, but light still filtered in and stung his eyes so the wide brimmed hat was a blessing. The two traversed the rows of plants quietly, Gaara pointing out and reciting the names and uses for each at Lee’s request. Their Anbu detail milled about at the edges of the plantlife, taking a break almost as no one could realistically sneak up on them in a house made of glass.

“What sparked your interest in plants?” Gaara gave him a puzzled look that let Lee know this had probably been something he already knew _before_ , but he merely shrugged in return. He did not know the answer to his own question and was very interested to hear it. The Kazekage humored him.

“I liked the idea of helping something grow rather than destroying it,” he explained lowly, moving his hands in idle shapes and patterns that made sand dance around their feet. Lee ignored it, still uneasy, but not heart-stoppingly terrified as he had once been. “Nurturing something from a tiny seed to a blooming tree or flower appealed to me greatly.”

“And it’s good for Sunagakure!” the taller man added, having seen the way people were involved with caring for the plants and also benefited from their existences. “You have used your passions to better the life of your people! A noble endeavor!”

The shorter man only nodded, eyes trained on the Leaf nin’s face in a way that made him blush and look away, once more intrigued by the plantlife. He pointed out a small succulent of dusty green with purple edges.

“What can those be used for?”

“Nothing,” Gaara admitted, “I just like them.

The Kazekage potted the succulent carefully and gave it to Lee who cradled it in his arms like a precious child, profusely thankful for the chance to cultivate something of his own. Not long after they returned to their house which was quiet and lonely without Kankuro, Gai, and Kakashi, but not empty. They hung their robes by the door, Lee shaking stray sand from his hair like a wet dog as they made their way upstairs. Gaara dropped him off at the bedroom door like he usually did, wishing him goodnight. He would go now and wander the house, or the village, or the desert in an attempt to keep Shukaku at bay and Lee would not see him until he dreamed again. He touched the younger man’s shoulder then, before he allowed himself to think, he bent down and kissed him right on the corner of his mouth. Gaara’s lips tasted like week after week of lonely vigils at a hospital bedside, fear of being all alone again, and the gnawing grief he felt day after day as Lee continued to not truly remember him

The taijutsu specialist pulled away, floored that a dream could express so much longing, and bowed low at the waist. "Good night," he said, and went into the room alone.

* * *

Lady Tsunade was a very brash and scary woman, but she had the gentle touch of a medical ninja with decades of experience. She ran her hands along Lee’s spine carefully, humming to herself and muttering points of note to Shizune beside her. The genin waited silently for her to finish her exam, petting idly at Tonton’s fuzzy belly. The pig was sleeping sprawled across his lap.

“You’re healing up nicely,” the fifth Hokage declared, sounding proud of herself as she motioned for the young man to pull his jumpsuit back up. “How’s physical therapy going?”

“Very well, Lady Tsunade,” Lee assured, bowing his head for the hundredth time since she’d slammed into his room that morning. “Iyashi is an excellent healer.”

“Don’t stroke his ego, he doesn’t need it,” she grumbled out the side of her mouth before snatching her chart from Shizune to flip back to previous notes on her patient. “Says here you're progressing faster than we had even predicted. Good.”

Lee beamed. “Nothing is impossible with a determined heart and a clear mind, Lady Tsunade! I swore I would be a ninja again and I will not disappoint you, or myself!”

The blonde chuckled, golden eyes holding back plenty as she picked up her chubby pig from the boy’s lap. “I’m very impressed, Lee. Now, about these dreams Gai Sensei told me about?”

Air rushed out of the taijutsu specialists lungs so quickly he could have sworn the old woman had punched him square in the chest. “D-Dreams, Hokage-sama?”

“Yes, your mentor says you complained about nightmares and even ripped open a gate while asleep not long ago.” Her eyes narrowed carefully. Behind her, Shizune looked like she too was very interested in what the boy had to say. “Something we should be looking into?”

The Leaf nin shook his head minutely, but straightened as he tried to explain himself. He hated being dishonest and thought it would be a great shame to lie to his Hokage outright. “I was having nightmares about Gaara of the Desert for some time, but they have stopped. I was worried they may be visions of the future because they felt so real. That is why I opened the Gate of Opening, to defend myself.”

Tsunade hummed thoughtfully, eyes still holding Lee frozen in her gaze as she digested his words. Half truths, honestly, the dreams had not _stopped_ they had just stopped being nightmares. The busty woman blinked and then sighed as if very put out, a sharp nailed hand cutting through the air. “That little brat hasn’t shown his face anywhere near our borders since the old man died,” she grumbled. “Likely still licking his wounds in Suna. And no Sand shinobi has ever shown any sort of skill with genjutsu so you have nothing to worry about.”

Lee nodded, having already accepted some time ago that the version of Gaara he dreamed of was not the real thing. That the real Gaara was off somewhere probably hating the entirety of Leaf and growing more powerful by the day. It made the Leaf ninja shiver to think what a boy already so skilled in his area of jutsu could do if his rage continued unchecked and unfocused. He kept these thoughts to himself as Tsunade gave him instructions to stick with therapy and not forget his medicine and so on and so on. She was just about ready to leave when a jonin suddenly appeared right there in Lee’s room. The young man startled but Tsunade and Shizune looked as if they had been expecting this visit all day.

“Shibi-san!” the assistant greeted hopefully, “Any word from our detail in the Land of Wind?”

Shibi Aburame bowed lowly, eyes hidden behind a pair of darkly shaded glasses. “Shizune-san, Hokage-sama, I’m afraid there is still no word from the team sent to scout Wind.”

“Where the hell could they have gone?!” Tsunade grouched, tone growing dark and serious very quickly. Tonton woke and jumped from her arms with a whine to cuddle into Lee. “It’s been nearly a month!”

Lee listened to the three adults discuss lowly where the ninjas could have gone before clearing his throat embarrassedly. When all eyes were on him, he stood and faced his Hokage, bowed low with her pig hugged to his chest. “Lady Tsunade, excuse my interruption, but the Land of Wind experiences very devastating sandstorms and I believe one has passed recently. It is possible the team is lost or…” He swallowed, remembering the way sand and wind had clawed viciously at him out there. “Or dead.”

There was silence throughout the room and then Tsunade turned back to the Aburame with a sour expression. “Send out another team, a recovery group, to travel the same route. Tell me what they find.”

“Yes, Lady Fifth.”

The jonin vanished.

Then it was just Lee, his Kage, and her assistant.

Tsunade clucked her tongue thoughtfully. “Are you sure there’s nothing else I should know about these...dreams, Lee?”

A cold sweat had begun to break out all over the genin’s body where he still bowed there, but he shrugged as politely as he could. “No, ma’am. Nothing.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, your comments are GREAT but no one's guessed what's up yet!!  
> I hope that mean's the story is interesting and unpredictable and not confusing and unrealistic


	7. monachopsis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MONACHOPSIS (noun) - the subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place

A week after he kissed Gaara, Tenten made a teasing comment about how Rock Lee always woke up smiling these days. Another week after that the taijutsu specialist stood stiffly before his Hokage, arms folded behind his back and head dipped respectfully. Gai Sensei was also there, stationed near the door and Kakashi leant nearby as well, very interested in the proceedings. The three older ninja’s all had hard sets to their mouths and eyes. Lady Tsunade fixed Lee with a cool, penetrating stare and the genin tried in vain to sink into the floor beneath his feet. 

"Have you traveled to the Land of Wind before?" the Hokage asked, briskly getting to the point.

"No, Lady Tsunade."

"But you knew a sandstorm had passed through there and buried our scouting team."

"Yes, Lady Tsunade."

The blonde turned to the boy’s master. "You said you've been concerned about him.” Lee’s head picked up at this, a bit hurt and confused his beloved sensei would discuss him behind closed doors. The older man gave him a placating look and he lowered his gaze again. “Care to share?"

"Lee has been suffering from hyper realistic nightmares since his surgery. Yet his recovery is not hindered, if anything he is improving beyond what was expected. I can see him holding back in therapy, feigning difficulty where there is none and it is not like him.” The taijutsu master’s tone was concerned and his student comforted himself knowing he was not being dressed down. His superiors were worried about him.

"Lady Tsunade,” Lee bowed before speaking, “I saw the sandstorm in a dream, but I could not be positive one had really occurred.”

"Prophetic visions?" Tsunade asked, but not to Lee. Kakashi shrugged.

"Maybe. Lee, you said you were sure you weren't seeing the future. You were adamant."

"I am sure, Kakashi Sensei." A dull pain throbbed whenever Lee thought about his dream version of Gaara. That young man did not exist, instead merely wearing a mask of a vicious enemy across the desert. Still, he did not want to place his shameful fantasies on display. “In the dream I am a citizen of Sand and such transfers are forbidden. That is how I know it is not the future.”

The three adults all shared perplexed glances.

"A genjutsu?" Tsunade asked, a sharp worry coloring her tone. “A trick by Gaara to attack Lee while he’s vulnerable?

The Copy Ninja shook his head. “I observed Gaara during the exams, the kid has no skill for genjutsu. He barely knows any attacks that aren’t directly related to sand.”

"It is just a dream," Lee said. "I dreamed of Gaara and of Gai Sensei and others. I nearly died in a sandstorm. They do not mean anything."

"That's not true." Tsunade studied him. "You're also seeing things you can't possibly know. There is an element of prophecy involved. I don't know how to help you, Lee, but I want to know what you're not telling us. You said you were having nightmares, bad enough to ask Maito Gai how to control your own dreams. What have you been seeing?"

The Leaf nin squirmed uncomfortably, feeling the hot guilt eating at his belly. "Nothing of consequence, my lady," the words pulled out of him slowly. "It is the same dream every night, but it goes on. I was in the hospital, then I came home. I have recovered in Sand and often do physical therapy with the shinobi there."

"That doesn't sound like a nightmare." Kakashi remained gentle; he could see how uncomfortable Lee was.

"I was scared the first few nights, but now I am used to it."

"Every night?" Tsunade asked. Lee nodded. "And you're seeing the goings on of Sand?"

"And learning to care for succulents," the genin muttered. Dream Gaara was an excellent teacher. Patient and always driving Lee to improve for the sake of the plant. He also came along to therapy and often extended the training with forms taught to Sand genin.

"We will need to start focusing on mental exercises to protect your mind,” Maito Gai observed, “With your lack of chakra you are at risk to be taken in by mind tricks.” The three older ninjas all looked towards the door and someone knocked a moment later. Likely Shizune.

"Right," said the Hokage, standing. "Our village is still recovering from the attack following the exams, we cannot afford even one of our genin to be compromised. Kakashi, I know you already have the Uchiha to keep an eye on. Gai, I leave Lee to you.” 

Leaf’s Noble Green Beast bowed lowly and then stepped forward to clamp a hand down on Lee’s shoulder. The boy shivered. “Yes, Hokage-sama!"

“Dismissed.”

* * *

"You're looking better!" Tenten enthused, dropping her travel pack and throwing herself into Lee’s arms. Neji followed her far more calmly into the Kazekage’s house, carrying far more of their essentials on his back. 

"I'll drop these in one of the guest rooms," he grumbled. He made a direct line for the staircase; clearly they'd been here before.

Tenten tapped Lee’s shoulder, requesting to be lowered back to the ground, and beamed at him sunnily as she held him at arm’s length. “How are you feeling?” 

"Much better,” her teammates assured, touching her cheek lightly as he had never been allowed to do in real life. It still stunned him, how womanly the weapon’s specialist looked in this illusion. Her earrings tinkled as she tilted her head at him. It was like light glowed through her very skin, drawing the taijutsu specialist to her even more than he already was when he was awake. 

Neji came back from the second floor and shook Lee’s hand firmly. "Have you regained your memories?" 

"No, I am simply relearning everything, but it is fine. How have you been, my precious friends?” 

Tenten launched into a recounting of their travels to Iwagakure and all the new weapons she had been able to study. She was considering very seriously starting up a program in Mist after speaking with Kakashi about his time there, but also Wanted to try running her own weapons shop. Neji commented here and there about interesting things they had come across, and expressed support for his wife with both ideas, but insisted it was ultimately up to her. The two of them bickered lovingly and Lee felt the tug he had felt towards Tenten fading with a dull ache.

“Either way,” the kunoichi wrapped up finally, some time later, “All the options of civilian life are refreshing. Growing up hearing orders all the time got kind of old.”

“Speaking of,” Neji noted, the three of them all sprawled over plush pillows of green in the study, “When are you going to start reporting for missions again? And the academy students must miss their teacher.”

"I still do genin work?” Lee asked in interest, not having really considered what his normal day here would look like if he was also helping Gaara run the village. His friends snickered lowly, but shrugged.

“Jonin work, but yes, sometimes.”

The taijutsu specialist reeled a bit that he had apparently made jonin sometime in the last seven years, but shrugged. “I suppose whenever Ameno clears me for duty and Gaara agrees to let me take missions again.”

“So never,” Tenten stage whispered to her husband. They all three chuckled and Lee felt warm and safe here. “When will the Kazekage be back anyway?”

"Tomorrow. He is accompanying his brother on a scouting mission to Sound." It was true, the redhead had been gone for some time now and Rock Lee found the wait for him to return lonely and tedious. He no longer wanted to attempt to reach Leaf alone, part of him worried his new fear of sandstorms would conjure one, and the council was caring for the village in his husband’s absence. All he really had to do all day was train and get to know the villagers. “When you have unpacked, would you like to visit the shops with me?”

* * *

Rock Lee threw himself wholeheartedly into the training and exercise Gai Sensei set him to. With Tsunade’s blessing and a regular dose of medicine, he no longer needed to attend physical therapy with Iyashi, but he was still not ready to return to his life before the exams fully. Mostly, his mind needed to become stronger. As he trained with his master, he would find his body slipping into forms from Sand or his mind wandering to what Gaara was up to.

"You have to focus on the present," Gai told him, firmly yet understandingly. "You won't be able to build defenses against attacks if you continue to leave yourself open in body and mind."

"My apologies, sensei! If I slip once more during today's lesson I will do five hundred push ups! And if I cannot complete them I will do one thousand sit ups!”

"Have you seen anything else you'd like to share?"

"My succulent is growing strong and healthy."

At dinner that night, Lee sat beside Gai as Tenten and Neji talked about their day. The two of them had returned to their regular, rigorous training, and spoke with confidence about reattempting the chunin exams year after next. The weapon’s specialist grinned at Lee warmly, though not as warmly as she did in his dreams. “You’ll be ready by then too, Lee, you’re almost fully recovered.” 

Lee smiled to see them, thinking about his dream last night. They hadn't been much different from how they were now: gentle teasing and easy camaraderie. Tenten liked to place a friendly hand on shoulders and knees and Neji liked to hover just on the edge of her reach. No wonder his brain had paired them.

"What's that smile?" Neji asked, eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Nothing, Neji."

"Are you still having those weird dreams?” their female teammate pressed, looking concerned. From the other side of the table, Gai glanced up from his miso and shot Lee a meaningful look.

"I am fine," he reassured her, "They are not scary anymore."

"What was scary about them in the first place?"

Lee shrugged embarrassedly, realizing Neji had probably never had a bad dream in his entire life. He was too brave. "Nothing important."

"Leave Lee be,” Gai ordered, “He was dreaming of his injury.”

Tenten grimaced visibly and slid her arm across the table to tap the taijutsu specialist’s hand with slender fingers. "Sorry, forget I asked."

"No, it is fine,” the boy ensured, sighing low down in his chest. This was going to be pried out of him eventually so he may as well say it in front of his friends so Gai Sesnei could not interrogate him too severely. "That was not the nightmare. I was married."

Tenten's hand snaked away. "That was a nightmare?"

Neji fixed him with a flat stare, his mouth trying not to smirk. He clearly thought it was sad and laughable his freakish teammate would even dare to dream that someone would marry him. "To who?" 

A hot flush spread all over Lee’s body and Maito Gai dropped his chopsticks in shock. The two other genin simply blinked in confused interest.

"I don't get it," Tenten said, as Gai stood, frowning down at his student grimly.

“Lee,” he said, "You didn't mention this."

"I was ashamed, sensei."

Gai moved to leave the cafeteria, thick eyebrows furrowed in thought. “For now we should keep this from Lady Tsunade, she would only grow suspicious of your loyalties.”

The taijutsu specialist felt as if he had swallowed a hundred bitter protein balls and only felt the sickly feeling growing as Tenten and Neji seemed to finally catch on to what was being discussed. They both looked at him with varying expressions of surprise and skepticism. 

“That’s...really weird, Lee,” Tenten murmured, turning back to her meal with a pinched face. Neji only scowled at him

"I told you, it was a nightmare," the genin defended, his appetite now vanished along with his master. He shouldn't have said anything.

"Sure," the kunoichi bristled, looking like she also had no intention of continuing to eat as she pushed away from the table, "But I told _you_ that you always wake up with a smile."

* * *

"I thought I'd find you here,"Gaara greeted lowly just as their drinks were served. Rock Lee was out to dinner with his teammates at a small ramen stall in Suna that Kankuro had shown him. The redhead took a seat next to Lee, placing his hand on the small of his back. He didn't kiss him, and hadn't since the night they visited the greenhouse. The taller man allowed the touches, no different from when Gaara was guiding him into a new position for training.

"You're back early."

"Kankuro always loves to rush. Good to see you," he said, nodding to Lee's friends.

"Kazekage-sama," Tenten greeted amiably, bowing her head the smallest bit. "How was the trip?"

"Fast. We gathered much information about Sound."

They all chatted lowly about what they had been up to; things they had done, places they had been and it was all chillingly normal. Gaara kept his hand on Lee’s back and Neji gripped lightly at Tenten’s knee. They were just two couples, catching up as old friends did and nothing about it seemed even remotely like a nightmare any longer. A bottle of sake was brought to the table and the Kazekage poured a small glass for his husband. The taijutsu specialist’s thick eyebrows furrowed as he gently pushed the cup away.

“Gaara, I do not drink alcohol,” he explained confusedly, wondering how his fantasy would not know this. The others at the table swiveled their heads in his direction. “I have a bad reaction.”

The redhead stared at him unblinkingly for a bit before he seemed to reanimate and set the glass down before himself. “Oh,” he said raspily, “I knew that.”

* * *

Shizune was hovering around today. Rock Lee suspected she was acting under orders from Lady Tsunade. It hurt his pride to know his Hokage thought he needed a tail, but he reasoned he may do the same thing if he were caring for an entire village. In reality at least.

"We really don't need any help, Shizune," Gai announced casually. The medical ninja blanched at having been spotted, Tonton whining lowly in her arms as she backed away from the corner she had been lurking around. "Why don't you go see if Tsunade needs help?"

"That was ungentlemanly, sensei," Lee chastised when the woman had wandered back to her mistress. The older man only hummed, readjusting his students' position as they prepared to meditate to calm the boy’s mind.

"Lady Fifth will find something else for her to do I’m sure. Interrupting your lessons will not get Tsunade the information she wants."

The older man had been...off since their dinner where Lee explained the reason for his initial discomfort with his dreams. There was a tightness around his eyes and mouth that made Lee feel small and shameful whenever they spoke, and he could not feel the invigorating rush of youth flowing through him during their daily training sessions. Instead a tightness grew in his stomach, more uncomfortable with each passing day even as his body grew stronger and more nimble. It was clear Gai was very concerned for him, but did not know how to get him to open up. This was an unheard of dynamic between student and teacher; Rock Lee always confided in Gai Sensei. However, the genin could just not bring himself to speak about his night visions in any detail with his team. That would garner too many questions that would be embarrassing to answer and his fealty to Leaf would only be thrown into greater uncertainty. Completely ridiculous of course, the taijutsu specialist would never serve another village, but right now he could not be fully trusted.

It made him feel like his mind had betrayed him.

And right after his body had done the same.

It wasn’t fair.

“Gai Sensei,” Lee prodded, already afraid of the answer to the question he was about to ask, “Do you think I will betray Leaf?”

His sensei leveled him with a look so severe, the young shinobi wanted to be swallowed up by one of the giant toads Naruto had learned to summon. Maito Gai continued positioning himself next to his student, silently folding his long legs over each other in his lap as his back strained and he took on a meditative pose. When his eyes fell shut, Lee followed swiftly, blanketing his vision in darkness as his master’s deep voice started to speak calmly.

“Lee,” he began, “You are the most dedicated student I have ever had the pleasure of training. Your devotion to your ninja way and to Konohagakure are unmatched. Had I ever thought there was a chance you would betray our village I would have taken you down myself.” Lee flinched. “I will not have another Orochimaru in my ranks.”

“I understand, sensei.”

“However,” he went on, his tone steely, “These dreams you've been having and the entanglement you have with Gaara in them concerns me. It is paramount that you remember they are only illusions and do not reflect the true nature of Sabaku no Gaara.”

Lee managed to retain the way his body wanted to perk up at hearing Gaara’s full name. It seemed oddly convenient that it also described Sand techniques, but then he supposed plenty of Leaf ninjas had names related to the forest. Sabaku no Gaara. Sabaku no Temari. Sabaku no Kankuro. The names seemed almost too big to fit behind his teeth as the genin mouthed them quietly to himself.

“I understand, sensei.”

“In the dreams,” his master prodded, “This Gaara is...kind to you?”

“Yes, sensei, he cares for me and teaches me many things.” 

The other man hummed somewhere off to Lee’s side, behind his closed lids. “Definitely just a dream then.”

They stopped talking.

As the day lengthened into night, Lee found himself reluctant to crawl into bed. Sometimes he skipped ahead in his dream, bypassing days. Other times, he fell right back into the same moment he'd left. He wanted to skip past the night, wake up when his friends were departing, he would see them in the real world plenty. They were both still milling about the hospital, apparently waiting to guard him while he slept and fight off any nightmares he may have, but Lee waved them good-night and didn't ask them to stay. Other long-term patients had set up a shogi game, which Lee invited himself to watch. 

"You want in?" asked one of the chunin, ready to setup the board once more.

"I am just watching,” the young boy assured as he settled more comfortably into a chair. The hours stretched by. Lee didn't even notice when his eyes closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I LOVE y'alls comments. My faves are when you guys talk about reading someone else's theory and then build from there. Heck yeah, get that meaningful discourse!
> 
> PS. I know this isn’t Gaaras last name, but they literally never give him one


	8. kalopsia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> KALOPSIA (noun) - the delusion of things being more beautiful than they are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To quote a_gay_poster, peep that rating change!! This chapter gets a little spicy

Lee stirred, blinking himself awake as the gentle rock of someone’s gate roused him. A patch of red hair obscured his vision and he realized Gaara was carrying him piggyback style through the village. Tenten poked his side. She was flung over Neji’s shoulder far less gently, but still conscious. She was clearly drunk. "How izzit you don drink, and  _ still  _ managed to pass out at the restaurant?"

“Lee’s still recovering,” said Gaara from between his husband’s thighs, “He shouldn’t be partaking in cheap sake.” The last bit was aimed pointedly at Neji who scoffed, hitching his wife up higher in his hold.

"You weren't invited to dinner. You don't get to complain about what we had."

They continued to pick at each other the rest of the way home. Tenten and Lee exchanged confused glances; Lee from waking up in such a situation and Tenten because she was three sheets to the wind. She frowned there upside down, pointing sloppily at Lee. "You said he wasn't coming back tonight."

"I was sure he was not."

"You're looking better," the redhead of topic commented up at Lee. He was carrying him with very little effort and the taijutsu specialist wondered if the real Gaara could manage such a task with his short stature and skinny arms. Granted he had nearly crushed Lee to death so perhaps size wasn’t everything.

"Did my friends come to our wedding?" the taller man questioned randomly, talking directly into his husband’s ear tiredly.

Neji answered, “Yes, we were both very concerned for your mental state when the invitation arrived.” His wife hiccuped a laugh from his back and he patted lightly at her thigh. "But you insisted on going through with it and we figured if you were nice enough to come to our wedding we may as well show up to yours."

The small group settled after that, Gaara and Neji no longer bickering and Tenten snoring lightly on her Hyuga’s shoulder. Lee eventually climbed down from the Kazekage’s back to walk beside him, a little down about returning to the same night he had departed on. It was still so strange to wrap his mind around traveling back and forth like this. The others seemed to not even notice the lapses and within a moment they were back in Gaara and Lee’s house. The lights were low and after Neji tossed Tenten into their room, the men settled in the study to talk a bit longer. It was nice.

"I'm turning in," the wielder of the byakugan eventually yawned. "Feel free to stay up and invent stories to embarrass my wife with."

Lee chuckled lowly. "See you in the morning, my friend." 

The other two remained in the companionable silence for a time until a large yawn clawed its way out of the taijutsu specialist’s jaw. Gaara produced a tiny smile for his benefit while standing, offering Lee his hand before they too headed upstairs. The Kazekage looked as awake and alert as he always did and his partner wondered what he did with his nights if not sleep. They reached their bedroom door eventually and the younger man released Lee’s hand.

“I’ll let you change and then tell you goodnight.”

Lee blinked back at him, expression pinched and palms clammy. He recalled the lessons Gai had tried to give him to protect his mind and control his imagination. After more research, the genin had learned lucid dreaming didn't mean he could make himself fly, only that he was aware of himself. Many sources in his studies had said dreams were just the remnants of your day reimagined, but that made very little sense for this scenario. Even more believed the visions you saw at night were there to teach you something. However, this dream had lasted for weeks. If Lee was trying to tell himself something, he had missed the lesson some time ago. Maybe he didn't have to learn; maybe the lesson was to allow himself to experience.

"You can stay." Gaara tilted his head in apparent confusion and the Leaf nin huffed. “Do not do that, it makes you look like a gecko.”

After straightening his neck, the redhead mused, “I do not sleep.” 

"I know," Lee assured, starting and halting multiple times before finally allowing his fingers to reach out and grip the other man’s lightly. “But you could stay here...with me...if you wanted.” 

A pair of jade eyes widened at him, finally catching his meaning, as Lee leaned forward and pressed another dry kiss to the corner of Gaara’s mouth. The Sand shinobi inhaled sharply before turning his face so their noses brushed and their breaths mingled between them. Lee lifted his free hand to rest on the Kazekage’s chest and was almost surprised to feel a pattering heartbeat beneath his fingers. Gaara was nervous, or maybe excited.

“Are you sure?” he mumbled, face barely moving as he studied Lee. "Please be sure."

The older man could not properly form words, so instead just folded his husband into his arms, pressing them flush together. He leant his head down to trace uncertain kisses across the pulse point along the side of Gaara’s throat. Thin fingers grasped into the side of his tunic and he could hear a nervous hiss of sand as the shorter man suddenly turned full on into the kiss. In their kisses Lee felt the months of ache and abandonment echoing inside Gaara, his fear he'd lost him, and his growing understanding that he would never get back the Lee he'd known. In return Lee laid bare the fear and confusion he had dealt with, the pure certainty that it had all been a trap. Their mouths crashed together and Lee reached behind him to start scrambling for the door handle.

"You still think this isn't real?" Gaara’s voice was small, pushed directly into the edges of Lee’s smile.

"I do not care that it is not.”

They stumbled into the room they had never and yet always shared, clumsy teeth clicking together as they tried to find the rhythm one of them believed had never existed to begin with. Grainy hotness slipped through his fingers and Lee realized Gaara was dissolving his sand armor, his true soft skin exposed to the night air, smooth and giddy. The taijutsu specialist reveled in the velvety softness that had been hidden from him and simultaneously acknowledged the attraction he had been hiding from himself. He could not deny Gaara, they were both too touch starved and unloved from a lifelong loneliness that never left. The idea that anyone could love him was astonishing to Lee. The reality that it was Gaara was heartbreaking.

It did not matter that this wasn’t real, it didn’t matter that they did not share any memories. Lee wanted him and only here, in this dream, could he admit that. He’d been frightened of Gaara the moment they'd met, afraid of the energy and aggression that dripped off him. Of the few words he spoke in a menacing and of the dozens more he kept locked away in his deranged mind. Lee had been terrified, but also intrigued; positively fascinated at someone with so much unbridled power. He had envied Gaara, hated him, and yet lusted after him as much as any inexperienced fourteen year old could lust after anyone. And he had buried all of that until now. Now he didn’t have to anymore.

"We don't have to go any further," said Gaara, breath coming hard. He had slithered out of his robes, leaving his moon pale chest bare in the dark room, and practically ripped Lee’s own tunic off. They were both bare chested and panting. "If you're not ready, we can wait." 

The taijutsu specialist thought about it briefly, taking the cool moment of no contact to center himself. This wasn’t real, he knew, but that did not mean he was ready to engage in all the springtime of their youths with no experience. He gulped, sweat sliding down his back as he leaned in and pecked his husband’s cheek lightly. “I do not remember how to…”

“We can do other things.” His smile was so sharp and serpentine that for a moment Rock Lee flashed back to the chunin exams and lost his breath. But then a pair of rose petal soft lips were drawing him in again and he sighed as Gaara pushed him gently down onto the bed. He was painfully stiff beneath his pants, and blushed when he noticed Gaara was experiencing the same predicament. “Lay back.”

The Leaf ninja complied, thankful to give up some control as he flopped onto his back feeling dizzy and anxious. He kept his eyes on the ceiling, but hissed lowly as a pair of delicate fingers started to dance across his chest and stomach. Another hand rested at his knee, not moving, but gripping tightly. He heard something heavy fall to the ground and realized Gaara had likely shrugged off his gourd, amazed he had not thought of the item until then. He supposed he simply was not afraid of it anymore.

“You think I’m an illusion,” the redhead murmured from somewhere near the foot of the bed. Lee huffed low down in his chest, stomach tight as the fingers ghosted lower.

He corrected, “A fantasy.”

"Maybe this is my fantasy," Gaara countered, other hand sliding up Lee’s thigh. "Maybe I dreamed about you, too." 

His two hands converging on Lee’s waistband to begin slowly dragging it down ended their conversation. The taijutsu specialist felt his whole body flushing with arousal and embarrassment. No one had ever seen him totally naked before and now Gaara of the Desert was staring at him very hungrily, crystalline eyes wide. Stubby nails scraped over Lee’s hipbones and he jumped. The beast of Suna was on him then, crouched above his prone figure and the Leaf nin felt like a boulder had been placed on his chest to crush the life out of him in the very best way possible. The jinjuriki kissed his ear, gnawing and nibbling down his neck. His mouth latched at one nipple, the other he massaged with his hand. Lee arched as he sucked and licked, blowing cool air at last over the wet peak. He kissed the second nipple wetly, his hands gripping on and off down his sides. When he kissed his belly, licking a stripe down to his navel, Lee tensed. He had never even fantasized this far on his own before.

"Do you remember this?"

The other man shook his head furiously, bangs slapping him in the eyes and then there was no more words. Gaara ran his tongue flat all along Lee’s length and then engulfed him whole into his mouth. The Leaf nin threw his arm over his mouth to muffle his sudden cries. Gaara attacked him with his mouth, flicking at him exactly how Lee wanted him to, sucking hard and deep before alternating to light and just at the tip. This Gaara had been his lover for years, knew his needs and his cues. The rhythm was there then, real and obvious in the way the redhead tasted at his partner eagerly, pale fingers still holding him down at the hips with just the right amount of roughness. Lee came hurriedly, almost unexpectedly, and far too soon, the crashing wave of his climax hitting him hard. Gaara did not retreat until the spasms subsided and then drew back with an obscenely wet noise. The genin’s whole body was aflame and he felt like a muscle pushed to the point of strain and exhaustion, chest heaving. His husband crawled up the bed to be near his head, a shiny glint to his mouth as he began to stroke the other shinobi’s head. 

“Did you like that?” It was asked in the tone of someone who had asked a million times before and Lee could only nod mutely, hair stuck to his forehead with sweat. “Good.”

The Sand shinobi started to reposition them, rolling Lee like a ragdoll onto his side so he could crowd against his back and hold him. The taijutsu specialist went easily, only making a minimal complaint about wanting to return the favor, but Gaara just shook his head. He clutched Lee to him tightly, not even letting him redress, and the other man could feel his hot length pressed against his backside. More than that was the sand that begun to pool into the bed, fixing itself directly onto their skin. It felt a bit odd and a lot gross to have the tiny granules sticking to his sweat and other bodily fluids, but he allowed it. Within a moment they were cocooned in sand armor and held tightly together like a statue nestled at the bottom of the ocean. 

* * *

Lee woke in the same chair in the recreation room of Konoha Hospital, body stiff and freezing cold. A sticky dampness covered his front side. Some kind soul had thrown a blanket over the patient which had thankfully covered the mess. Shivers passed through him having nothing to do with the temperature. There'd been many nights, back before all this, when he'd gone to his lonely bedroll in Gai Sensei’s living room. The genin would be sweaty and spent from hours running laps around the village to quiet the hum in his body. 

Some days it wasn’t enough and he would use his teeth to peel away the bandages from his hand before reaching down and gripping himself shamefully. He knew this out of breath rapid pulse, and the full body glow that lingered. He'd dreamed intensely and his body had responded in his sleep just like any other teenage boy. The dream slowly began to fade, but Lee still felt Gaara's hands on him for hours after, and he couldn't stop thinking about the joy hidden in the jinjuriki’s eyes as he'd kissed him.

Throughout his entire life, Lee hadn't told lies. Some other youths at the academy had a habit of spinning wild tales, trying and failing to trick their team leaders with flights of fancy to get out of exercises. Lee had known his own work was only as good as his word and being on a team with Neji made any attempts at deception pointless. The Leaf nin hated lying and he hated liars and it was very rare he could be swayed to forgive someone he had realized had been deceiving him for any amount of time. Liars did not deserve forgiveness.

The taijutsu specialist told himself now that no forgiveness would be necessary because his few lies were not hurting anyone. He reasoned he was, in fact, taking active steps to keep people from being hurt. Every morning when he woke, he mentally prepared a list of potential dream subjects and chose whichever felt right for that day. The shinobi was getting quite good at lying and getting through an impressive number of fake dream ideas. He worked his way through them one by one when asked.

Like clockwork, Tenten prompted, "What was your dream last night?"

"I was back in the academy,” the boy recited evenly to his teammate, “I could not find my hitai-ate and was running terribly late for lessons.” 

"So not that weird nightmare any more?" the kunoichi pressed, eyebrows raised questioningly.

"No, thank the First."

The weapons specialist nodded and then launched into a description of her own dreams, murky and complex. She had been trapped inside one of her own scrolls and being chased by anthropomorphic versions of her favorite weapons. "And somehow I knew if they caught me, I'd be turned into a baby again."

The next day Neji asked while they were preparing to meditate together. Lee smiled. "I do not even remember my dream from last night! I think I was being chased by one of Kakashi Sensei’s loyal canine companions!” 

"I hate dogs," the Hyuga grumbled, eyes falling shut.

"Oh do not let Kiba hear you saying that, rival!"

The questions stopped after a few days, when he'd assured his friends there wasn't anything left to tease him about, or question further. Gai Sensei offered him privacy, never asking again after the discussion about Gaara, but made it clear that he would be available if Lee wanted to talk.

"Thank you, Gai Sensei!" his pupil had crowed fakely. "Knowing you are here to support me gives me great strength to push through any adversity!”

The older man took his star student through their basic sparring routine that day, going light on his newly repaired muscles, and then without warning began attacking with an entirely new pattern and fierceness. Lee gave ground before him, confused at the change of pace as he defended himself. Gai Sensei was incredibly fast, spinning quicker than the eye could follow, and he had taught Lee everything he knew. The genin too often fell into the trap of believing himself a true rival to his master’s skill and now he was paying for his arrogance. He kept his sensei at bay, but only just, trying to analyze his movements like Neji was always grouching about. But these were movements Gai had never used and so Lee struggled to adapt, attempting to be as unpredictable as his opponent in his defense and offense. He watched closely as the Noble Green Beast of Leaf continued coming at him, attacking relentlessly at spots where he knew his student was weak. 

His leg and arm ached. 

He needed his medicine.

Grasping at straws, Rock Lee attempted to remember anything he may have learned from his dreams that could save his honor. He was flagging in speed and intensity and soon his master would best him. The ninja kept on the defensive, letting himself be back across the training ground until he remembered something Gaara had taught him about the element of surprise. Jumping back with a swift spin, he kicked dirt and dust up into Gai’s face. Rather than shooting towards the older man’s flank like he had been trained, Lee plowed straight through the dust and wrapped himself fully around his teacher, throwing his balance off as the weight of his top half doubled. 

They tipped back and the genin grabbed his opponent by the head, wrenching his neck forward before slamming it back into the ground that rushed up to meet them; an aggressive grappling technique Kankuro had shown him the week before. A crater cracked into the ground all around Maito Gai’s head and he stared up at his student in shock. Lee’s teeth were clenched, panted breath hissing from between them as he flexed his hold on the other man’s skull. He could break his neck from this angle. 

“Yield.” Gai tapped his fingers against Lee’s wrist and the younger man leapt away, chest rising and falling rapidly as he wiped a sheet of sweat from his face. "Sensei, you changed your technique,” he accused, voice wounded, “Why?"

"New lesson," the older man grunted, lifting himself from the ground. Sand from the field’s floor clung to his back. "You've grown too used to my attacks, I had to try different methods to overwhelm you." He pointed a finger at his pupil, thick brows drawn together and voice raised almost to a reprimand. "You will not be practiced against a real enemy! The patterns will be new and you will have to adjust quickly!"

Lee huffed and looked away, remembering randomly dream Tenten’s comment about taking orders growing old. He recalled the way the woman had lounged there, stretched like a cat in their study as Neji hovered nearby, older and wiser than he already was. He thought about how Gaara had found them the next night, forgotten Lee didn’t drink, and then followed him up to bed. The genin huffed again, crouching to catch his breath as his teacher stretched out for their next match.

Gaara was only a vision, something Lee’s sleeping mind constructed for him. Gaara of the Desert was the reality, and Maito Gai clearly thought he and Lee were destined to cross paths again and he had to be ready. When that day came, he wouldn't have the luxury of conflating the two men in his mind. He would fight to defend his village and do everything in his power to kill Gaara because he knew the redhead would not hesitate to obliterate him when next given the chance. No matter how much he resembled the Leaf shinobi’s imaginary lover. Gai Sensei was pushing him because he could not afford to be weak right now; could not afford to go into battle seeing the boy as the man he loved. As the taijutsu specialist took his beginning stance, preparing for his master’s next attack, he began to worry he would not be able to tell the difference.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. sorry, kinda short chapter (I wanna get naruto in here soon)  
> 2\. SORRY, havent written smut in a billion years and never a BJ scene  
> 3\. my fiance and I just adopted a dog and named her Tenten  
> 4\. still loving the comments; big reveal next chapter i THINK


	9. zemblanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ZEMBLANITY (noun) - the inevitable discovery of what we would rather not know

Lee ate his breakfast while thinking about an old Suna tale Gaara had relayed to him the night before. In the time before the Great Nations were established, far beyond what was now known as the Country of Earth, there had lived a tribe of shinobi, wise and gifted. Working together they built breathtaking edifices, their towers scraping the clouds. They invented ninjutsus that everyone could master; their kekkei genkais passing from person to person through sheer determination to learn. Infinitely patient and undyingly kind, they took to the seas in great ships, pouring their wisdom through every land they touched, lifting primitive people into the same bright day of discovery. They did not come as conquerors but as teachers. However, as great peoples often did, they grew proud and arrogant with each new achievement. They stopped distributing knowledge and began invoking their own laws and demands on the peoples they met. None could rise against them, for who could fight against those who were practically gods?

"Someone did," Lee had said, tucked tightly into his husband’s hold, the two of them huddled beneath a ridge of sand and watching the sunset. Gaara had nodded.

"According to the story, there was an uprising," the Kazekage had gone on. "The subjugated people banded together, and they used the knowledge they'd been given at such a high price to create a new technique in secret." 

A terrible technique. The rebels had sent their bravest and best ninjas to the very center of the ancient land and managed to drag the entirety of its magnificence crumbling to the ground. The survivors were hunted to extinction, all traces of them wiped from the dimensions of time. The remaining rebels, having lost the best of their community, split into tribes and spread throughout the land looking for others and hoarding their techniques and specialties to themselves and their families. The Great Nations and all tribes within them were descendants of those rebels so went the story.

"No great civilization can be destroyed from without until it has poisoned itself from within," his husband had finished. Lee wondered where he had heard such a tale, but then guessed likely from Temari who had heard it from her late mother years before. 

"People continue to make the same mistakes others did before them," he’d mused concernedly, thinking about how the Uchihas guarded the sharingan and how Neji’s family kept all marriages and friendships close to the bloodline to keep control over the byakugan. The Leaf ninja didn't know what his subconscious was trying to tell him with this story. He recognized pieces of the myth as part of what he had learned during the academy about teamwork coming before all, not even the mission being worth more than the life of a friend. Was he warning himself not to fall into the same traps as those who preceded him; to put his feelings for Gaara above the ultimate mission to defend Konoha? Was he simply lonely for bedtime stories after growing up with no parents to tell them to him?

Tenten had been talking the entire time he thought and Lee hadn't heard a word she'd said. "Sorry, say that again?"

"Which part?"

The genin skimmed back through his mind and latched on to what he’d automatically retained from the conversation. "About the double bladed kunai?"

"Yeah, it's off balance. I've asked Iruka Sensei to take a look at it, but no luck so far."

"You cannot train without a well balanced weapon."

"Exactly what I just said." The kunoichi narrowed her eyes at him. "Are you still asleep?"

"A little. Sorry."

"It's fine," she waved off though her mouth had a tiny twist at the edge. "Do you think you'll feel well enough to spar later today?"

"I will try."

The taijutsu specialist did indeed try, but training took longer than usual. Maito Gai had him run his usual trail through the village, but with his eyes closed. He withheld his mentee’s medicine as incentive. “Use your other senses, Lee,” he encouraged, jogging backwards just ahead of him, making sure the way was clear. 

“Yes, Sensei! If I do not complete this run without mistakes, I will run it five more times before sunset!” 

“Excellent self-rule, my protege! The extra work will tire your body and mind and lead to restful sleep!” The genin imagined there was an accusatory lilt to his master’s voice, but knew there was likely nothing more than genuine well wishes and a touch of concern. He kept his brain busy as he ran, counting his steps and mentally listing everything they passed so that his mind would not wander. 

He still ran into a lot of walls. 

After he completed his fifth redo, the two taijutsu specialists returned to the hospital therapy room and proceeded with weight training. Maito Gai was steadily adding more and more weights as the minutes ticked by and Lee felt his knees and back beginning to tremble when he noticed the sun approaching the Hokage Mountain. He tossed the barbells down with a clatter, drawing Iyashi’s sharp gaze from across the room. 

“Sensei,” he panted, bowing his head, “May I be excused to spar with Tenten in the training field?”

"Go on! A youthful show of strength can lift the spirits and strengthen the bond of the team!” The older man seemed happy enough to dismiss him and Lee bowed again. He was a little surprised the jonin didn’t want to continue his training every waking moment, rushing to beat a deadline only he saw, but he was thankful.

Rock Lee jogged to the field, feeling the late afternoon breeze dropping the temperature with each passing minute. Tenten was already there, scrolls rolled out in front of her and brow furrowed in concentration. "I apologize for being late!" he greeted, waving as he came upon his teammate. “Gai Sensei was putting me through an invigorating training exercise!"

"It’s fine." The weapons specialist continued gazing at her scrolls, not moving to hop into a fighting stance. She looked a tad confused and the other Leaf Shinobi sidled up to read the scrolls over her shoulder, the several scribbles and kanjis meaning very little to him. ”I messed up a sealing tag and now I can’t summon my kunai."

"Can I help in some way?”

"No, not really.” She slapped her palm down on a blank space and a barrage of shuriken sprang forth from the paper. Lee flinched back, but didn’t have to as Tenten reached out experately and caught each sharped star between her fingers. She sighed in frustration. “I can’t believe I messed up this bad.”

It made the Leaf genin sad to see his teammate so disheartened. Tenten was usually such a self-assured force that seeing her dealing with the outcomes of her own mistakes was a rare occurrence. He squatted down beside her, leg warmers scrunching about his shins as he studied the scrolls. He knew he had no skill for fuinjutsu, but he truly believed that no challenge could not be overcome with the right attitude! He scrunched his brows at the bits of sealed paper, determined to help his beloved friend fix her mishap.

“Tenten,” he announced, drawing her eyes to him, “I swear I will help you solve this problem else I will walk all the way to Sunagakure on my hands!”

The young brunette girl blinked before a tiny smile appeared on her face. This version of Tenten was not as close or caring to Lee as the one from his dreams, but they had still been friends and teammates for many years. She nodded her thanks to the boy and the two begane to discuss at length what the issue could be. They bounced theories back and forth between them as the sun dipped low and the hour grew late. At some point Tenten rested back against one of the training posts and leant her head on Lee’s shoulder.

The Leaf shinobi felt a warmth flow through his body, but it felt different from what it used to be. He was not drawn to his teammate as he had once been, nor any kunoichi roaming the streets of his village. Instead he held Tenten in a high and loving regard built upon years of teamwork and now nights of conversation. Some of his fondness for her was, admittedly, fostered by his fantasy version of her; the version of her that jumped into his arms and called him ‘Lee-kun’. It wasn’t real, but it was nice and he figured he needed somewhere to place all this affection.

“Perhaps,” he noted after a time, neither of them any closer to cracking the case of the sealed kunai, “Kakashi or Iruka Sensei could help us.”

The girl groaned and tossed her body about, face pink even in the scarlet glow of sunset. “That would be so embarrassing!” she insisted, clutching her scrolls to her chest protectively. “I don’t want everyone knowing I’m totally inept!”

The taijutsu specialist assured his friend she was not inept, but continued to ponder how to help her if no one in the village was allowed to know about the conundrum. An idea struck him suddenly and he perked up, eyes bright as he turned to her. “May I hold onto your scroll for the night?”

* * *

  
  


Temari took one look at Lee’s rough redrawing of the seals Tenten had shown him and immediately spotted the issue. The genin had studied the kanjis late into the night, committing each stroke to memory until he fell asleep. As soon as he had opened his eyes in Sand, he grabbed a piece of paper off Gaara’s writing desk, the Kazekage frowning at being disturbed, and copied down the seal as best he could. He had not expected his husband’s older sister to be visiting during this dream, but figured she would be the perfect person to attempt and solve Tenten’s issue. 

With a casual shrug, the blonde rerolled the bit of paper he had scribbled on and announced, “They’ve got an odd-numbered seal on top of an even-numbered seal. There’s an imbalance.”

Lee repeated this explanation to himself slowly, determined to tell Tenten in the morning and thanked his sister-in-law profusely for helping him with the issue. He had claimed it was a question brought to him by a villager while out on a stroll and said he desperately wanted to help even though he was incapable of performing seals himself. The Sand Siblings seemed to take this excuse at face value and waved off the taijutsu specialist’s several sincere thank yous. 

Gaara’s brother and sister appeared to only hold slightly more affection for him here than in the real world. The Leaf nin let them talk him into an outing in the village without the redhead, wandering for hours between shops until Kankuro found what he declared to be the perfect spot for lunch. Lee was inclined to agree, having visited this particular soba shop many times while asleep and enjoying it greatly. The three jonin crowded in and found an empty table near the pack. The staff and other patrons all bowed and waved to Lee respectfully.

“I still can’t believe you married up and ended up outranking all of us,” his brother-in-law grumbled as his sister began memorizing the menu beside him. Lee blushed, still not used to the fact he had a formal title people had to address him by and sway over most of the citizens of Sand, second only to the Kazekage himself. “Outranked by a bowl cut.”

“Do not let it change your perception of me, onii-chan!” he insisted, his two pseudo siblings snorting their amusement.

“We’ve heard that before,” Temari sighed good-naturedly before looking up to the short woman who had come to take their orders. The food came out oddly quick just like you'd expect from a dream and they all tucked in to their cold noodles.

Lee noticed their meal was nearly identical to Team Gai's lunch yesterday in Konohagakure. Generally the fantasy food had been of a higher quality than what he ate by day. A few times, he'd skipped meals altogether, knowing he'd be dining later, but he couldn't do so often, or he'd end up gorging on unreal dishes while his body starved. Perhaps the thin but nutritious buckwheat noodles in his bowl now were a tender reminder from his stomach.

"Thank you," he said, enjoying the company more than the food. A valuable lesson if ever there was one. He made a mental note to be honest about this part of the dream when someone inevitably asked about it. Though of course he would have to lie and say he was out with citizens of Leaf rather than two of the three infamous Sand Siblings.

"Would you be up for visiting the academy today?" Kankuro's voice was casual, but his gaze held the other man. He had dragged them out into the heat and away from his little brother’s sensitive ears for a reason. If the taijutsu specialist had to guess, he would say Temari’s sudden arrival from Leaf, sans her husband, was no coincidence either.

"I would love to. I have wanted to ease back into things that do not involve the council." Lee could walk unassisted now and handle a steady schedule of physical training which meant he was physically healed. He wanted to see what else this dream world had to offer.

"You don't have to," said Temari, sharp eyes cast at her brother reproachfully. "If you'd rather wait and see if you get more of your memory back..."

"No, seeing where I sometimes work may knock something loose.” He had noticed the imposing academy building several times while out on patrols with Gaara. It was large and tower-like with a battle arena situated at the very top. “Has the academy been established for a very long time?"

The puppet master shrugged, scraping at a piece of nori stuck to the front of his teeth. “It was founded by our first Kage just like your guys’s so it’s definitely older than me and Tem here.”

Lee did not bother to correct that Konoha Academy had been founded by their _second_ Hokage and instead turned to the blonde woman sitting across from him. “What are your admission requirements?”

“Loyalty to the village, a well body and mind to complete the training, and a strong desire to become a shinobi,” she counted down on three slender fingers, a sharp smirk sitting at the corner of her lips as Lee nodded. Their requirements were not terribly different from those of Leaf. He would be interested to see how the inside of the academy was run. This alternate future held glimpses of his own time, anything he learned might be useful.

They went the next day while Gaara stayed home, sulking and pretending not to sulk that his request to come along had been rebuffed. He sat at his writing desk in their bedroom, papers a disorderly mess in front of him and his gourd hissing near his feet. 

"I promise I will not be long," Lee comforted, leaning over to kiss him. The redhead pulled his chin closer, deepening the kiss.

"Oh, gross!" Kankuro gagged from the doorway having just entered from the hall. Behind him, Temari smacked a hand across the back of his head.

"That’s what you get for not knocking you idiot,” she growled, looking like she wanted to draw her fan as Lee hurried to step between them and lead their exit.

As soon as the three arrived at the academy, Lee was accosted by dozens of students, children he'd never met but who were pleased to see him up and around. Some rushed to show him moves they had perfected in his absence while others merely expressed wishes their taijutsu master would come back to class when he could. Lee didn't need his subconscious to tell him he'd spent too long alone and unappreciated.

"Anything?" Temari asked, hope in her voice as another team of soon to be genin rushed off. “Do any of the kids look familiar?”

“I am afraid not,” the younger shinobi said honestly. None of the students who had greeted him or other sensei’s that came to welcome him back had sparked recognition in his mind, but he hadn’t expected them to. "I will come back again soon. Maybe when I am remembering more."

Kankuro complained during their exit, “Well, that was a bust. I was hoping to never come back here until I had to drop off my own brats." 

The puppet master’s offhand comment made Lee tilt his head thoughtfully, turning to Temari on his other side as he pulled up his hood to block the sun's hot rays. “Onee-san, forgive me, I do not remember. Do you have children?”

Temari’s face blanked momentarily before her signature smirk was back. She no longer wore a hitai-ate tying her to any one village, but her preference for the desert was obvious in the way she turned her fair face towards the sun. “Do you expect me to?” Lee thought about it a moment before nodding. His sister-in-law chuckled. “Well then you thought right; Shikamaru and I have a son.”

“How wonderful!” the Leaf nin exclaimed, hands up before his face as he tried to imagine a young boy with a bushy ponytail and his mother's sharp eyes. He supposed however he pictured the child would be what he looked like when he finally saw him. Dream logic. “It must have made Gaara so happy to become an uncle.”

“Yeah, the little cactus was pumped,” Kankuro cut in, smiling presumably over thoughts of his nephew. They were well into the center of the village by now. “Hey, Tem, how old is the little guy now?”

“His third birthday is actually next week,” she mused as the Kazekage house came into view. “After my business here is done we could all travel back to celebrate it.”

Kankuro immediately agreed while the youngest of the three paused worriedly. He had not attempted to leave Sunagakure since the sandstorm, but was very interested in seeing his home village as well as Temari’s imaginary son. He questioned openly if Gaara would even have a moment to step away from taking care of Suna. The Sand Siblings assured he would.

“Gaara can pretty much do whatever he wants,” the puppet master stated casually, leading the march towards the front door of Lee’s house. “Plus he’s always down for a chance to visit the Hokage.”

As they finally escaped the desert heat and began shaking sand and dust from their clothes, Lee asked, “Are Gaara and Tsunade-sama very close?” If so that would be an odd detail to add to the dream.

The others looked at him confusedly before Temari seemed to catch on first. From the second level, Gaara emerged from their bedroom and began coming down the stairs. His sister chuckled lightly, patting the Leaf nin’s shoulder. “Lady Tsunade retired, Lee. Naruto Uzumaki is Hokage in Leaf now.”

The taijutsu specialist’s shock was evident on his face and his in-laws shared a friendly laugh at his expense as Gaara finally reached the ground level and approached. Lee was still sputtering nonsensically about the boy who called him ‘Bushy Brows’ being made a Kage when the redhead took his hand.

“Naruto is a very good leader,” he assured, taking his husband's surprise as dismay. “Leaf does well under him.”

“I am sure they do, I was just surprised,” the shinobi mumbled, brow puckered. Gaara nodded his understanding and it dawned on Lee all over again that this dream world of his had seven years of history he did not know about. He pestered Gaara with questions about Naruto as they moved further into the house. The two were apparently very good friends and the Kazekage spoke of the host of the fox demon with a warm fondness that almost left Lee wondering if he should be worried, but that would be silly. This was just a dream after all. 

* * *

Rock Lee eagerly told Tenten the solution to her problem as soon as she arrived for breakfast and the kunoichi looked like she could have kissed him. She rushed away, leaving the rest of her team to continue eating since she would not summon weapons indoors, but when she came back she was beaming. The note from Temari had been correct and once she’d fixed her seals, her kunai had come sailing out. She asked interestedly where he had found the tip and Lee made up a kindly old man who was a resident of the hospital and a former shinobi. Tenten was amazed, Neji was uninterested, and Gai Sensei was quite obviously suspicious. For the rest of breakfast Lee felt his master’s heavy gaze on the side of his face, but ignored it in favor of talking with his friends. He listened enthusiastically to their latest mission details and longed to be back in the field. He was only a few days away from release now, Tsunade had said so herself, and he was extremely excited to get back to his genin duties with his teammates. Not even Maito Gai’s misgivings could dampen that mood.

Deep, deep in the recesses of his mind, buried so far down that he would not even blush at the thought of them, Lee recalled the nights he had been spending with Gaara. It was all still so new, the physical aspect of their relationship, and if he were being honest with himself, the Leaf nin was a little surprised he could even dream of such activities. He had no experience and yet everything they did seemed so practiced and realistic. They had not gotten too far beyond what they had done that first night, but their continued exploration left the gein excited for night. 

Rock Lee wanted to talk with someone, anyone, about how his life had changed. He wanted a kind shoulder to lean against and a friend to ask if it was possible to fall in love in a dream; what difference was there between a real romance, and the warmth that bloomed inside him when he thought about Gaara? Any advice from someone in the dream would only be his own brain talking to him. And he couldn't ask the people around him now, not with the delicate shell of lies he'd built. Even if he did ask, they would only say what he didn't want to hear: the difference was that Gaara wasn't real, the greenhouse wasn't real, that life wasn't real, and thus nothing he felt was real. Lee knew all that already, but what he desperately wanted was for someone to hold him, and to tell him it didn't matter if none of what he'd experienced was real, as long as he was happy.

* * *

Days went by as days in dreams often did: all at once languorous and swift. One night Rock Lee woke up in Konoha and panicked, terribly frightened his fantasy was over, but then noticed that Gaara was perched on the window nearby. They were visiting Leaf for Temari’s son’s birthday. They had been there a while. They were staying with Naruto. All these non-memories washed over him like a wave and he calmed, slipping from bed to cuddle up to his serious husband.

More days and nights later they were already saying goodbye, planning to leave before the sun crested the mountains the next morning, and Naruto was insisting he could not and would not get up that early to see them off. Lee did not remember the birthday party, nor if they had seen Tenten, Neji, Gai, or Kakashi while visiting, but his old friend was tall and broad, eyes still just as sky blue as they were in reality if not more so. He laughed loud and long and Sasuke never left his side. 

The taijutsu specialist had been surprised he would dream about the Uchiha, so unfriendly were their interactions. He had thought perhaps his brain was coupling him and Naruto together much as it had done with Tenten and Neji, or Gai and Kakashi. However, the two never showed or expressed any romantic attachment, merely orbited each other like earth and its moon; staying close but never truly meeting even if they looked at each other day in and day out.

The blonde wrapped Lee into a tight hug as his companion shook Gaara’s hand formally. “You’ve got to visit more, Bushy Brows,” he insisted, “The village is too quiet without you.”

“I highly doubt that, Hokage-sama,” his friend laughed, turning and nodding awkwardly at Sasuke. He stepped back and watched as Gaara and Naruto seemed to share a friendly moment before also embracing, their grips on each other speaking of a brotherly bond. Lee wasn’t worried anymore.

When they all bid each other goodnight and retreated to their varying rooms, Lee sighed happily, flopping into bed and smiling as he felt Gaara take a seat beside him. He did that now sometimes; crawled into bed even though he did not sleep and his husband wondered if his demon grew restless in his leisure. They had spoken of Shukaku only in brief, hurried moments, the redhead not liking to dwell on the One-Tailed beast which was perfectly understandable to Lee.

"They all hate me, you know.” His voice was dry and emotionless, merely stating a fact. “They hate me for taking you away from them.”

“I am sure that is not true, dearest,” the other man comforted, smiling when the pet name he had began testing out was not rebuffed. “It is not as if you hate Shikamaru for taking Temari away. People grow up and move on.”

“They miss you.”

Lee pondered this sentiment. These people were not real which meant they could not miss him, and yet…”I miss them too.”

He did. When he woke up he missed these versions of his friends, here more like family. He missed the way Tenten was so open and loving towards him, how Neji no longer looked at him like an annoyance, but as a genuine friend. He missed the Gai and Kakashi who were not suspicious of his devotion to Leaf, and he was sure he would miss this Naruto who was still bold and loud, but now wise and experienced to go with it. Yes, when Lee woke up he missed these people. Gaara especially.

"Will you return to them?”

"Never." 

He wrapped himself around the redhead, the sand armor sliding off both of them as Lee tried to bury himself in the warm love he felt in these fantasies. An hour later, they lay on the bed together, nothing but a throw blanket covering them while Lee held Gaara to his chest, tingly and content as he looked out the great windows over Konohagakure. There was a storm rolling in, it's dark clouds barely discernible from the night sky, but the air smelt rich with petrichor. Lee counted, tapping out the seconds on his husband’s back, between flashes of lightning and the thunderous crashes that followed. Every so often, he would lean over and kiss Gaara with a lazy sigh. The shorter man breathed languidly, his whole body lax and vulnerable.

"I never want to wake up from this," he murmured.

* * *

Lee startled awake as the knowledge struck him, ripping him right out of Gaara's pale arms. Alone in his hospital room, the sky barely beginning to pale with the touches of dawn, it all seemed so obvious. The odd inconsistencies. Why the thread of his days continued one by one. Why he was learning real, true things that he could not possibly know. He understood now.

It wasn’t his dream.


	10. whelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WHELVE (verb) - to bury something deep; to hide

Lee found a place to sit in the corridor outside Lady Tsunade's quarters. He folded his legs tightly beneath him and maintained a statue like stillness as he waited. The early morning cold seeped through his jumpsuit, below his knees the only part of him well covered against it. The Leaf genin welcomed the cold, hoped the sharpness of it would keep him up and alert. It was extremely early and sleep still clung to him. 

Still a bit before genuine dawn, Tsunade opened the door, and stepped out surprised at finding the young boy there. He shifted, turning so he could bow low over the ground, palms and forehead pressed to the tile. "Good morning, Lee."

"I am in trouble, Hokage-sama."

His voice was choked and he sniffled as the old woman shifted her weight around, a great sigh escaping from her chest as she beckoned him to stand. “Let’s get a drink.” 

Back in her office, the blonde poured herself a small cup of sake. Lee declined when she offered him a taste and shuffled about awkwardly as she started off her morning with a stiff shot. Two glasses later and she finally sighed again, catching her genin in a cool gaze. “So,” she mused, cheek rested on her fist, “It’s not just a dream?”

“I think it is a dream,” Lee muttered, “Only it is not mine.”

If the Fifth Hokage was surprised by this revelation, she hid it very well behind another shot of sake. In the corner, Tonton snored sleepily and Lee wondered when Shizune would begin her day if Tsunade was already up and drinking. “Explain.”

Still lost himself, Lee recounted in quiet murmurs and embarrassing detail everything he had experienced while he slept these last few months. How every part of his dreams seemed real and palpable even when he was seeing or experiencing something brand new. How even though it was taking place in his own mind, facts he was aware of were not known by others present. How when he made observations or complaints about these missing details, they changed but he retained knowledge of their absence. Everything pointed to a world in which he was a guest and someone else was painting a picture for him; trying to put him more at ease.

“I think,” he concluded, “That an enemy has...infected my mind.”

Tsunade nodded, shoulders slumped in a way Lee had often seen Dream Gaara’s slumped. With the weight of an entire village weighing down on them. She leaned back in her seat, sake bottle now empty and her mood all the poorer for it. “I was afraid it may be something like this, but you gave no indication of being corrupted.”

“I have not been!” the genin swore, eyes full and heart heavy as he stared at his Hokage. “I would never betray Konohagakure!”

“Be that as it may,” she dismissed, eyes hard, “Someone was attempting to use your mind to gather information on Leaf.”

The taijutsu specialist bowed his head, teeth gnawing at his lower lip as he thought over everything he had seen while asleep. Never had anyone seriously pressed him for information or shown any type of obvious interest in his Life before Sand. If anything, most people he came across seemed very determined to have him forget his time in Leaf. To commit to his life in Suna and stop bringing up things from the past which was really the present. He explained this in a low tone to Tsunade and she scoffed.

“A clever trick to put you at ease,” she insisted, beginning to dig through her desk drawers. Tonton awoke from all the racket and moved to sniff around Lee’s legs. The shinobi ignored the little pig. “Sooner or later whoever’s behind this would have started pressuring you.” She popped back up, a new bottle clasped to her ample chest. She looked frustrated. “Who is behind this?”

It was a rhetorical question, not truly aimed at Lee and for that he was grateful. She theorized that at least one person in his fantasy had to be real and planted there to interrogate him. If the old lady thought Gaara was behind this or maybe a member of his council, she did not say. The genin did not know if he could stand an interrogation into what his dream version of Gaara had been like. The idea that that had been the real Gaara, trapped there beside him and just as unaware as him made him feel sick to his stomach. He could not bear it.

Eventually the Fifth Hokage rubbed her face tiredly, pulling at her ageless skin in frustration. “Just tell me you didn’t give them anything of value.”

His body.

His heart.

“No, Hokage-sama.”

"How bad are the nightmares?"

"They are not bad. I was frightened at first, but the dreamscape is...nice." His face hurt from frowning. "I think perhaps the person that brought me there...may be stuck too."

“That’d be ironic,” the older woman huffed, once more emptying the last of her alcohol into her cup. “It’s not impossible though. Someone not skilled in mind-related techniques could easily get trapped between hosts, or hell, even in someone else’s mind entirely.”

The genin’s stomach rolled at the thought that Gaara could have gotten stuck in his mind somehow. He felt dizzy.

“Has it happened before?”

“You’d have to ask a Yamanaka,” she shrugged, “I’ll probably have Inoichi take a look at you before all this is over.” 

Her subordinate nodded mutely. This was all so much to take in and Lee could feel his chest tightening a bit more with every breath he took, powerless to let any of it go and relax. He had hosted Sabaku no Gaara’s mind within his own. He witnessed the other boy’s deepest dreams and fantasies; had participated in them. The Leaf shinobi could honestly feel his body wanting to faint at the sheer magnitude of the revelation. but he remained strong and standing before his Hokage. Tsunade was watching him with a shrewd eye, decades of secrets tucked beneath her skin.

“Are there shinobi who practice techniques similar to the Yamanakas in Sand?” 

“Not him.” They both knew to which ‘him’ she was referring. “But yes there are a few, probably elders on the council by now. That style of ninjutsu doesn’t get a lot of respect over there.” She thought quietly for a moment, red lips pressed into a thin line. “You say he never pressured you for intel?”

The taijutsu specialist shook his head vigorously, face growing red and hot now that they were both talking and thinking about the same person even if they did not say his name. “No, Hokage-sama. The dreams are about his village and his siblings.”

"And he chose to have them with you," the Sannin mused, her confusion obvious in the way her sharp eyebrows pulled together in the middle. Lee only shrugged at her, just as confused. “He never tried to attack you?”

“I attempted to strike him once and he blocked me with his sand.” It seemed like literal years ago that he and Gaara had stepped out into the hot desert sun for the first time, but Lee still recalled the steely set of the redhead’s eyes and the skinny arm that wrapped around his waist. "I think there has been some sort of mistake, Lady Tsunade. I do not think he means me to be there. He is different from the exams, he is not horrible or mean, and he would never hurt me-!”

He swallowed the rest of his words, dipping his head apologetically because he knew he had stepped out of line and shown a weak spirit in that moment. However, Tsunade did not reprimand him, instead turning to look out her window. The sun was up now and she appeared thoughtful.

“You know after the attack from Sand Naruto gave chase into the forest.” she informed. Lee remained quiet, not knowing if it was wise to mention Gaara had told him this already. “He and Gaara fought and Shukaku emerged and almost killed the Uchiha boy and Sakura Haruno. That punk Naruto beat him back and claims he taught him a lesson about seeking friendship after a lonely life. I wonder...”

She grew quiet again and Lee cast his eyes down to Tonton at his feet before asking, “Hokage-sama...have you ever regretted things you did?"

The blonde swiveled her head back around, looking a little less troubled now as she shrugged. "Maybe someday I’ll meet someone who hasn’t. I’m sure it’d be an interesting conversation.” 

"In the dream he is the Kage of his village and an ally to Leaf. There are less strict barriers between villages and everything is better."

"That makes you part of the 'better', Lee."

"I know." The Leaf ninja breathed in, thinking about the weeks they'd spent together, and wondered how long Gaara had been alone trapped inside his own mind before seeping into Lee’s. He had dreamed through their life together, only to be thwarted when the taijutsu specialist appeared for real and started asking questions. How much of that Gaara was a construction, both of the redhead’s own wishes and Lee's desires? The genin had accepted he was just another facet of the dream, but if this newly discovered theory was true, part of him was as real as Lee was. Gaara loved him.

"I have to stop the dreams. If I am seeing his thoughts that means he could start seeing mine and I would be putting all of Konohagakure at risk.” 

"Normally, I'd tell you to find your center and meditate or some crap, but Gai tells me you have been. Like I said, I’ll have Inoichi take a look at you soon. Until then we have ways of keeping you awake.” She stood. Though she looked young her true age shone through her eyes and Lee could see all the regrets she had yet to mention. "I am sorry this happened to you, Lee."

"I am not." The genin bowed lowly, knowing he had been dismissed. He wouldn’t bother to think about the safe feeling of laying in Gaara’s arms, or the muted warmth of the greenhouse. He wouldn’t recall the laughter he had shared with his friends, or how he had begun to refer to Kankuro and Temari as onii-chan and onee-san. He would get breakfast and he would get back to his real life. 

When Shizune found him later, a tall blonde man with piercing eyes was with her. The assistant to the Hokage introduced him as Inoichi Yamanaka and Lee bowed respectfully to Ino’s father. With a quick glance at the boy and a deep stare into his eyes, the Yamanaka declared there was no one else inhabiting his mind currently. If something happened while he was asleep, he’d be able to see it, but Lee wasn’t going to sleep. Shizune thanked the jonin and then ushered her new patient to sit on his bed.

“Things are going to be a bit odd at first,” she warned, “The human body needs sleep and without it...things will just seem strange.”

The taijutsu specialist said he understood and remained perfectly still as the woman brought her hands up to rest against his temples. From beneath his closed eyelids he could see the faint glow of her palms and a feeling like creeping ice traveled down his face before she pulled away. It was a subtle jutsu, but Lee could feel it almost immediately. He felt sharp and alert; more awake than he had felt in weeks. It felt good.

"You cannot go for more than three days without sleep before experiencing severe damage. I cannot do this often."

"Thank you," Lee said. Three days. He was safe for three days.

His team was kept in the dark about his ‘condition’, though Lee could tell in all his teary silences that Gai Sensei had been informed by Tsunade. Tenten and Neji were simply told Lee staying up was to test his body’s indurance since ninja’s often had to be awake for days on end during missions. If he could manage this then he could leave the hospital sooner. They agreed to stay awake with Lee as long as possible, Gai turning it into a youthful challenge of perseverance for all of them.

Tenten lasted until the wee hours, finally faceplanting into Lee’s blankets over a round of shogi. Neji offered to take her home and bid the rest of his team goodnight, the weapons specialist held steady in his arms as he exited. Gai remained with him, giving him new physical and mental challenges to try as the hours passed, never bringing up the reason he was not allowed to sleep.  Leaf’s Noble Green Beast began to lag and falter not long before dawn, his large eyes growing heavy as he swayed where he stood. Finally, he fell asleep in the chair and Lee was alone, shogi pieces and playing cards scattered about his bed.

When the sun finally rose it found him in the cafeteria, coffee cup in hand and eager to start his day.

"You are far too cheery," Tenten grumbled, stealing his hot drink when she arrived. Neji was with her, looking no less rested or annoyed than usual. 

"I feel fantastic! I have energy! I could run around the village ten times!"

The Hyuga cut eyes at him. “Do  _ not  _ say that around Gai Sensei.”

The  Handsome Devil of the Hidden Leaf Village  felt alight inside. “Every shinobi team should have a medical ninja in their ranks to do this for them!"

"Uhh, no, it leads to psychosis,” Tenten berated, looking a bit concerned as her teammate practically vibrated in his seat. “Maybe you  _ should  _ go run around the village.” 

She was good to suggest it, because it definitely took some of the edge off. By the time Lee finished his sixth lap of Konoha and had begun his seventh, he felt less like he would fly out of his own skin. A shinobi must be aware of their body as it connected to nature and varying wavelengths of chakra all around them. He felt the way the ground zoomed by below his feet centering him with every step and bound. 

"Tired?" Gai Sensei found him as he stopped near the steps of the hospital, panting and sweat-soaked.

"Centered, sensei!"

"Excellent! Let’s train!”

When Shizune found him again that night, she brought him books and puzzles to keep him busy. Her glowing palms pressed against his temples and within moments Lee felt wide awake. "Thank you, Shizune-san."

"I can't stay up that late tonight," Tenten grouched as she entered the room, bowing briefly to the assistant to the Hokage. Neji followed right behind. "I'm exhausted today and we’ve got a mission tomorrow.”

“I am sure you both will make the village proud” their fellow genin encouraged. Instead of playing games, he helped Tenten memorize the mission file and quizzed her on the goals of the assignment. Neji needed no such coaching and so just sat and watched in a stony silence, occasionally correcting mistakes they both managed to miss.

When they both left, Lee wandered the frigid corridors, restless and twitchy. He couldn't focus on puzzles tonight, nor reading, nor anything. His brain was scattered. Several times, he saw lights flashing in the corners of his eyes, and heard whispering voices. Shizune had warned him about the potential for hallucinations.

In the middle of the night, he found himself wondering what Gaara was doing.

After he saw his second sunrise in a row, Lee dragged himself to the cantine, bleary and feeling sluggish as he grabbed two cups of coffee, one for each hand. When his master found him, slumped over and listless, he complained about needing to see Shizune again. Needing to get another boost.

"More jutsu won't help," Gai Sensei said firmly. "You need sleep."

"Has Lady Tsunade asked for me?”

“Soon.”

The older was kinder than he needed to be during his training. He only had to jog around the village once, and then they focused on mental exercises. "I want you to find a calm place inside yourself. When you're doubting, when you're hurt, you can retreat there and regroup."

Lee thought about all the places he'd been. Obviously he felt safe here, tucked within the familiar walls of the village and surrounded by friends. Even a lifetime of yearning for a family that did not want him did not tarnish the happy memories of being placed on his team or receiving his hitai-ate. Still, he chose to find his center in a different place. A place where he'd been calm, and safe, and loved, even if it hadn't been real.

When Lady Tsunade finally did request his presence later that day, she merely performed a standard exam on him and insisted he still avoid sleeping as long as possible. In the corner behind her Shizune cleared her throat rather aggressively, but was ignored. Lee thanked them both for seeing to him and tried to explain again how he was nearly positive Gaara was not trying to trick him, but instead was indisposed somewhere and unable to control invading into the Leaf genin’s mind. The Fifth Hokage listened, but ultimately dismissed the idea, stating in no uncertain terms that he was not to interact with the Sand shinobi again if he could help it. She left not long after that, leaving a second bottle of medicine in her wake.

It was nearly midday and Rock Lee was struggling to keep his eyes open when Tenten stomped into his hospital room, pretty face twisted up in a scowl. She flung herself into the visitor chair and her teammate perked up, happy to give something besides his delusions his full attention. “Tenten? I thought you had a mission today?”

“Gai Sensei was ordered to go alone,” she complained, tossing her scrolls down and yanking off her hitai-ate. Her fellow genin blanched and wondered aloud why mission plans would change in such a way. “Neji was picked to be on a special recovery team by Shikamaru.”

“Recovery team?”

“Sasuke Uchiha defected last night.”

Lee felt his whole body stiffen in shock and dismay. His mind raced briefly with images of his former classmate and he felt a great sadness bloom behind his ribs as he thought about Sakura and Naruto. They must be so hurt. “That is awful news!”

“Yeah,” Tenten scoffed, clearly not as concerned with the well being of the Uchiha as she was with her own duties and salary. “Four missing nin from Sound and a henchman for Orochimaru made off with him according to Sakura. Shikamaru was told to put together a special team and he chose Neji, Naruto, Choji, and Kiba. This sucks!”

Lee thought back on how the attack from Sand had left them with a serious shortage of shinobi in the village and cringed. If Neji and the others, all genin, were being placed on a rescue mission headed by Shikamaru, a brand new chunin, then every other high ranking ninja in the village had to be busy. Still, someone had to bring Sasuke back.

“I am worried,” he began slowly, “Their forces will not be enough, even with Naruto’s youthful spirit going along.”

His childhood friend shrugged, chewing irately at her nail beds and rolling her eyes in turn. “Yeah, well maybe if we had any allies they could send actual adults after Sasuke.”

Lee nodded absently, mind beginning to spin and idea as Tenten continued with details of the impromptu mission; last sighting of Sasuke, abilities of the ninjas with him, etcetera. The phrase killing two birds with one stone came to his mind as his plan took shape. It was crazy, ludicrous, and dangerous, but it was the only way to know for sure and it could potentially end up being a great help.

“Tenten,” he interrupted, face already flush in anticipation, “I need you to knock me unconscious.”


	11. zugzwang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ZUGZWANG (noun) - a situation where every move and decision is a bad one that will lead to pain or loss

“What?” Tenten blinked rapidly up at him,clearly confused. “What are you talking about?”

“Please, my friend,” Lee insisted, reaching to take her arm and drag her gently from her seat. He positioned them towards the middle of his hospital room. “It is very important you knock me out immediately!”

The kunoichi snatched her hand away and gave her teammate a look that was all at once concerned and irritated. “Why would I do that?”

Lee huffed, body nearly vibrating with anticipation as he rushed through a highly edited recounting of what had really been happening with his dreams since the surgery. He watched as her face morphed through phases of confusion, worry, disgust, shock, and several other emotions as he detailed briefly falling in love with the very person who had landed him in the hospital to begin with. The taijutsu specialist concluded by explaining his plan to find Gaara in his dreams and ask him for help retrieving Sasuke Uchiha from the clutches of Orochimaru.

“So I need to go to sleep right now,” he finished, winded and hopping anxiously from foot to foot. “Once you have rendered me unconscious I will be able to speak to Gaara and I know he will help!”

“Lee,” Tenten hissed, glancing behind her almost like she was worried someone passing in the hall may hear, “Do you have any idea how crazy you sound right now?”

“I know it does not make sense-“

“It makes the least amount of sense of anything in the entire world!” Her voice was raised dangerously, hovering at the edge of a shout and her teammate grimaced as she began to pace rapidly. “First you start saying you’re having freaky dreams, then you say they’ve gone away, but now you’re saying they never went away and instead you fell in love with some psychopath across the desert that managed to get you both trapped in his mind?! Lee, you’re  _ sick _ !”

“Tenten, please, this is an emergency,” the Leaf shinobi insisted, ignoring the barbed comments about Gaara and his sanity. “You said yourself we need allies.”

“Gaara is  _ not _ an ally, Lee!” she insisted, suddenly reaching her hand out to palm his forehead. “Seriously, are you feverish or something? Did that monster completely brainwash you?”

“He is not a monster!” he burst finally, adrenaline making him feel shaky and weak all over as he imagined Sasuke retreating further and further away from the village and Naruto powerless to stop him. Sakura would be in tears somewhere at this very moment and there simply wasn’t  _ time _ for this! “He is kind and decent and only wants people to like him, but no one will! He is lonely and afraid of that feeling much like myself and that is why he comes to me every night and I to him! He can be better and help us if we only give him the chance!”

The weapons specialist seemed very taken aback by the short speech which was quite loud by the end, Lee’s whole chest puffed in righteous indignation and his hands fisted at his sides. His mouth was twisted down in a turtle-like frown and a rigidness had entered his shoulders that spoke of unshakeable determination as well as staggering embarrassment. He hadn’t meant to say all those things about Gaara and himself, but they were out in the open now and no matter what he could not force the words back over his tongue. He and Tenten and the empty hospital room would simply have to live with the mortifying ordeal of just  _ knowing _ .

Tenten especially looked sad and lost as she shifted her weight about, looking like she wanted to hug her teammate, but did not know where to hold out her arms. “I...I never knew you felt that way.”

Embarrassed, his lips were still pressed into a thin line as he bit out, “It is not something I like to talk about.”

The kunoichi nodded, not meeting his eye. Lee could see there, in the soft curve of her mouth and the childlike roundness of her face, the potential for her to become the woman from his dreams. The Tenten that loved her teammates and told them as such regularly. Who hugged and touched people with affection and who did not like Gaara, but still held him dear for Lee’s sake. Yes, she could be that woman one day and Lee would be honored to know her, even if she never looked at him the way he had once prayed she would. Suddenly, she dropped into a fighting stance and the other Leaf genin followed suit, ready to defend himself if needed.

“You’re sure this isn’t a trick?” she asked gruffly and Lee balked before strengthening his pose. Strength of spirit was one of his only shining accomplishments amongst his peers and he would not lose it now.

“Yes!”

“And you swear to me you won’t betray Konohagakure?”

“Never!” 

The girl smiled and Lee returned the gesture along with a Nice Guy pose as she began to twist her body, jumping gracefully into a roundhouse kick that caught him right along his temple. Guy Sensei would have been proud. 

* * *

Lee woke up in the study, but Gaara was nowhere to be seen. The house was dark. The young man stood and called out to his husband, aware of time in the real world passing too swiftly. Sasuke was escaping. He rushed into the entrance area only to be met with Kankuro looking casual and at ease. He was walking towards the stairs with his hands folded behind his head and Lee realized not for the first time that this was just an extension of Gaara’s mind. What he thought his brother may one day be like.

“Onii-chan, where is Gaara? I must speak with him."

The larger man eyed him for almost too long a beat, like his brain was processing the taijutsu specialist’s appearance, before he merely shrugged. “The little cactus? Pretty sure he’s doing a patrol around the village. There’s supposed to be another sandstorm soon.”

"Thank you," he said with a rushed bow, and dashed out the door. Sand kicked up behind him as he raced through Sunagakure. It was hot, it was always hot, and the guards barely spared him a glance when he vaulted the village gates, speeding out into the desert in the direction he knew Gaara’s patrol took him. Had this been real, he would have had to answer for his sudden exodus, no matter his rank. Why hadn’t he noticed that before?

He found the Kazekage maybe one click away from the southern gates and rushed towards the redhead, heat invading his skin and making him feverish. “Gaara!” 

His imaginary husband turned and even from a distance he could see how the shorter man’s expression morphed and changed and suddenly he was right there. In an explosion of sand he was standing right in front of Lee, eyes wide and skinny fingers gripping at the Leaf shinobi’s arms painfully. 

“Where have you been?” he hissed, examining the other man from head to toe, fear and relief radiating through him though on his face they managed to look like anger. “I got back from Konohagakure and you were gone. You didn’t tell the Anbu or the council, they all thought you’d wandered off into the desert. They thought you were dead. I’ve been out here searching for you.”

"I just woke up," the genin assured, gripping Gaara’s wrist when he went to place a hand on Lee’s cheek. He noted how in his initial absence, Gaara’s mind had soothed itself by saying Lee hadn’t gone on the trip to Konoha and was waiting for him back home. It was just another blatant example of how nothing in this world was real or concrete. The way the years changed from five to seven when Lee complained to Tenten. The way Temari having a child seemed to hinge entirely on whether or not her brother-in-law believed she would have one. This was all a fantasy crafted by the two of them and Gaara had not noticed.

"No, it's been days.” The jinchuriki’s eyes narrowed suspiciously and the sand carried on his back began to stir and hiss. The taijutsu specialist blinked, not sure if the gourd had been there the entire time or not. His feet began to be dragged into the ground beneath them. “Where were you?"

“Gaara, please listen, this is important-“

“You left me.”

“I came back!” The scalding sand rose to his shins and he tossed his arms around the Kazekage desperately. “Listen, I need you to focus; I need you to wake up.”

The other man yanked away. “What’re you talking about?” 

Lee held fast. It broke his heart to have to do this to his beloved. Some poor souls seemed to have two or more identities living inside the same confused head, but this was not such a situation. This Gaara wasn't a different person than the one Lee had known at the chunin exams. He was the person that, somewhere deep inside himself, Gaara wished he could one day be. Telling him the truth of this wild scenario could very well cause a regression in his attitude; could cause his mind to splint and fracture. Lee hated to risk it, but he could not let the boy continue believing a lie. 

“Dearest, this isn’t real.”

Gaara shook his head, pulling back further. ”You’re exhausted. Let’s get you home-"

"Who did this to you?" The Leaf ninja was convinced Gaara had not meant to come here, or bring others along with him, which meant someone had rendered him indisposed. Maybe Shukaku, or a bitter old member of the Suna council. Someone was taking advantage of him and his fragile mind. “How long have you been here? Gaara, you need to wake up.”

"Stop saying that!" The sand at his knee suddenly spiraled up, circling Lee tightly until his chest felt as if it could barely expand to breathe properly. Gaara looked up into his husband’s face, eyes wide and unhappy. “You have a brain injury, you’re having trouble remembering-“ 

He gasped around his grainy prison, “No, Gaara, you pulled me in here with you! But we must leave now, Konoha needs our help!”

The redhead only frowned pityingly, clinging to his lies. “This is real, Lee, you have to let go of your delusions.”

The taijutsu specialist felt all hope slipping through his fingers like so much sand from within his beloved’s gourd. Gaara had wrapped himself too tightly in this dream world where he had nearly everything he wanted. Siblings that didn’t fear him, a village that needed him, a husband that loved him. Lee squeezed his eyes shut, falling to his knees as his husband finally released him from his sandy grip. 

"Tomorrow I’m taking you back to Ameno."

“Where is Shukaku?”

A dry silence blew through the desert. “What?”

“Shukaku,” Lee repeated, looking up at the other man from his supplicating position, “The tailed beast sealed inside of you. Where is he?”

“I keep him contained within my mind,” Gaara intoned, arms crossing protectively over his chest. He looked so like himself as a boy then, guarding his soft insides from attack. “You know that.”

The Leaf nin could not meet his husband’s eye as he began his next line of questioning. “Do you still hear his voice talking to you?” The redhead blinked. Lee was bringing up things he had told him from his childhood in confidence. Whispered into his skin in the cool shadows of the night. “Do you still hear him begging to get out and kill villagers?”

“Stop.”

“You cannot sleep because he could escape,” he went on, hands fisting in the sand, “But you are not on your guard here any longer because Shukaku is quiet. You cannot hear him because you are already asleep and he may have already taken over your body and crushed Suna-“

“Be quiet, Lee.”

“Please, Gaara,” he snuffled, eyes heavy with unshed tears as he pressed on, “This is a trick! Someone has put you to sleep and you are living a fantasy-!”

“I said enough!” A whip of sand caught the genin around the throat and he scrabbled as it began to lift him up off his knees, the coarse grains digging into his skin. Gaara was crushing his windpipe. “Stop lying to me!”

“Just think,” Lee begged, choking over every word, hands tugging uselessly at the vice around his neck. Gaara was watching him with eyes so cold and calculating that tears finally began to pour down his face in desperation. “You are a Kage...b-but your Anbu let you travel unshadowed. You have a high-ranking foreign husband and are an ally to nearly every village. These are just childish wishes that could never be!”

“I changed the legacy of Sunagakure,” the aforementioned Kage hissed, yanking his husband in close so that their noses nearly brushed. His sapphire eyes seemed to rip right through the other man, not truly seeing him. His sand held Lee at an awkward angle, keeping them on eye level so that the taller man’s ankles dragged the ground behind him. “I did away with the ways of my father and brought our village into a new age.”

“It is not that simple,” Lee wept, starting to regret coming at all. If Gaara killed him here, he would just wake back up in his hospital room but who knew what would happen to the Sand shinobi’s psyche. “Change like this takes decades and cannot be done by one man. You would need friends and loyal followers, but you have none of those! You are a child playing!”

He was tossed away like a rag doll, body rolling across the hot dunes. The air was knocked out of him and he could feel an ache shoot up his hip, his injury irritated by the abuse. He wondered if his body was thrashing about back in Konoha. The taijutsu specialist pushed up on his elbows, hair mussed and face caked with dust. Gaara was staring off into the distance, towards the gates of Sunagakure. His gourd had rematerialized by his feet now and was spilling a never ending river of sand across his feet. He looked lost and Lee could swear his very image seemed to flicker and fade like a mirage seen by a dying man out in the desert.

“I’m dreaming,” he said at last, the realization crashing down like a storm on the dreamscape. Harsh wind started to blow off the horizon and Lee could see the walls of the village start to crumble and fall as if they were decaying from within. He imagined he heard screams on the wind, but could not be sure. Clouds started to roll in and blot out the hot desert sun as Gaara’s face trembled and broke. “I’m asleep.”

“Yes, but you can wake up now.” The Leaf genin stood and limped back towards the other man whose form was starting to crack and dissolve, the sand armor disappearing to reveal the boy underneath. His chakra signature was weak and distant, drawing away from this world. “You can make the dream a reality.”

A cold silence was his only response and more sand began to slough off him and pile at their feet. Lee looked down at himself and saw he too now was but a boy again, arms and legs half the size he had grown used to and he frowned. He also noted how he was bloodied and beaten, the bandages around his arms hanging loose and dirty. This is what he had looked like one of the last times Gaara had really seen him. At the exams. He watched in sick fascination as his hands bloomed painless cuts and bruises and his fingers turned crooked and swollen.

It felt like...Gaara’s mind was falling apart. The two of them phased between wounded boys and grown men with the consistency of the redhead’s shaky breath, sand still growing all around them, the gourd never running out of supply. Lee reached out and cupped the other boy’s face in his hand, turning it so their eyes met. He looked so young.

“Listen to me, dearest,” he whispered, his voice somehow carrying over the roar of the wind which continued to churn, crashes of thunder now accompanying it. On the horizon Suna had completely crumbled, nothing more than a pile of rubble. “Naruto is in danger.”

Gaara blinked. “Naruto?”

“Yes. Sasuke Uchiha has defected and Naruto-kun went after him, but he needs help. Their team will not be enough to take down Orochimaru.” Gaara blinked again, processing the information slowly, gaze still far off and unstable. He was fading away, but Lee gripped him tightly, stroking at his hair, trying to soothe away the other demons of his mind. “Please...please help us.”

* * *

He woke with a gasp, the cold of the hospital floor piercing up his spine. Tenten was still right next to him, hands fisted as if she meant to knock him out cold again if she thought he had been possessed by a demon from Sand. The taijutsu specialist swiped a tear away from his cheek, hopping to his feet with great haste. He bowed lowly to his teammate, not about to forget her brave act of kindness and trust anytime soon.

“I have to go after Naruto!”

She wished him good luck and then he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo next chapter...is the LAST chapter???


	12. ibrat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IBRAT (noun)- a painful outcome that teaches a lesson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major jerk alert, I added some stuff to last chapter. nothing story altering but just more fluff and detail cause I wasn't happy with certain spots.

Luckily, Naruto and the others only had about half a day’s head start on Lee and that distance was nothing for someone of his speed. He took to the forest at a dead sprint, dodging and jumping through the foliage as he tried to remember what Tenten had told him about Sasuke’s last known whereabouts and the location Orochimaru may be luring him to. The Leaf genin knew his comrades would not stray from this mission easily and were likely to face several skilled adversaries along the way. He only hoped he would arrive in time to lend himself to some of their battles. Sasuke had to be retrieved. 

As he ran, the wind whipping his bangs back from his forehead, he of course thought of Gaara.

Waking up in the hospital room had not been the same as it had been the dozens of other times it had happened. He had not closed his eyes in Sand only to open them once more in Leaf. No, one moment he had been staring pleadingly at Gaara and the next he had been blinking up at Tenten. He hoped desperately that meant the redhead had woken up, shattering the dream they shared as he returned to reality. Lee also hoped the other boy would put aside any need for mental or emotional recovery until after he came to help them. The First knew he would need it.

It worried the genin greatly to think what type of effect such a revelation could have on the jinchuriki. While Lee had been stuck in the dream during his own restful hours, there was no way to know how long or when Gaara had been asleep. Had he been wasting away in some Suna barrack for all this time? His siblings and commanders unable to rouse him? Would his already frail mind shatter when he woke to find he was still a feared weapon with no close ties to anyone or anything? How would he handle the knowledge that the five and seven years he had imagined with Lee were all a lie?

His mind raced and his pack rattled against his hip as he ran. Yes, Lee was very worried. Not just about not having an ally on this mission, but possibly not having Gaara again ever. He swore to himself that no matter what the outcome, he would not abandon the other ninja to despair. The younger boy was not truly his friend and certainly not his husband, but he was still Lee’s most precious person and he would defend his honor with his every breath and do everything in his power to ensure the future he dreamed of was the one he would get. If he still wanted it.

Hours passed and the trees began to thin out, the end of Leaf territory approaching rapidly. Lee kept his senses sharp and his eyes open as he tried to find a trace of his fellow genin. When a sharp chakra signature nearly bowled him over, he turned towards it, sprinting at top speed to what he was sure would be a very formidable enemy.

Seeing Naruto was as rewarding as it was odd. Rock Lee had not seen the bouncy blonde since his injury, and was inwardly ecstatic that the loud boy was well and still determined to be the absolute best he could be. He looked forward to the day the two of them could have a friendly spar to compare strengths. At the same time, he was so eerily similar to Gaara’s dream version of him that a chill went down the taijutsu specialist’s back. For reasons unknown to Lee, Gaara had taken a fond liking to Naruto and saw a future where they were close friends and allies. A worthy goal indeed, but Lee did not truly know Naruto’s thoughts on the matter.

The two exchanged words only briefly, the Uzumaki’s grotesque opponent seeming quietly put out at having his fight interrupted, and Lee assured the other boy he would remain to fight so that Naruto could continue his pursuit of Sasuke and return him to the village for Sakura’s sake. The bone breaker did not take this news well initially, but Leaf’s Handsome Devil was able to gain and keep his attention not long after they came face to face. The battle was quick and intense, the man matching the boy’s speed and intensity easily. The use of his kekkei genkai also kept Lee on his toes. They exchanged blows and parries rapidly and the Leaf nin was glad with how well his body responded even if he did not make much contact.

Lee stopped the bout only once, to take his medicine, and quickly noticed after that something was...wrong. He felt sluggish and dizzy. He could not remember where he was or why this guy was here, but it really pissed him off. He postured at the man holding a bone sword and could feel his whole face growing hot as he swayed on the spot. “Who the heck are you?”

Why was he here?

Who was he fighting?

Was he fighting?

He must be.

He dove at the stranger once more, arms slicing through the air like loose and wiggly whips rather than sharpened, rigid swords. His opponent dodged all attacks, but made no counters. How boring. The Leaf shinobi shrugged tiredly, not sure what the point of a fight was if your adversary did not fight back. Gaara always fought back. This man was nothing like Gaara. He was actually putting Lee to sleep, that’s how boring he was. He slumped down into the grass hoping he would see Gaara when he closed his eyes.

No such luck. 

Instead, when he opened his eyes again, there was a bone sticking in his face and he grabbed at it irately, pulling himself back to his feet as he laughed and snorted at his opponent. Who was this guy again? “Ha! You thought I was really sleeping!”

A series of quick jabs and kicks sent the bone man flying and then suddenly Lee missed his sensei. The older man had been so distant recently and obviously mistrustful of Lee and it drove the genin to tears, his heart aching. He just wanted Gaara to love him and his master to be proud, was that too much to ask for. He was so tired! 

He flopped back into the grass. 

Then he was up. 

Then he was back down.

Everything was so slow and blurry. He couldn’t focus his thinking. This feeling felt familiar, but he couldn’t pinpoint it. He dreamt in glimpses and flashes, but not about Gaara and it made the taijutsu specialist angry. What was he supposed to be doing? Oh right, fighting. He sprang up and danced about the man’s sharp white blade, annoyed beyond belief his sleep had been interrupted and he had been dragged away from Gaara even if Gaara had not been there. 

His leg and arm ached.

More jumping and dodging and kicking and hitting and still Lee didn’t feel any better. This guy with the bone was interrupting the springtime of his youth. He was keeping him from Gaara. He had to attack him with everything he was worth! His skills were not terribly impressive to the younger shinobi in this state and he wondered how such a person had managed to detain Naruto and make off with Sasuke.

Sasuke!

Naruto!

_ That’s  _ what he was supposed to be doing!

“I’ll sober you up right away,” the man promised after springing a series of sharp bones from his forearm. 

The dishonorable implications upset Lee greatly and he attacked again, berating his foe for being so thickheaded when suddenly the man’s ribs sprang out from his sternum and cut his opponent across the face. The pain was startling; sobering. Lee felt his head begin to pound immediately, the alcohol spilling out of his system from the gash on his cheek. As the dizzy, fuzzy feeling left him, the Leaf nin got back into his fighting stance, ready to defend his position and buy Naruto more time even if it cost him his life. That was his ninja way.

“This is my kekkei genkai.” 

The taijutsu specialist’s next flurry of attacks were parried effortlessly and his adversary sent him flying back, more painful cuts littering his body. Even pushing himself to his limit and opening the First Gate of Opening did nothing to phase Orochimaru’s follower and he had exacerbated his newly healed body. He was losing this battle now, and Lee felt his blood run cold as a fist lined with razor sharp bones aimed straight for his face…

Only to be stopped by a tendril of sand.

The Leaf genin was thrown back by the force of two powerful chakra signatures colliding and would have crashed to the ground if not for a grainy cloud that floated him to safety. His heart stuttered in his chest, eyes already wide in anticipation as he turned to see his savior.

“Who’re you?”

“A Sand shinobi,” the redhead stated, arms crossed over his narrow chest. “Ally of the Leaf.”

“Gaara!”

Rock Lee could hardly believe his eyes. Gaara of the Desert was standing right there beside him, a long red coat hanging off his form as he took a protective stance in front of the Leaf ninja. Lee wanted to cry, wanted to fling his arms around the shorter boy, wanted to kiss him, but couldn’t. Not because he did not want to, or even because now was hardly the time for such displays of affection, but simply because he was so shocked. 

Gaara looked...different.

Of course, Lee had known when he finally saw the Sand shinobi again, he would not appear as he had in their dream; a young man in his early twenties. Still, he didn't even look exactly as Lee remembered him from the exams. In the months following their last meeting the younger boy had grown taller, perhaps broader. His hair had grown longer and sat in a spiky disarray on top of a face that had managed to become even more pale around his wide cyan eyes. 

He looked fine. Certainly not like someone who had been trapped in a dream for months on end unable to communicate or escape. Lee’s mind raced with questions and he was determined to ask them just as soon as their opponent was dealt with. The bone breaker shot off an attack of shrapnel and it was blocked by a lazy wall of sand. Gaara spared him only the briefest glance as the taijutsu specialist struggled to his feet to stand at his shoulder. His whole body was tense and ready.

“You had more speed and sharpness when we fought.” Even his voice was different Lee noticed. No longer the deep rasp of a man, but not the arid shriek it had been at the exams either. He sounded like he had hit puberty since last they met and his voice rumbled and cracked over his words. The Leaf nin blushed at his own overly interested observations and nodded dumbly.

“I am still recovering,” he informed, glancing about them as Gaara’s sand circled their feet. “Not that I am holding a grudge, but I am slower because of you.”

Lee stated the fact as lightly as possible and noticed how Gaara only seemed to breathe through an acknowledgement. The Leaf nin had dropped his anger towards Gaara a long time ago, but he would never shy away from the facts of their history. He and Gaara had met in battle and he had been violently defeated. They had then spent several months sharing one mind in a dream world and fallen in love, or at least that was what Lee was sure of. Meanwhile the Sand shinobi did not even seem to recognize him outside of their previous rivalry. Had the dream really all been Lee alone?

“You...came for me?” He had to know why.

“I owe a lot to the Leaf.” That didn’t really help. Gaara could be talking about his imagined relationship with Lee, his encounter with Naruto, or his battle with Sasuke. Why had he come? “I’ll handle this.”

Lee blinked himself out of his pondering at Gaara’s declaration, catching onto his meaning immediately. The genin tingled all over, but still puffed out his cheeks in annoyance at his future husband. “No, I can take him, please back me up.”

When he went to rush back into the battle he was stopped by a whip of sand wrapping around his leg, far more gentle than it ever had been before. He tumbled into another soft pile of sand, getting a mouthful for his trouble as Gaara moved passed him, arms still crossed over his chest. He looked like a Kazekage then, dark and serious and Lee’s heart clenched.

“You won’t be able to do anything in your present state,” the jinchuriki insisted, not looking back as he approached the ninja across the clearing. “I’ll handle this.”

Gaara was many things, but a liar was not one of them. When the battle between him and Orochimaru’s lackey began, there was no give from either side. Lee watched, transfixed, as the Sand shinobi deflected attacks, assaulted his opponent, and defended Lee all with minimal effort, his sand whipping through the air at a nearly unmatchable speed while he merely stood and watched it. Gaara was truly an impressive opponent and the Leaf nin recalled with a blush how jealous he had been of the other boy’s ninjutsu skills when they had battled. How he had wanted to defeat Gaara, to be Gaara, to have Gaara. This was why; he was excellent.

The taijutsu specialist was shocked and disgusted when Gaara’s Sand Coffin did not finish the job. Instead the man emerged from what should have been his grave evolved, dark curse marks bleeding down his body as his skin shifted and broke around the bones he continued to manipulate. He was bleeding, he was hurt, but he was not dead and Gaara seemed annoyed with the fact.

“Bones,” he noted dryly, “This guy’s a monster too.” 

Lee didn't care for the comparison to his beloved as a monster, but agreed the man was troublesome. Gaara’s Sand Tsunami had to be one of the most powerful and destructive jutsus Rock Lee had ever seen. The entire terrain surrounding them changed to that of a barren desert as Gaara performed a Giant Sand Burial and the earth around them trembled. His future husband was extremely strong and Lee said as much.

“This time you must have done it,” he breathed, a flush covering his body as he eyed the line of the jinchuriki’s back. 

However, the other boy merely grouched, “He’s persistent.” 

As it turned out, the redhead was correct to be skeptical because the man managed to survive his beloved’s attack again and returned in a form so beastlike, Lee could hardly believe his eyes. The monster rushed towards them, a long spiked tail trailing behind him, and the Sand ninja responded quickly. Gaara launched attack after attack towards him, but the beast still managed to plow through his sand barrier. Lee felt his stomach drop as he watched Gaara be sent flying by a direct body slam, the lizard-esque creature’s bones curving all around him.

“Is this the extent of the Ultimate Defense?” he drawled, teeth now too long to be contained within his mouth. “How disappointing.”

Rock Lee was angered by the man’s insolence and insult to Gaara. He launched himself back into the attack, body protesting all the while, and immediately caught a rather heavy blow. As he was tossed back down to the ground, blood pooling under his wraps, he realized he could have been more seriously injured had a wall of sand not appeared to defend him once more. Even in the heat of battle, Gaara was protecting him. That had to mean something!

The battle continued, the techniques used by both men only becoming more complicated and intense. The enemy pulled out his spine and Gaara manifested a giant Shukaku of sand. The white haired man attacked this effigy with a drill made of bone and it shattered when up against his beloved’s Ultimate Defence. The two seemed evenly matched, and Rock Lee understood why Gaara had wanted him to stay out of it. Still it was difficult to watch his most precious person continue to battle without diving in to help him. He could feel the younger boy’s chakra growing weaker the longer he continued.

When Gaara buried his rival two hundred meters below the ground and the monster still managed to send a barrage of bone spikes plunging up from the ground, Lee was sure they were done for. There was no way to escape and not enough chakra reserves to do so. His brief time with Gaara flashed before his eyes and a deep regret unlike any he had ever known threatened to suffocate him just before he was scooped up by a tiny stage of sand. He blinked in surprise; Gaara had saved him again. He thanked him profusely, not surprised in the least when the redhead waved him off, sweat dripping down his face.

It looked like a forest of bones had eclipsed the desert, white spikes shooting up nearly as far as the eye could see. It was astounding honestly. Impressive even, but Lee was thankful the fight was finally over and he and Gaara were safe. He noticed the way the jinchuriki was trembling, barely able to keep them afloat and was about to suggest they get down when he felt it. A brush of chakra that didn’t belong to the shinobi by his side, only registrable to Lee because it was so strong. He turned and the bone man was there, half stuck in his own creation and another bone drill aimed straight for Gaara’s back.

“It’s not brainwashing!” he insisted, eyes black and crazed from the drawn out battle. Gaara barely lifted his head in response, totally spent. “Lord Orochimaru understands me!”

“No!” Lee screamed, flinging himself in front of his beloved as the monster made to run him through. His eyes squeezed shut tightly, not truly ready to meet death face on, but then...nothing happened. Lee kept his position for a moment longer, feeling Gaara pressed lightly against his back, and then opened his eyes. Hanging in front of him was the bone breaker, limp and empty. He was dead.

Getting back down to the ground was less a graceful descent and more a precarious tumble as Gaara’s chakra finally seemed to run out. He managed to float them to an area beyond the forest of bones before he collapsed, sand raining down into the grassy area around their feet as he panted. Lee rushed to prop him up against a nearby tree, skin aflame as he physically touched the Sand shinobi for the first time in months. He blushed when the redhead glanced at him and quickly retreated to his own tree to rest. They were quiet for a beat.

“He nearly defeated me,” the jinchuriki grunted after a time, eyes cast down towards his feet. Lee studied his profile, the curve of his nose, the blush of his lips. The way sunlight shone through his ear making it look like the smooth pink insides of a seashell. A flutter went through his stomach. “I got lucky.”

“Luck is part of skill,” the Leaf nin mused, turning his eyes away as a blush began to claw its way up his face and neck, “Gai Sensei says so.”

Gaara’s brow pinched and he grumbled, “That meddlesome fool?”

Lee was shocked and angered to hear his master referred to in such a way. More so by Gaara because in the dreams the two men had had such a respectful relationship. They were not friends by any means, but they related to each other based on their soft feelings towards Lee. Gaara thought Maito Gai was overbearing and that he’d eventually marry Kakashi, but he still seemed to respect the man and his future husband would not let him forget it. 

“He is not meddlesome, or a fool!,” he insisted heatedly, noting how the other boy glanced at him from the corner of his eye. “Just because you saved me does not mean you can talk about my sensei that way!”

The jinchuriki did not grow angered with Lee’s words or his tone and the contrast between the young man he was becoming and the boy he had been was stark. He dipped his head briefly, a silent apology and Lee nodded his acceptance, settling back against the tree. The air between them was stale and awkward, but not tense. They had spent months together after all, but the longer Lee watched him, the more he realized Gaara perhaps did not know this. 

He had been worried at first it had all been in his head, but the Sand shinobi’s arrival at the fight, his protective nature of Lee, and the way he let himself be berated without comment all spoke of one truth. Gaara had indeed been living in the dream, but he did not know Lee had been experiencing the phenomenon as well. The Leaf shinobi pondered at the absurdity of this whole thing as well as how to let Gaara know he was not alone when the redhead stood.

“Gaara-?”

“I will see you back to your village,” he informed, brushing himself off and hoisting his gourd, which looked even larger than it had been, onto his back. Lee rushed to follow. “We should be able to make it before nightfall even with you limping-”

“Dearest-” The word, so small and innocent, stuck like a kunai in the Sand shinobi’s back and Lee could see the way a shiver went through his entire body before he grew still. When he did move, it was to throw his ally a cool look over his shoulder; questioning him. “Do you remember?”

Gaara’s eyes were guarded and he recrossed his arms over his chest. He did not walk away or avoid Lee’s eye, merely stared him down as if daring him to continue. When the taijutsu specialist did not retreat, his companion sighed quietly through his nose, head turning forward once more as he answered, “Yes.”

Lee felt like a dam had broken within his chest and he was unsurprised and unashamed to feel tears start pouring down his face. Great gasps and hiccups shook his body as he cried there next to Gaara, the months of confusion and longing coming to the forefront as he had to sit down again. He couldn’t breathe. Gaara squatted not far from him, just out of reach but still nearby, his elbows resting against his knees.

It took him several minutes to calm down, but when he did Lee turned to his beloved questioningly. “What happened?”

Gaaara was stoic as ever and oddly reserved as he described how an elder member of the Suna council, a woman referred to as Grandmother Chiyo, had come with a plan to separate Shukaku’s spiritual energy from Gaara’s body, if only while he slept, so that he may have a reprieve from the demon. The idea was supposed to be that if Gaara could sleep at night, he would be stronger physically and mentally to hold off the One Tailed during the day. His mental health would improve and he would no longer be a raving wild card loose in the village. It had seemed to work initially, but just as Lady Tsunade had informed Lee, no one in Sand was truly studied in mind-related techniques. Not even Honored Grandmother Chiyo. 

Slowly but surely Chiyo had begun to accidentally remove Gaara’s spiritual energy as well as Shukaku’s every night. He had experienced the same continuous dream as Lee each time he slept for weeks until the disconnect grew too far and his spirit could not return to his body. He laid in Sunagakure’s hospital for months, not dead, but not truly alive either, the medical ninjas there working tirelessly to restore him. In a last ditch attempt to fix her mistake, Grandmother Chiyo had tried to drag Gaara’s spirit back by force, only to bring back Shukaku instead, now with no jinchuriki to keep him sealed inside.

“I don’t know how my spirit found your body,” he concluded, not meeting the taijutsu specialist’s eye. “I am...sorry...if I made you uncomfortable.”

The Leaf shinobi trembled with dread, thinking of the spots and people he had grown so fond of in Suna. “How long...how long did Shukaku have control?”

Gaara cut eyes at him, but seemed to be not overly concerned. A breeze was rolling through the tree and it ruffled his hair. “Two days, but the elders were able to contain him until I...returned. We are both back now.”

Lee nodded thankfully, a tenseness leaving his shoulders. If Sunagakure had been destroyed or damaged beyond repair, Gaara would only blame himself. If his siblings had been harmed he would have been inconsolable. As it was, the redhead briefly covered waking back up earlier that day and brushing all questions aside to demand his siblings come with him to defend the Leaf shinobi sent to retrieve Sasuke. Temari was off somewhere with Shikamaru while Kankuro had been sent to defend Kiba. Gaara stated they had likely finished their own battles long before them two and moved to stand again.

“Gaara,” Lee began, face flush and heart weak as he tried to gather the courage to mention what the other boy had not. “About the dream-”

“It wasn’t real, Lee,” the future Kazekage interrupted, reaching down and hoisting the genin to his feet with a slender arm around his waist. It felt just as he remembered. “It was all fake.”

A drop of dread, cold like an icicle, fell into Lee’s stomach and he lowered his voice self consciously. “Not...all of it?”

A set of distant eyes found his and the drop turned into a drizzle. “Yes, all of it.”

“Dearest-”

“Don’t call me that-”

“Just because it was a dream does not mean it was all fantasy!” he plowed on, shoulders set tensely even as Gaara helped him stagger their way back through the foliage in the direction Konoha. “Your spirit did not find me for weeks and you...you made a life for us-”

“I was a child playing,” the younger boy flatlined, tightening his hold when his burden staggered with surprise, “You said so yourself.”

“I was only trying to startle you awake!” the genin defended, the pool in his stomach growing more and more vast as he fought to catch Gaara’s gaze. It felt like he was drowning in it. “Gaara, we lived a life together for  _ months _ ! You cannot just ignore-!”

“Lee.” His beloved’s voice, brisk and dry like sandstone, cut across him and the taijutsu specialist swallowed up a sob, the dread in his gut spilling over from his eyes. This was wrong, this was all wrong. They were meant to be rejoicing in the springtime of youth together and embracing the fullness of their love. Instead it felt very distinctly like Gaara was drawing away from him. “Those dreams you had were just a lonely boy’s sad invention. They weren’t real.”

A sniveling little whimper, “I know, but...but we were happy.” The Sand shinobi nodded placatingly, at the very least not denying that. Perhaps that’s what had made it so difficult for him to return; he had been happy in the dreams. He hadn’t wanted to let that go. “W-Why?”

They trudged along for a while before Gaara could answer, arm still snug around Lee’s waist. The Leaf genin was crying in earnest again. “I wanted to believe they were real to avoid the truth,” he murmured. “I wanted to go on pretending I was more than the broken parts of myself...because then I’d never have to look at them and no one else would get to look at them either.”

Lee tried to understand, he wanted so desperately to understand, but none of it made sense to him. Gaara had dreamt of him and then their spirits had found each other, that had to mean something! It could not simply be coincidence and even if it were they could not go on pretending like nothing happened now. Not now. The ninja looked down at his companion, face wet and tacky as he tried to figure out what he wanted to say. Gaara stared back at him and seemed to already know what was hiding behind his expression because he shook his head firmly and looked away.

“I can’t be that man.”

“You could be him one day-”

“I won’t.”

A sob. “But...I love you.”

“You love a ghost.”

The silence that lapsed over them was hardly a silence at all, so great were Lee’s cries. He felt cheated and dirty, thinking back on all his time with Gaara and confused as to why the boy could just not embrace him now. Sadness shocked its way through his system like electricity and he couldn’t catch his breath around it, whole form shaking as he coughed and gasped. Gaara said nothing, just continued to support him through all his stops and starts, not commenting on his tears as they marched on. He could have transported them to the gates of Konoha, but he didn’t. He had them walk the miles upon miles so that Lee could cry himself dry before they got there, all manner of tears spent by the time they reached the main road to Leaf.

It was such a heavy ache that Rock Lee thought he may shake apart from it; just completely crumble into nothing, but he didn’t. He remained whole and eventually his sobs devolved into hiccups devolved into quiet sniffles devolved into silence. He felt like his face had been rubbed raw with sand and his belly was altogether painfully empty and overwhelmingly full. Beside him Gaara was a stone, nothing like the man he had fallen in love with and Lee felt lost. He wanted nothing more than to be deposited back in his homeland and crawl into bed to find his husband behind his eyelids once more. This right now was just a nightmare.

When they reached the gates of Konoha his friends were waiting and Lee slipped from Gaara’s grasp. Gai Sensei was crying and screaming and he checked Lee over before barreling towards Gaara to thank him for saving his beloved student. The genin merely continued forward at a slow limp and startled when a soft hand reached out to him. Tenten’s eyes were large and worried, but she looked more like herself than he’d ever seen her. Another wave of tears threatened to overtake him and Lee fell into his teammate’s arms, hugging her tightly to his chest to staunch the heartache that wanted to pour out. The fact that she let him only made him feel worse.

He wasn’t sure how long Gaara stayed there, hovering at the edge of oblivion, his chakra curling around Lee languidly. He could not stand to look at him any longer and then suddenly the sensation was gone. The Sand shinobi transported away in a swirl of dust and the emptiness he left in his wake bowled Lee over. He fell to his knees, dragging Tenten along with him, and cried. 

When he dreamt that night, he was all alone.

* * *

End Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End (?)
> 
> Eeeek!!! guys I haven't finished a full length story in FOREVER and i did this one in under a month!?! i'm so proud of me??? I fully intend a sequel but school went back into session this week (Im a teacher!) so i'll be busy even as i work from home. i'll let ya know
> 
> thank you SO MUCH for reading and all you awesome people that commented on EVERY chapter (whazzername, be less awesome) or left me whole thesis statements on your ideas (lookin at you BeelieveRosemarie). a_gay_poster got closest as to what all I was going for in Gaaras dreams with one of their comments so check it out if you're lost (I hope you aren't?? i hope i explained things well??)
> 
> But anyway  
> THANKS FOR READING!!!
> 
> Ps. Gaaras explanation for his dreams is inspired by Words Fail from Dear Evan Hansen
> 
> pps. GO LISTEN TO 'WAKE UP' BY EDEN. IT FITS THIS STORY TO A T AND REALLY HELPED ME GET IN THE MOOD TO WRITE THIS ENDING SCENE

**Author's Note:**

> CHEERS to starting a new story when you've already got dozens on the back burner and are returning to work within the week! *clink*
> 
> I'm excited for this and in a stunning change of pace I'm posting now with the next 2 chapters already complete. Wow.  
> Using lots of details from my other GaaLee fic here and that's fun
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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